Love At First Glance (Love at Firsts #1)(62)
“Friendship…” He sighs and walks inside the house, leaving the door open. I walk in after him and close the door. At least he’s letting me in. “Did you read the letter? All of it?”
“Yes. Spence, I don’t know what’s going through your mind, but can we just talk, I can’t do this cat and mouse chase over and over again. What’s with you saying that I’ve been leading you on?”
“What do you think? Why do you think I’m so f*cking pissed about you f*cking that *? Why do you think it is f*cking killing me that you did it after you told me you were in love with me?” he yells.
“I did NOT f*ck Valentine. I can't believe you would think I sound like one of those f*cking blonde bimbos. I literally just told you where I was all day. Want to see the times on my notes on my iPad? I don’t know who he was f*cking earlier and frankly, I don’t give a shit,” I yell back at him. “And when did I tell you I was in love with you?”
“This is a f*cking nightmare.” He rubs his face and starts pacing the living room.
“That is it.” I sigh and sit down.
“Ever since you saw him, you’ve changed. Not only towards me, but you’re more confident and speak your mind a lot more, clearly he’s good for you,” he says the last part sarcastically.
“You’re the one who changed when we met him. You’ve been a dick to me ever since that day. How do you think it’s making me feel? I’m losing the one person I never wanted to lose.” At this point, I break down.
“You were swooning over him and were smitten from the first time you saw him, and you blew me off to hang out with him the first chance you got.”
“I just followed your advice, you’re the one who f*cking told me to go out and get laid, ‘the first opportunity I get’ you said and then what? You decided that because I’m your friend I can’t be with anyone else?”
“I know what I said,” he says calmly pinning me to the couch with his gaze.
“Then why are you so f*cking mad at me if you know what you said.”
“You still don’t get it.” He sighs.
“Clearly not. I must be too stupid to decipher all yours, Valentine’s and Matt’s secret bullshit.”
“Don’t you dare.” He looks at me with so much rage that I can actually see the tendons in his neck popping out.
“What?” I stand up, facing him.
“Let me be clear with you since you don’t f*cking understand and don’t even remember me telling you. I’m in love with you. I have been for as long as I can remember. One day I woke up, saw you and knew I have loved you since my first glance of you. I saw you that day. At first glance, I knew you were my One. I’ve wanted you ever since, but you weren’t interested in me so I buried my feelings. It’s been over ten years and it has f*cking killed me each time you dated a guy. I knew things wouldn’t go far with Adam, you weren’t happy with him from day one and it showed, but f*ck I was mad whenever you weren’t with me. I spent countless nights wondering if you were thinking about me but I didn't want to smother you so I backed away and let you date him, always hoping he'd f*ck up and you'd realize he wasn't right for you. Th-”
“But you were supportive of Vincent.” I look at him confused.
“You think? I was f*cking raging. When you came here and told me that Adam cheated on you, I was so f*cking happy that you’d be staying at my place, but then you moved out. The day you told me you were moving out was the day I was going to finally tell you how I truly felt. I’d had enough of cowering away. It was killing me. I wanted to f*cking handcuff you to my bed and stop you from leaving me. I wanted to keep you with me, but I couldn’t force you and you were so excited to move. I had to wait for you to open your eyes and see how I felt about you, like everyone else could. And then you were all over Valentine the moment you saw him, I saw red and the rage I’ve been feeling ever since that day hasn’t cooled, it’s only gotten worse. I’m hurting because I love you but it’s unreciprocated. You never saw me as anything more than your best friend, the one who’s there for you during good and bad. I still want to be there for you during those times, but I want to be so much more. I can’t be just your friend anymore. I’m sorry. I can’t think straight when I’m around you, I want to be with you but we keep fighting. I can't stand arguing with you anymore. I wish we could go back to how we were before…” He sighs looking at me desperately.
“There’s no way we could go back to the way we were before, not after this,” I say sadly. Come on Haven, you have been waiting to hear that confession for ten years and the best you can do is that? Shock be damned, grow some lady balls!
“I figured.” He sighs and sits on the couch, hanging his head in his hands.
I sit next to him and rub his back. “What happened to your ribs?” I kiss his shoulder and rest my head on it. “Lover got too rough?”
He scoffs.” I haven’t been with anyone since you moved back in with me, Have.”
“What? What about that sl-”
“She was a client. I was being a dick that night, it was all planned. I texted her while you were still chatting to the dipshit and asked her to call me baby to get a reaction out of you, to see if you felt anything other than friendship.”