Make a Wish (Spark House #3)(68)

“You can’t. This is mine to deal with.” He runs a hand through his hair and blows out a breath. “I’m going to grab an Uber. I want to be here, but I think we both need some time after today. I’m not telling you that you don’t have the right to be upset right now, Harley, with me, with Karen, but I don’t think any conversation we have today is going to be productive. Karen will be this way with any woman I bring into my life—”

“But it’s worse because we already have a history,” I finish for him.

“It makes it harder. There are memories attached to you.” He looks away. “Not just for Karen, but for me too. I just”—he closes his eyes and shakes his head—“I need some time to think, okay?”

“Are you asking for permission or are you telling me?”

“I don’t know. Both?”

I set my cooler on the counter and cross my arms. “If you need time, take it. I don’t want to push you into things you’re not ready to handle.”

He sighs again and crosses the room. He kisses my cheek, lips lingering there for a second, and when I feel him move toward my mouth, I turn my head away. I can’t give affection when he won’t give emotion. And that’s what this feels like—excuses drenched in his guilt.

A reason for him to keep me safely inside a box. His heart tucked away, out of reach and maybe too broken to be mended.





Nineteen


THE PATH TO HERE


HARLEY

Despite it being my weekend off, I dump the rest of the cooler—I drank a quarter of it—and head to Spark House. If I’m not spending the evening with Gavin, I might as well help my sisters and give one of them the night off, if they want it.

I show up at Spark House just before dinner and expect to find my sisters in the kitchen, or at least London, since she’s always been a bit of a micromanager, but they’re both sitting in the office, snacking on appetizers.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Avery cocks a brow and pops a tiny puff pastry into her mouth.

“My night opened up.” Even though I came from a late lunch only a couple of hours ago, I grab a fig-and-cream-cheese tart and bite into it. I know exactly where this came from, and they have the best appetizer platter known to man. I will avoid dinner altogether and fill a plate with these if I have the opportunity. And tonight I feel like stress eating.

“Peyton not feeling good or something?”

“Or something,” I say through a mouthful of tart. “Why aren’t you two in the dining room, doing dining room things?”

“Because we hired people to do the dining room things three months ago and figured we should probably let them do the dining room things without us constantly interfering and hovering,” London replies. “And I threatened to tie Avery to her chair if she went to check on them before seven. Now, back to why you’re here and not with Gavin. I thought you two were supposed to have some alone time tonight.”

My sisters always have been and always will be my sounding boards, so I fill them in on what happened at the restaurant, the conversation I had with Gavin at my place, and the fact that he took an Uber home because he needs time to think. “Am I in too deep here?” I ask, dragging a hand down my face.

“Probably,” London says.

Avery shoots her a look. “You hit a bump in the road. And when you think about it, it makes sense that he’s struggling, you know?”

“Am I being unreasonable, wanting him to stick up for me?” In the moment my reaction felt justified, but now I’m not so sure.

Avery flips a tiny soccer stress ball between her fingers. “Of course, it’s justifiable that you’d want him to stick up for you, especially when his former mother-in-law is being a super bitch. But I can see where he’s coming from, because if he truly believes he’s the reason his wife died during childbirth, then of course he’s always going to feel like he owes them something. And in this case, that something is his passive acceptance of their criticism.” She sets the ball on the table and reaches for another appetizer. “It really does make a lot of sense on all sides. She feels threatened by your presence in Peyton’s life. They’ve moved back here, and he immediately reconnects with you.”

“It’s not like I sought him out,” I say defensively.

“No, but it doesn’t change the fact that you have history with both Gavin and Peyton. He cares about you and always has. And let’s be really real about this, he probably had feelings for you back when you were taking care of Peyton. Maybe not developed ones, because of the age difference and how glaring it would have been since you started taking care of Peyton when you were nineteen, but they existed all the same. And they would have been completely understandable for both of you. You were literally a standin mother for Peyton. There are so many layers to that. And a lot of confusing emotions on all sides. You were probably a threat to Karen back then, and this is bringing up all those old feelings. Likely not just for her, but also for Gavin.”

“You sound like a therapist,” I tell her.

She shrugs. “Declan’s had a lot of therapy. And we’ve had a lot of couples’ counseling.”

“I didn’t realize that. You two seem so solid.” Avery and Declan’s love is the kind that I want for myself. They’re best friends and lovers. They always have each other’s back—at least that’s how it looks from the outside.