Leo (A Sign of Love Novel)(52)

Haltingly, I tell her about Leo's family, his brother, his pain, and the story I'd made up to try to ease his suffering, at least momentarily. I only cry once during the telling of it, remembering a roof on a hot summer night and a broken boy in my arms.

I look up at Nicole and her eyes are glistening with tears, too. "Wow, Evie," she chokes, "He carried that with him on his skin all these years. That's just… wow. That's beautiful."

"He lied to me, Nic, twice. In my life, that boy destroyed me… and now the man has been deceiving me." I have no idea how to feel right now. My mind is reeling with hurt and confusion.

"Are you going to give him a chance to explain things to you, honey? I'm not saying you'll be able to forgive him. I have no idea what he'll say, but I think you need to listen to him." She looks at me worriedly.

I mull over her words for a few minutes and then I sigh. "I guess I owe that to myself, too. I just can't process all of this right now. I need time."

"Okay, hon. You go to him when you're ready. Just hear him out. You deserve answers."

I nod, taking a sip of my tea.

Nicole speaks again, haltingly, softly, "Honey, you really didn't recognize him? Not even a little bit?"

I'm silent for several minutes, sipping my tea and deep in thought about her question. "I mean, Nicole, he looks so different. I guess now that I know, I can see the boy that he once was in some of his features, but, I mean… okay, who was the first boy you kissed?"

Nicole grins. "Jimmy Valente. We were 14. He was my boyfriend for a year."

"Okay, can you conjure up his face in your mind right now?"

She looks up, concentrating, then frowns, "No, I guess I can't."

"Okay, well imagine that Jimmy Valente was a scrappy, skinny kid in worn clothes the last time you saw him and then eight years later you came upon this huge, stunning, Godlike creature in a designer suit whose hair had darkened and who had gotten dental work and he told you his name was Tom Smith. You might not recognize him either."

I feel defensive because truthfully, why didn't I recognize him? He was the love of my life, up until I met Jake anyway, or… wait… God, this is all so f*cked up.

"Also, Nic, you have to realize that after Leo left and didn't contact me again, it was so painful for me that, in my mind, he was still that boy on the roof with me, almost… I don't know, frozen in time. It was easier for me to convince myself that he remained there in a real sense. To picture him walking around in the world, not caring about me, hurt too much. I guess I compartmentalized him. There was the real world, and then there was that boy… lost in the past. Jake showed up and he was part of the real world, completely separate from that boy on the roof." I rub my eyes, "God, am I even making sense?"

"Yeah, I think I understand. I have some things in my past, granted, nothing overly traumatic, but you know, just things I prefer to leave in my past for one reason or another and I put those things in a special category called 'things I've decided never to think about again'." She laughs a quiet laugh.

I smile. "Yeah, something like that."

We're both quiet again for a minute or two and then I say, "The thing is, I think a part of me did recognize him, something visceral, something more instinctual. I just didn't question it enough because truthfully, I didn't want to. Maybe I did know and chose not to admit it to myself. I've always been good at shutting things out that felt unpleasant to me." I say sadly.

"Everything was just so intense with Jake… Leo… whatever. Jeez, this is like one of those crazy soaps where people are suddenly coming back to life all over the place."

I rub my sore eyes. Nicole looks at me sadly, "It came in handy for you for a long time."

I nod. We are quiet for a minute and Nicole is furrowing her brow, "What was Leo's full name, Evie?"

I reach back into my mind for a minute. Obviously I know his first and last name but do I remember his middle name? And then my eyes widen and I whisper, "Leo Jacob McKenna." I drop my head to my hand. "Am I completely blind?"

"No, everything seems clear now that you know the truth, babe. You were… caught up. It's not difficult to understand. But he owes you an explanation. He needs to tell you what the f*ck happened eight years ago and why he's been lying to you about who he is now. Then you decide if you can accept what he has to say."

I feel the weight of the situation again and tears spring to my eyes. "I'm gonna lose him again, aren't I? Either that or I'm gonna have to let him go. I don't know if I can do it twice. I don't know if I'll survive it again."

"Okay, don't panic. Let's just take this one step at a time. Mike will be home at five. We'll have a nice dinner, just the three of us. We'll have wine. You'll stay here with us tonight. You'll feel better in the morning and then you can decide when you're ready to let lion boy have his say." She winks at me.

God, I’m so lucky to have her. Friends are the family you get to choose for yourself. It's never been clearer to me that I've made very good decisions in this category.

After dinner and catching Mike up on the twilight zone that is my life right now, we crack open a bottle of wine and I actually giggle a time or two at their attempts to make me laugh with stories of their adolescent love fails.