Love At First Hate (Love At Firsts Book 2)(2)
That’s when John started to change.
Besides the fact that I was still very much busy at work and his complaining about how I wasn’t spending the little free time I had with him, he became really possessive and obsessive about me. Now, I know what you’re going to say: he’s full of himself and a cocky bastard. I might be, but it’s the sad truth. He really became an obsessive and controlling *. Maybe I was too nice to him and let him walk all over me. The nicer you are with people, the worse they behave and treat you. Be an *. Assholes are happier. John seems really content with his *ness.
Whenever I wouldn’t reply to his messages straightaway, he would send another ten to make sure I would pay attention to him and reply to his constant messaging. Or he’d call me because he’d see me online and get frustrated that I wasn’t texting him back. He would blame it on hitting the wrong button and would try to start a conversation more so to get information about who I was with and what I was doing rather than just wanting to talk to me. At first, I thought it was cute, that he was doing it out of love and care for me, but it quickly turned into a creepy, stalkerish way, and I didn’t even notice the change.
With work being hectic, I was too self-absorbed in my career to see what was really happening. It never occurred to me that what he was doing was actually wrong and destroying us. It was putting distance between us. I’m not sure if it was his intention, but that’s what it did, even though I didn’t see it happen straightaway. Had I noticed, I’m not sure I’d have done something or rather what I could have done.
Just because something doesn’t sit right with you, doesn’t mean that you can actually change the way you feel. Sadly, that’s not how the heart works. Sometimes what seems to be the obvious choice to make isn’t that easy because your heart wants something else. It wants to hold onto the good that you had and forget the bad that it became. Even Jorge, one of my coworkers, warned me that John was obsessing about me and stalking me. When he first told me about it, I didn’t want to believe him. It was a ridiculous idea. I knew John, we had been together for over a year. We had passed the stage of wanting to know where the other was and what they were doing at all times, so I just brushed it off. I went on with how things were and didn’t really say anything, even though his constant stalking was getting to me. To some extent, it’s my fault. I did let things go too far.
If I wasn’t replying to his texts, he’d make a scene. If I wasn’t answering the phone, he’d make a scene. If I was late getting back from a business meeting, you guessed it. He’d make a scene. Everything was a good reason for him to make a scene. He’d track my every move: when I was online, where and when I’d be meeting with a client for a business meeting. Anywhere I would go, anything I would do, I’d be tracked.
The worst was when I’d get to his place after work to relax, spend some time together, and have dinner. He would question why I wasn’t answering his messages when he knew I got them or why I didn’t answer his calls. Even if he knew I was in a business meeting. He’d constantly accuse me of lying to him or cheating on him. I still haven’t figured out how me not replying to him straightaway meant that I was cheating on him, but okay.
Most of the time, I was too tired to fight or didn’t feel like justifying myself so I would drop it and let him get worked up for nothing while I was enjoying a nice glass of wine.
By that time, we were only seeing each other once or twice a week or over the weekend if I didn’t have any deadline for my ongoing articles. To me, the transition was natural, and I didn’t see anything change right then and there. Something was definitely off, but I didn’t want to address it. It’s like I was over the relationship already without noticing it.
When we’d spend the weekend together, things were fine. It seemed like whenever he’d get my constant attention, he was all lovey dovey. Yet when I actually had to meet people and do other things than him, he’d be a cold, heartless *. The emotional tug of war was wearing on me.
In the past couple of months, I was always taking the blame for being too quiet and not doing anything after a long day at work. John was working from home so he wanted to go out, but that’s the last thing I wanted to do. All I wanted was to crawl into bed, watch a movie, have a glass of wine and cuddle up with him or a pillow. At least the pillow wouldn’t yell at me because I’d be quiet and fall asleep on him. I didn’t want to relive every single little stressful detail about my work day.
Jorge joked the other day that he was surprised that John never got surveillance cameras installed in hidden places at the office or at my place. That’s pretty much the only thing that was missing to his ploy to track my every move. And yes, I checked to see if anything was hidden, nothing was.
The real reason why we hadn’t seen each other much these past couple of months is because I was pulling away from him. I’m not going to be an * about it, I can take the blame when I’m to blame. I was getting fed up with how things were going between us and the way he was acting toward me. I just wanted more freedom, and he wouldn’t let me have it.
In hindsight, maybe I should have tried to talk to him and make him see that his behavior was making me pull away, but it’s too late now.
On the rare occasion we did see each other, he’d start a fight for one reason or another. Most times, they were childish reasons and annoyed me more than anything else. We’re supposed to be grown-ups, but he was far from it. I don’t get that mentality.