Make a Wish (Spark House #3)(98)
“She’s fine. Just had a rough night. She’s been wetting the bed the past few days, and that hasn’t happened in years unless she’s sick.”
She purses her lips and sets the Tupperware containers on the console table. “Would this be at all related to what happened over the weekend with Karen and Kyle? Or is it because she fell? Maybe you need to take her to the doctor and make sure it’s just her ankle that’s the problem.”
Lying seems pointless. “I don’t think it’s medical, I think it’s stress-related. Harley and I broke up, and Peyton’s not taking it well.”
“What? When did that happen? Why did that happen, and why didn’t you tell me until now?”
“On Monday, after Peyton fell. I said some things I shouldn’t have, and I think I pushed her away.”
I can tell my mom is about to say something, but I interrupt before she can impart her wisdom. “It’s a long story, one I don’t have time to tell right now. Can we talk later? Maybe tonight?”
“Of course.” She gives me another hug and shoves the smaller muffin container into my hand. “You know your dad and I are always here for you.”
“I do. Thank you.” I leave for work, feeling more exhausted and miserable than I have in years.
I have a morning meeting, which goes well despite my exhaustion, in part because I cohost it with Ian, who takes one look at me, nabs the file from my hand, and tells me that he’s going to run this one.
When it’s over, he follows me back to my office and shuts the door behind him. “You look like shit. What the hell is going on?”
“Peyton’s been wetting the bed,” I tell him.
His eyebrows rise with his surprise. “Since when? Have you taken her to the doctor?”
“Not yet. I thought maybe she was coming down with something, but this morning she asked about Harley, and I honestly didn’t know what to tell her, so I said everything would be okay.”
“Does that mean you’ve talked to Harley?”
Ian knows about the blowout after our botched weekend getaway and Peyton’s fall. I filled him in, as much as I was willing anyway. I shake my head.
“Are you planning to call her?”
“She was out of town this weekend.” But she left the ball in my court, and she should be home by now. And still, I haven’t reached out, even though I should.
He crosses his arms and gives me a look. “And now it’s Monday, so what the hell is stopping you from fixing things?”
“I don’t know.” I run a hand through my hair, annoyed with myself and my inability to break this stupid cycle.
“Do you really not know, or are you afraid to face the truth?”
I drop down in my chair and deflate. “Which is what, according to you?”
“You’re sabotaging this relationship because you’re afraid to lose someone else. You’re letting Karen run your life not because you’re still carrying around guilt, but because it’s convenient and suits your purpose.” He takes the seat across from me. “Look, I know how hard losing Marcie was. It was hard on all of us. But you have to move on. Marcie wouldn’t want you to live like this, or be alone for the rest of your life. She’d want you and Peyton to be happy. Unless maybe that’s not where you see this going with Harley?”
For the first time I really hear him. Really hear what he’s saying and how I’ve been making my own life impossible by al lowing Karen to meddle in my relationships. “No.” I shake my head. “It’s not that I don’t want this with Harley. She’s exactly who I need, and I’m absolutely in love with her, which is the part I think I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around. Until now, I thought Marcie was the love of my life. But then I lost her and Harley came into my life.” I rub my temple, trying to get a grip on my thoughts and feelings, which is a hell of a lot more difficult than I anticipated it would be. “Before Harley left, she said she wouldn’t come second to a ghost.”
Ian raises an eyebrow. “Wow. I didn’t even think about that.” He crosses his arms, pensive for a moment. “Do you think you’re having a hard time allowing yourself to accept how you feel about Harley because it’s stronger than the way you felt about Marcie?”
I shake my head. “It’s not that I love her more. It’s just different. I’m different. And I feel like I’m burying all those feelings I had for Marcie along with her and letting Harley take her place. With me and with Peyton.”
“You have to let it go so you can have a future. Harley’s right. She can’t compete with a ghost, and more than that, she shouldn’t have to. She’s someone you love and want to build a future with. And Peyton deserves to have a woman in her life who will love her like a mother would.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Maybe you need to talk to someone again. A professional.”
“I did that, after Marcie died.” And I hated every minute of it. I went for about six weeks and then decided it wasn’t for me.
“You should consider giving it another shot. Not just for you, but for Peyton and Harley. If you want this relationship with her to work, and I think you do, despite how scared you are, then you need to work through this stuff.”
I lace my hands behind my head, absorbing his words. “I think I tried the therapy route too soon after Marcie died. I don’t think I was ready, and then I buried it instead of dealing with it. I don’t want to lose Harley because I can’t get a handle on my past.”