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hurt so achingly bad.

I tear my mouth away from hers, and we both

gasp for breath as the desperate grip she has on

me keeps me locked against her. I refuse to allow

our mouths to reconnect as I struggle to figure

out which half of my heart I want to save.

I press my forehead to hers and keep my eyes

closed, inhaling and exhaling in rapid succession.

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She doesn’t attempt to kiss me again, but I can

feel her chest as her movements change from

begging for breath to fighting back tears. I pull

back and open my eyes, looking down on her.

Her eyes are shut tightly, but the tears are be-

ginning to fall. She turns her face and covers her

mouth with her hand as she tries to roll onto her

side, away from me. I lift up onto my hands and

look down at what I’ve done to her.

I’ve done the one thing I promised her I would

never do.

I just made her a Tori.

I wince and drop my forehead to the side of

her head and press my lips against her ear. I find

her hand and reach for the pen beside us on the

nightstand. I turn her hand over and press the tip

of the pen to her palm.

I’m so sorry.

I kiss her palm, then crawl off the bed and

back away. She opens her eyes long enough to

look at her hand. She makes a tight fist and pulls

her hand to her chest, then begins to sob into her

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pillow. I take my guitar, my phone, and my

shame . . . and I leave her completely alone.

Chapter Twelve

Sydney

I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to go

to class. I definitely don’t want to go job hunting

again. I don’t want to do anything but keep this

pillow pulled over my eyes, because it’s creating

a nice barrier between myself and every mirror in

this apartment.

I don’t want to look in the mirror, because I’m

scared I’ll see myself for who I really am this

time. A girl with no morals or respect for other

people’s relationships.

I can’t believe I kissed him last night.

I can’t believe he kissed me.

I can’t believe I broke into tears the second he

pulled away from me and I saw the look on his

face. I didn’t think it was possible to cram so

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much regret and sorrow into one expression. See-

ing how much he regretted being in that moment

with me was one of the biggest blows my heart

has ever taken. It hurt worse than what Hunter

did to me. It hurt worse than what Tori did to me.

But as much as it hurt seeing the regret on his

face, it was nothing compared to the guilt and

shame I felt when I thought of what I had done to

Maggie. What he had done to Maggie.

I knew the moment he put his hand on my

chest and moved closer to me that I should have

flown off the bed and made him leave the room.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

The closer he moved and the longer we stared

at each other, the more my body was consumed

by need. It wasn’t a basic need, like a need for

water when I’m thirsty or a need for food when

I’m hungry. It was an insatiable need for relief.

Relief from the want and desire that had been

pent up for so long.

I never realized how powerful desire could be.

It consumes every part of you, enhancing your

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senses by a million. When you’re in the moment,

it enhances your sense of sight, and all you can

do is focus on the person in front of you. It en-

hances your sense of smell, and suddenly, you’re

aware of the fact that his hair has just been

washed and his shirt is fresh out of the dryer. It

enhances your sense of touch and makes your

skin prickle and your fingertips tingle, and it

leaves you craving to be touched. It enhances your sense of taste, and your mouth becomes

hungry and wanting, and the only thing that can

satisfy it is the relief of another mouth in search

of the same.

But the sense my desire enhanced the most?

Hearing.

As soon as Ridge placed the headphones in my

ears and the music began to play, the hair on my

arms rose, chills erupted from my skin, and it felt

as if my heart rate slowly conformed to the beat

of the song.

As much as Ridge craved that sense, too, he

couldn’t experience it. In that moment, all of his

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other senses combined failed to make up for the

one sense he desired the most. He wanted to hear

me just as much as I wanted him to hear me.

What happened between us didn’t happen be-

cause we were weak. Ridge didn’t run his hand

up my jaw and around to the back of my head

simply because I was in front of him and he was

in the mood to make out. He didn’t press his

body against mine because he thinks I’m attract-