Love Online(72)

Here comes the hard part. “But the thing is…now I know why things had to end between us. We weren’t meant to be together, Mal. People who are meant to be together don’t break as easily as we broke. But more than that, I’ve found the person I’m meant to be with—and it isn’t you. I’m sorry.”

There was just no easy way to say it. And I felt a mix of emotions—sadness for Mallory and peace in knowing my heart now truly understood what it wanted.

A tear fell from her eye. “You really love this girl…Eden?” She wiped it away.

I didn’t have to think about my answer. “Yes. Very much.”

“She told me she cares about you, too. I just didn’t think things were really that—”

“What?” Mallory spoke to Eden? “She told you? How?”

“I talked to her in the bathroom at your dad’s wake. I told her I’d planned on getting you back and I still loved you. I asked her not to tell you about our conversation.”

“She knew this was going to happen?”

“Yes.”

Now it made sense, Eden’s strange mood the last night she was in California.

And her comment on the phone tonight: “Get it over with.”

Fuck.

She thought she was going to lose me to Mallory.

I had so much explaining to do, so much I needed to say to Eden. And it couldn’t wait any longer.

“I’m really sorry, Mallory. Like I said, I can’t tell you I don’t love you anymore, because that wouldn’t be true. A part of me will always love you and hold the time we had together close to my heart. But I know the right person is out there for you somewhere.”

It took several minutes for Mallory to compose herself. She finally stood up and said, “This girl better treat you right. She has no idea how lucky she is. No idea.”

After another moment, she moved from her spot.

“Take care of yourself,” I told her.

I walked her to the door and watched as she got into her car and drove away.

***

By the time a couple of hours had passed, my heart was bursting with the need to talk to Eden, to tell her I loved her. It was long overdue.

Mallory had forced me to search inside myself. I’d been so consumed by the aftermath of my father’s death that I hadn’t been able to pay attention to what I was feeling.

Fuck, I needed to tell her. Now. But she was right in the middle of her show, so I couldn’t talk to her.

The need to see her, though, was unbearable, especially when she might be thinking she was about to lose me. I needed to make sure she was okay. So I decided to turn on her show and watch for a while.

When I called up her page, Eden was sitting with her legs crossed, just talking and answering questions. She looked okay, not sad or anything, so that calmed me down a little. And my pulse definitely slowed any time I logged in and found her not naked. Thank God her clothes were on.

One of the questions someone typed in for her caught my attention.



Luke893: Have you ever been in love, Montana? And how can you tell if you’re really in love with someone?



She was still in the middle of answering a different question, so I wasn’t sure if she had seen that one. But I waited anxiously for her response.

After about a minute, she said, “Have I ever been in love, Luke wants to know.”

My heart pounded as Eden inhaled and closed her eyes.

Say yes.

“I most definitely have been in love, Luke. All I can say is…you just know when you love someone. But the most telltale sign is if the thought of losing them scares you more than anything. You spend years just fine on your own and then—boom. Someone comes along, and you realize you can no longer breathe without them. It’s…terrifying.”

And if I’d had any doubt she was referring to me, she added, “Let’s just say, your question is very timely tonight.”

I couldn’t let her go on another second thinking she was about to lose me. I needed her to know how much I loved her, how much she had me.

I typed frantically.



I love you so much, Eden. I’m so sorry I haven’t said those words before tonight, but I’ve felt it for a very long time. You’re my person. And you’re not going to lose me—not for any job, not for any other woman, not for anything in this world. You are a gift from God who came into my life just when I needed you most. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I cherish you. Please forgive me for taking so long to realize that I cannot live without you.



When she finally noticed the comment, the look on Eden’s face wasn’t what I’d been hoping for. It was an expression of shock…confusion…maybe disgust?

Then it hit me.

Fuck.

Fuck!

Fuck!

I’d just professed my love for her logged in as AssLover433! She had no way of knowing it was me—probably thought I was a whack-job stalker.

Nice, Ryder.

Nice!

I rubbed my hands over my face. Okay, think.

I typed.



Eden, it’s Ryder. Please don’t hate me, but I created this account so I could watch you without you getting nervous about it. It’s me—been me all along, fucking with you from this account. (Was gonna tell you about it eventually so we could have a laugh. Never got around to it. Whoops!) I got a little ahead of myself and forgot I wasn’t logged in as ScreenGod just now. I’m losing my mind because I needed to tell you how much I love you before you spent another second thinking we were in trouble. I know why you were worried. And you were wrong, Eden. It’s not her. It’s you. It’s always been you. I love you. I meant every word I just said. I love you so much. So fucking much, baby. You have no idea.