Leo (A Sign of Love Novel)(55)

I nod at him, closing my eyes against the tears that threaten again. "Let me go clean up and then we'll talk, okay?"

He nods, pulling the zipper closed on his jeans and leaning forward on his thighs.

I pull on my sweater and go into the bathroom to clean up. When I get back, I sit on the couch next to Leo. He's still sitting with his elbows on his thighs, his head down, but as I sit, he sits back. He doesn't look at me for a minute and then, "I guess the best place to start is my arrival in San Diego."





CHAPTER 27


"Okay, but first, why did you change your name?"

He sighs, "Lauren asked me if it would help me to get a new start if I started going by my middle name, and of course, my new last name. I said no at first, but after that first week, I agreed. I wanted to become someone else - truthfully, I wanted to escape myself. Of course, a name change can't do that, but it seemed like a start at the time. I registered for school as Jake Madsen and no one has called me Leo until now."

I nod. I can't pretend I don't understand this. At many times during my life, if someone had offered me the chance to become someone other than Evie Cruise, it would have been a very tempting offer.

"You have to know that when I left you here, I meant every word I said up on that roof that night. I meant it to my soul. I knew there would never be anyone else for me, and I was right. There never has been." He looks at me searchingly.

"You told me there were lots of women, Leo," I whisper, turning my head away from him to gaze out the window for a minute. I can't lie, it hurts now that I know who he really is.

"None of them meant anything to me. Not one. Not even close. I'm not proud of that, in fact, I'm ashamed of it. But it was never anyone except you. I was f*cked up, Evie. But I've never loved anyone except you. You have to believe that, even if you don't understand."

He sighs, dropping his head. When he looks back up, he says, "I arrived in San Diego on a Sunday night. On Monday morning, I started my letter to you. I wrote a little bit on Tuesday, and on Wednesday. I intended to write to you every day of the week until Friday and then put the letter in the mail on Saturday. I stopped writing on Thursday."

"Why? What happened on Thursday," I ask quietly, looking back at him but almost afraid to know.

He's silent for a minute and then, "On Thursday afternoon, I was down in the finished basement trying to learn how to play pool. We had this big pool table with red felt and … Anyway, I was just messing around. My new dad, Phil, was at work. My new mom, Lauren, as you know… he pauses, grimacing a little… she came down wearing this little nightie thing. I was uncomfortable but I had never really had any kind of normal home life. I thought maybe that was what moms did, walk around in their bed clothes. Or at least that's what I tried to tell myself."

My eyes are wide now because I'm pretty sure I know what's coming and I don't know if I want to hear him say the words.

"She poured herself a drink and then she poured me one too and I took it, even though all kinds of warning bells were going off now. I just didn't know what to do.

"We played pool for a little bit and I finished my first drink and she poured me another. She was making all these shots, bending over the pool table and it was weird, but the alcohol started numbing me and so it was easier to pretend it was normal." He lets out a humorless laugh and then looks down.

He sighs and he's still looking away from me but continues his story, "After a little while, she started rubbing up against me, touching me. I was a young, horny kid with two drinks in me and I was confused and struggling with what was happening with this woman who I thought had taken me into her home to mother me."

He sighs again, "Shit, this is hard."

I want to touch him in some way, but I instinctively know that that's not the right thing to do so I remain silent and still.

Finally, he continues. "Finally she just got completely naked and bent over the pool table and started begging me to take her. She seduced me, but I didn't resist very fervently. I f*cked my new mom over the pool table in the basement while my new dad was at work. How f*cking sick is that?"

Tears are rolling freely down my cheeks now and I choke back a little sob.

He continues staring ahead when he says, "We ate dinner that night as a family and my dad toasted to their 'new son!' I could barely keep the food down. I f*cking hated myself and all I could think about was how I had done it once again. I had let down someone who loved and trusted me. Again."

He pauses for several minutes. "They had tried for several years but never could have kids. Phil made it clear to me that he was thrilled to have a son now who could one day take over his company. We had talked a lot before that day, and he made me feel good about myself, like he thought I was smart."

I manage to ask, "I thought you told me your adoptive father worked in a hospital here."

"He did. The x-ray technology that's now used by Homeland Security, started out as medical equipment."

I nod. "Sorry, go on, Leo," I say quietly.

A look of pain crosses his face when he hears me say his name, but he continues.

"Anyway, that afternoon in the basement was all it took to make me realize that once again, people only wanted to use me. First, my birth parents to take care of my brother and to take their anger at the world out on, and now these two people. My new mom for obvious reasons, but then it was also easy to twist my new dad's interest in having a son just to use as a work horse, someone to train and mold into what he wanted me to be.