Magical Midlife Madness (Leveling Up #1)(24)

This time I just stared.

“And now you’re incredibly surprised and impressed that I read that right,” he said, the guys nearly upon us now. Jostling one another. Working on their collective courage and bad decision-making.

“I don’t know about incredibly,” I murmured, pulling up the larger of the knives and stepping behind him. If he wanted to cause the problem, he could take the brunt of the attack.

“Fine night, isn’t it?” the tallest of the guys said, taking the lead, his hair flopping over an eye.

“Kids at home?” Flat-top said with a toothy grin. “Finally getting some?”

“Getting some in the middle of the sidewalk? Kid, we’re forty. We don’t have to bang in the back seat of cars anymore. We can do it in a house,” I said, the world still floating. I had zero inhibitions and a knife in my hand. This would go how it would go.

“What?” someone said.

“Listen, guys, this is a quiet town.” Austin put up his hands like he was surrendering. “People are sleeping. Yelling at strangers down the street is not how we do things here. Let’s tone it down, okay?”

“That’s not how you do things here?” the mean one said, edging forward, violence written clearly on his face. He didn’t care that Austin was a foot taller or much, much wider. He was fueled by testosterone and stupid, a lethal combination.

“I call Flat-top.” I loosened my knees and shifted from left to right, ready for action. Alcohol was a strong deterrent against fear. “My dad has a nice little spot in my old room where I can store Flat-top’s scalp. My mom won’t mind. She deals with all kinds of weird things. She won’t rat me out, either.”

“Dude, what the hell?” one of them said.

“Are they Dicks?” I asked. “Because Niamh said we could just throw them in an unmarked grave, no questions asked. I believe her, too. That big old house has lots of woods. We can probably hide them anywhere and no one would be the wiser. I don’t see any cameras, there’s no one on the street, and there is zero motive. No one would be able to trace them back to us. You know, if this altercation goes pear-shaped.”

Silence greeted me. Austin’s hands were still raised, his body loose as a goose. Nonetheless, I knew he was ready for action. That guy could sucker punch at the drop of a hat.

“Hello?” I asked, slowly peering around Austin’s big back.

The three guys stood there, their lips and eyes tight and their expressions suddenly unsure.

“What’s the status on this?” I asked, and swayed into Austin’s back. “Hah!” I reached around him and slashed with my knife, just in case they got the idea that my drunkenness meant I wasn’t primed and ready.

“Dude, what… No.” Flat-top shook his head and put up his hands, not unlike Austin. “Screw this, bro. That chick is…weird.”

“You all are insane, brother,” tall guy said, giving Austin a look that said he was crazy. It was a cover for insecurity, but I’d take it.

I felt Austin’s body shake a little under my lean, like he was laughing. I could probably straighten up, but worried I’d stagger back in the other direction. The lean would have to do for now.

Mean Guy stared at Austin, his face flat, a sparkle of unhinged in his eyes. He wanted to try his hand at a bigger dude.

“Neck to navel,” I murmured, my fingers tight on the knife. “A quick slice, neck to navel. Or maybe navel to neck. I’m not sure what would be best. It’s fine, though. I’ll aim for the soft bits and just rip to the side. That oughta do the trick.”

“Bro, come on,” Flat-top said, walking backward toward the hotel. “That bitch is crazy. Let’s go!”

“I’m crazy?” I asked. “You started it! You started it, and I plan on finishing it. That’s just responsible fighting. That’s what a mother does, finishes things. Then tidies up. Trash can, unmarked grave, whatever. Garbage goes where I put it, and that’s that.”

Mean guy squinted at Austin, glanced at me peeking out from behind him, then blew out his breath and backed up slowly. “Until next time,” he said with a smirk.

“If only I had a throwing knife, I would stick it right in your smug little back, you…” I gritted my teeth. “Screw him, let’s go.”

I pushed off Austin, and just as I expected, I staggered backward and almost fell. A strong arm wrapped around my back, keeping me upright.

“I’d be home right now if you’d just listened to me,” I said, my eyes drooping. I leaned against his side. “A little nap would be nice.”

“Where, in a bush?”

“Sure. A bush, a gutter—I’m in no position to judge.”

Another arm, this one down low. The world spun, and then he was cradling me in his arms, my head on his shoulder. So close, so hard, and not nearly as comfortable as a pillow.

“I’m either going to pass out or throw up,” I said, my head lolling into his hot neck.

“Thanks for saving me back there,” he said, his deep timber rumbling through his chest.

I was too tired to huff out a laugh. Or maybe too drunk. “Oh.” I pulled my head up and held up the knife. “I need to put this away before I forget I’m holding it and drop it.”