Love Online(75)

This clearly wasn’t easy for him to bring up.

“You’ve been wanting to say this for a while, haven’t you?”

“What right do I have to tell you what to do? None. All I can tell you is how I feel. I know that sounds hypocritical, because your job is how we met, but the more I grow to love you, the harder it is for me to accept sharing you.”

I wanted to quit camming more than anything, but this wasn’t just about no longer taking my clothes off. The camming was my livelihood, and giving it up meant becoming dependent on Ryder, something I’d vowed I’d never do.

“I really want to be able to say yes.”

“What’s your hesitation?”

“I don’t want to have to rely on you. And without that money coming in, I will.”

“What’s wrong with leaning on someone else for a while—especially someone who has the means to support you? You’ve been independent for a long time. It’s okay to let someone else help you, especially if they love you. This isn’t charity, Eden. You finding a different career would benefit me just as much as you. In a way, it’s me being selfish and using my money for my own benefit—for my own sanity. Look at it that way, if you want. Let me buy some sanity.”

That did help me see the situation a bit differently. “Love is about sacrifice, isn’t it? I guess I’m still getting used to not only that concept but the idea that someone would love me enough to want to take care of me.”

“I wouldn’t be supporting you forever, because I know you wouldn’t let me do that, even though I might want to. So just let me get you on your feet, so you can do something you want to do, that makes you happy and doesn’t make me want to kill half the male population of the world.”

That made me laugh, but I knew he wasn’t kidding. And I’d made up my mind; I wasn’t going to continue doing something that made him miserable. It had been different before we were truly committed, but being in a relationship was about sacrifices. Ryder was already sacrificing a lot of time to be with me, and I needed to take this plunge, despite how scary it seemed.

There was only one thing left to say. “Okay.”

Ryder seemed surprised at how easily I gave in. “Okay? Like, you’re done? Just like that?”

“Yes. Cold turkey. I’ll post a message on my page tomorrow and cancel my account.”

He buried his face in my chest. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

“You know, it was a big deal what you did earlier, using the word family around Ollie. I know you wouldn’t do that unless you absolutely planned to stick around. That helped it sink in how serious you are about this. So, this is a two-way street. I wouldn’t have the courage to leave camming if I wasn’t certain you were here to stay.”

“I am, baby. I love you so much.”

I looked around at all of my props. “Whatever am I gonna do with all of this shit?”

He sighed. “Some of it I think we should burn. Other things, like the lube, we can put to good use.”

With each second that passed, I became more relieved about leaving my job. “Oh my God, I never want to see another dildo for as long as I live.”

“No more sacrificing bananas,” he joked.

I cackled. “No more telling men how to dress themselves. No more talking like a baby to men wearing diapers.”

His eyes widened. “Hold up. What?”

“Oh yeah. I didn’t tell you that one?”

“No!” Ryder shook his head and laughed. “Also, no more dumb questions from AssLover.”

“Aw, I loved AssLover. He was so…special.”

“Until he professed his love—that’s when he crossed the line. You should’ve seen the look of horror on your face when you thought he was the one saying all those things.”

“I can’t even be mad about anything that went down that night. I was so relieved to find out I didn’t have a delusional stalker, and that our feelings are mutual.”

Ryder looked up into my eyes. “You know, I spent a long time feeling like I didn’t belong in my own skin. I had the perfect job, the seemingly perfect life, yet I was never happy. Happiness cannot be found in things. I know that now. I never felt truly happy until I met you. And Ollie just adds a layer to that—one I didn’t even know was possible. I’ve realized making him happy makes me happy. And it doesn’t take much, because he appreciates the little things. I’m learning that the little things are the big things. He’s taught me so much about what’s really important. All I need is this little family we have. Thank you for letting me be part of it.”

I couldn’t kiss him hard enough as I planted my lips on his. “I don’t know that it even felt like we were a complete family until you came into our lives, Ryder. It always felt like Ollie and me against the world. Now it’s the three of us, and that feels complete.”

His eyes searched mine. “I want you to feel safe with me. I know you’re not used to trusting men. I wish there were a way for me to prove how serious I am about this. But only time will show my commitment. And I look forward to proving every day how much I love you. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you or that boy. I would move mountains for you.”

When it came to Ryder’s promises, I would soon discover moving mountains could be taken both figuratively and literally.