Magical Midlife Madness (Leveling Up #1)(29)

“Oh no, he’s fine. It was just three steps,” Edgar said. “He’s okay. When he wakes up in a couple of hours, he’ll be tired, maybe a little hungover, but nothing serious.”

He said it with absolute confidence, like this wasn’t the first time he’d removed a man’s shirt and dragged him out of the yard by the ankle after he fell down three steps and somehow started bleeding from the neck.

“I can’t.” I shook my head, utterly defeated. “I can’t with any of this.”

“Totally understandable. I get what you mean,” Edgar said, walking with me across the rocks.

“I don’t think you do.”

“No, I don’t, but I wanted to provide a united front.”

My phone vibrated. A text message from an unknown number: Did you survive?

“I know you took them,” Niamh yelled at Mr. Tom at the edge of the front yard. The poor young guy lay at her feet, arms and legs splayed. “Just admit it. You didn’t want to look bad getting hit by a rock, so you scattered them to the four winds.”

“I did not scatter anything. You’re clearly senile. You probably came home last night and threw them at the neighbors’ houses.”

“I’ve only done that one time and it was after they tried to throw me a surprise welcome party. That was justified. You took them!”

I sighed, knowing I had to come clean. Mr. Tom shouldn’t have to take the heat.

Before I started forward, I sent a quick text: Who is this?

“Niamh, stop arguing and look after that kid, will you?” I said.

She and Mr. Tom cut off their bickering for long enough to give me a blank look.

“The Dick at your feet.” I pointed to help them along, absolutely flabbergasted. They really didn’t put much stock in tourists. This was starting to get ridiculous. “Get him home. Or at least to a bed. And call a doctor or something. Take care of the poor guy. And as for your rocks—”

“No. She cannot have ours,” Mr. Tom said, crossing his arms. “She has lost her rocks. That is her problem. Your stiff little boy wonder here probably scattered them for fun,” he told her. “Young people do those kinds of things. Regardless, it is not our problem. Now, get off my lawn.”

“It’s not your lawn.” Niamh harrumphed as she bent and grabbed the guy’s ankle. She hesitated for a moment. “Well?”

Mr. Tom grunted in annoyance, and then they worked together to carry him across the street and into Niamh’s house.

I was even more confused than the moment before. Than I’d been all day yesterday. These people were all nuts. All of them. And I was getting a little crazier each moment I spent with them.

Text message: It’s Austin. You programmed your number in my phone last night for an alibi re: stones.

“And the plot thickens,” Edgar said softly.

I jerked my phone away from his prying eyes, not having realized he’d snuck up right behind me.

“That’s not what it seems,” I said quickly.

“It seems like Austin Steele is giving you permission to use only his first name. He must think very highly of you. Or perhaps he realizes your potential and wants to create an alliance early. Don’t worry, I skimmed over the reference to Niamh’s stones.”

“Alliance for what? Horseshoes?” I turned toward the house. I still didn’t know what was going on, but they seemed to have it handled. Best I didn’t know any more details in case I had to go on the witness stand at some point. “He said people call him by his full name because of respect. I still don’t get that. He’s a bartender. It’s not like he’s a sheriff or anything.”

“Yes. I can see the confusion, being that it is not customary. But we’re an eccentric town. It works for us.”

“Uh-huh.”

I shook my fuzzy, pounding head. The aspirin either still hadn’t kicked in or wasn’t going to. I was betting on the latter. I’d overdone it last night. Way overdone it. And given hangovers were so much worse as I got older, I didn’t think bouncing back was in the cards. I’d have to suffer through.

But I couldn’t handle any more weird. No more. I had to push the brakes.

“Great. Awesome. Fabulous.” I walked past him.

I texted Austin: I hurt so bad it’s not funny. Mr. Tom “re-homed” the rocks and is taking the heat for it. Feel bad a little.

Austin texted back: Don’t feel bad. It’ll give him a little excitement in his life. I’ll sprinkle the rocks you forced on me throughout town so Niamh can find them again. It’ll give her something to do.

I almost told him about what I’d seen this morning—and the others’ bizarre behavior—but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. If he didn’t find it strange, I wasn’t sure what I would do with myself. I wanted to fit in here, and to do that it was clear I couldn’t be a Dick or Jane. So for now, I was just going to quietly go about my life and try to figure things out.

I’d also stay away from older people. No drags of shame for me, thank you very much. I’d been in a lot of embarrassing situations over the years, but that would easily ice the cake.

I let myself back in my room and gulped down the lukewarm coffee. Time to get ready and explore the house. I wanted to see what secrets it held.