Make a Wish (Spark House #3)(71)

“And you think that’s going to make it impossible for him to entertain you having a baby?”

“Maybe. I probably shouldn’t even be contemplating it. But this—” I stroke Ella’s cheek, and she makes a small noise, snuggling in closer. “This makes me happy. This fulfills me in ways nothing else does.”

Avery nods slowly. “Would you consider adoption if having your own baby is a deal breaker for him?”

“Adoption is always an option, but I’d only want to go in that direction if I couldn’t conceive. There are so many families out there who can’t have their own children. I wouldn’t want to take that opportunity from someone else if the only thing standing between me and having a baby is my partner’s fear, if that makes sense. And then the other part of me wonders if I’m being selfish for wanting something like this at all. And for even thinking about it. Especially when we haven’t been together for very long.”

“You’re not off base for thinking about it, not with me being pregnant and Ella being adorable and you trying to figure out how to navigate your relationship with a single dad,” she says.

“I spent all that time raising a baby that wasn’t mine and taking care of other people’s children. I want that experience for myself too. I really want to be a mother, and I don’t think I realized how much until now.”

“And you should be one, however that’s going to look, and whoever is lucky enough to have your love. Whether it’s Gavin or someone else.”

I sigh. “I love being an aunt, and I feel like I could be a good stepmom to Peyton, if Gavin and I are meant for each other, but I don’t know if I would be satisfied if that was where it ended for me.”

“It’s a lot to think about,” Avery says softly.

“It is. And I know he and I just started dating, but with our history and my relationship with Peyton, it’s hard not to think about what the future is going to look like. It’s days like these that I wish Mom were still here. Not that she would be able to tell me what to do, or that I can’t pick up the phone and call Grandma Spark in Italy, but it would just be nice to have a mom to go to with things like this.”

“I get exactly what you mean.” She reaches out and takes my hand. “At least we have each other, right?”

“At least we have each other.” I squeeze her hand back.

I love my sisters more than anything, but as much as I’d like them to be a replacement for the mother we lost, they can’t be. And maybe that’s the hardest part about all of this, knowing what it’s like to grow up without a mom, and how different life is when you have two loving parents, instead of none. More than that, it’s seeing the possibility of a family with Gavin and Peyton, but being unsure whether it’s enough. Especially when his mother-in-law keeps putting up roadblocks, and Gavin doesn’t seem capable of knocking them down.





Twenty


THIS WINDING ROAD


GAVIN

For the first time since Harley came back into our lives, I feel unsteady. I know there are a lot of things I need to deal with. Namely my mother-in-law. But there’s a minefield surrounding her, full of guilt and a lot of other emotions I’m not sure I’m capable of managing.

What worries me most, though, is my uncertainty over whether I’ll be able to get a handle on them eventually, if at all, and what that means for my future.

On Sunday morning I stop in at the office to pick up some things I forgot on Friday. They could probably wait until Monday morning, but I need a few minutes to myself, and having my in-laws in my personal space all weekend is a lot.

I’m surprised when I find Ian in the office too. “What are you doing here on a Sunday morning?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” He closes his laptop and unplugs it. “I have a meeting off-site tomorrow morning, and I needed some files. It’s on the other side of town, closer to my place, so I figured I’d grab my stuff now so I can go directly to the meeting from there. And I can pick up cinnamon buns from Lynn’s favorite place on the way home, so it’s a win all around. You using the excuse that you forgot something at work to escape the in-laws?”

I drop down in the chair opposite him. “Yeah, basically.”

“Everything okay?”

I blow out a breath. “I don’t know.”

“That doesn’t sound good. Did something happen?”

I fill him in on the restaurant fiasco and the way Harley went off and also the way I left her place on Friday night instead of staying and dealing with the situation.

“Have you talked to her at all since then?”

“Just a few text messages back and forth. It was supposed to be her weekend off, and I guess she went into work because her sisters needed help.”

“So she went to work because you bailed on her, and it was better than being alone and angry at you?” Ian supplies.

“Probably.” I rub my bottom lip. “I need to deal with Karen.”

“Yeah, you do,” Ian agrees. “What’s stopping you?”

I run my hands over my face. “I don’t know. When I moved here, I thought I’d be able to have an actual fucking life, and it seems like she still has as much control over my social life as she did when I was living in the same city as they were.”