Love At First Hate (Love At Firsts Book 2)(50)
How am I meant to be happy and live my life how I want when wherever I go, whatever I do, something or someone is going to try to mess it up for Matt and me? Is it all just a ploy to cover the fact that I’m gay and that my family can’t accept it? Surely Caroline wouldn’t have gotten married to someone just to cover it up and go with my father’s plan, that’d be ridiculous.
“Stop thinking and start living,” Matt says, bringing me back to reality as we make it to the beach.
“What?” I look at him.
“We’re here.” He chuckles.
“What did you say before?”
“Stop thinking and start living.” He kisses me and helps me out. Any other time I’d be offended to get help, but weirdly, it’s alright when it’s Matt. Go figure.
“It’s funny, remember that little old lady I told you about?”
“Yeah, what about her?”
“She said the same thing to me when I went to talk to my mom after the mess happened at the restaurant.”
“Wise words. My grandmother always tells me that.” He chuckles.
“Pinching her words huh?”
“Yeah, she’s awesome, I guess the awesome gene runs in the family.” He shrugs.
“Modesty too,” Spencer scoffs.
“Always, sugarplum.” Matt blows him a kiss.
“Blow him a kiss one more time, and I swear I’ll dropkick your ass!” Haven threatens Matt.
“I’ll be nice because it’s your wedding this week, but after that, it’s on.” Matt smirks at her.
“Forgetting you have your other half next to you?” She stands up to him.
“No, how could I forget about him? I’ll be teasing the shit out of you even more.” He winks at her and kisses me deeply, tongue and everything just to prove a point.
“Why am I turned on instead of mad at him now?” Haven mumbles to herself.
“Because we’re hot stuff, baby!” Matt fist bumps the air, and we all laugh at his and Haven’s banter. I used to be jealous of their relationship, probably because I’ve never had a friend I’ve been that close to, but I quickly found out that they were always like that and there’s nothing going on between them. They see each other as family.
The rest of the day went by without any incident. I even dared get on one of the jet skis behind Matt. It was actually a lot of fun. It’s the first time in years that I’ve done something for myself and enjoyed it. We had lunch on the beach, all together besides Matt’s parents who went exploring on their own. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I have belonged to a group until today. It’s an overwhelming feeling. These people whom I’ve only briefly met for the most part were chatting to me as if we knew each other for as long as they’ve known each other.
Feeling like you belong to a group of people is something that I never expected to have. I’m not really social, but since meeting Matt and properly talking to him earlier this year, I’ve expanded my horizons and done things I never would have done, including taking a thousand selfies with him. I don’t know how someone can take so many selfies, but it was fun, and at least I’ll have something to look back at if things go bad because of Lindsey.
I didn’t think of her and the conversation she was having until now that we’re almost back at the hotel, and I’m dreading what will happen if I cross paths with her.
Stop thinking and start living.
I really should start doing just that, but something is stopping me, and I don’t know what…
Seeing Nate torture himself for most of the day with what we heard this morning isn’t something I want to go through again. Not because I'm jealous, but because I don’t want to see him get hurt, and Lindsey has pain for Nate written all over her. One way or another, she’s going to manage to f*ck things up between us. I just know it, and I don’t want to wait for the coin to drop and for her to break us up.
Selfishly, I don’t think I would recover from this breakup. We might only have been together for two days, but f*ck, I love Nate. I fell in love with him as time went by between us. I didn’t realize it until today. It hit me like a ton of bricks. When we overheard Lindsey, that’s when I knew. Because I’m scared shitless of losing him.
The way I feel about him, the way I look at him, the way he makes me feel; f*ck, I’ve never felt this way for anybody else, and I’m already feeling the hurt of whatever is going to tear us apart.
If only I could lock us up for the rest of our time here and spend it in the room doing nothing besides being together, I’d be happy with that. But that’d be selfish to ask him that, or would it? I mean he might want the same thing and not want to cross paths with Lindsey. I wonder if it crossed his mind to just give into what they are asking of him so he doesn’t have to deal with so much pressure.
It can’t be easy for him at the moment. He’s recently discovered his attraction to men is more than curiosity, then our relationship bloomed from there. Now his psycho ex barges in out of nowhere to have his baby, which won’t happen, but she doesn’t know that yet.
I’m lost deep in my thoughts when soft lips crash on mine well, Nate’s soft lips. I smile instantly and kiss him back, bringing his body close to mine as we are in the elevator taking us to our room.