Make a Wish (Spark House #3)(99)
“Losing Marcie was traumatic. You gained a daughter and lost your partner in the same day. No one is expecting you to ever get over it, but you do need to learn how to cope so you can have a healthy relationship with someone else. Whether or not that’s Harley is something you need to figure out.”
“I think it is Harley. Maybe it always was Harley.” I think back to the moment in the kitchen that flipped some kind of switch in me. It might not have been the reason I packed my bags and moved myself and my daughter away, but it definitely played a factor. The timing had been all wrong, and I didn’t have control of my emotions back then. It seems like that’s still the case.
Ian nods. “I see how happy you are with her and how much Peyton adores her and how much she adores Peyton. I’d hate for you to lose that because you’re scared and don’t know how to deal.”
I scrub a hand over my face. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I really wanted to believe I’d dealt with all this shit.”
“Aside from Trista a few years ago, you haven’t had a serious relationship in a decade. There are going to be some hiccups. Harley broke it off not because she doesn’t want to be with you, but because she doesn’t always want to come second to someone who isn’t here anymore. It’s not a fight she can win. Maybe that’s something the two of you should do together, if she’s open.”
I nod. “That’s probably a good idea, and one I wouldn’t have entertained until now. Thanks for always being here to keep me on the straight and narrow.”
He claps me on the shoulder. “I just want you to be happy, man. You deserve it. More than most.”
* * *
I call Karen as soon as Ian leaves my office. It goes to voicemail, so I leave a message, telling her we need to talk and that I’d like to come out her way because it’s a conversation that would be best in person. My intention is to figure out a time that works for me to drive out to Boulder. Hell, I’d go right now if I could, but I don’t want to appear on their doorstep without warning.
So I’m surprised when I pull into the driveway and find not only my parents’ car in the driveway, but my in-laws’ as well.
“Hello?” I call out as I kick off my shoes.
Peyton comes hobbling down the hall, and she throws her arms around me. “I stayed home from school, and Granny came down for a visit, and we watched a movie and made chocolate chip cookies.”
“Well, that’s a nice surprise. Was it a good day?” I push down the sudden spike of nerves. I need to get my shit together, and it looks like the universe is giving me a chance to do that.
“It was. But I still feel bad about last night.” She twists her hands together and looks up at me with regret in her eyes.
I crouch down in front of her and take her hands in mine. “Don’t feel bad, honey. I know there’s been a lot going on lately. I want you to know that what’s happening with Harley isn’t because of you, okay? She still loves you very much, and I still love her, even if we had an argument.”
“Does that mean you’re going to talk to her and apologize?”
“I’m going to try. And I’m going to see about getting someone for you and me to talk to.”
“To talk about what?” She tips her head.
“About our feelings. About the things that scare us and make us happy. Whatever we need to talk about.”
“Okay. I can talk about my feelings. I have a lot of them,” Peyton says seriously.
“I know you do. And so do I, but I’m not always the best at expressing them.”
“It just takes some practice.”
“It does.” I hold my arms open. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
I follow her to the kitchen, where I find my mom and Karen sitting at the table with cups of tea.
I tuck a hand in my pocket. “Hey. I guess you got my message.”
Karen folds her hands on the table, her smile a little uncertain. “I called the house, and Judith and I had a chat. I thought it might be a good idea for me to come out this way.”
My mom gives her hand a reassuring squeeze and pushes her chair away from the table. “Peyton, you and I are going to go pick up some stuff for dinner, okay? Why don’t you put your coat on and I’ll meet you at the front door?”
“Okay!” Peyton hobbles down the hall, blissfully oblivious to the tension.
My mother gives my forearm a squeeze on her way past me. “We’ll give you two some time to talk.”
I slide into the empty seat across from Karen, who repeatedly dips her tea bag into her mug. It looks like I’m not the only nervous one here. She waits until the front door closes with a quiet click before she speaks. “Judith told me about you and Harley. I’m very sorry.”
“Are you?” I lean back in my chair, trying to read her expression.
She sighs and focuses on the table for a moment before she finally raises her head again and meets my gaze. “Judith told me what’s been going on with Peyton, and how hard this has been for you. And I realized that I haven’t been fair to Harley, or you and Peyton.”
“No, you haven’t,” I agree. “And I’m trying to understand why.”
She swallows thickly. “It was hard for me when you decided to move back to Colorado Springs, and I worried about how that was going to affect my relationship with Peyton. In a way, I felt a lot like I’d been able to take on the role of mother for Peyton, and then suddenly you were gone. It was like losing Marcie all over again. And then you started seeing Harley soon after you moved back. It was a lot of change that I wasn’t prepared for, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.”