It's All Relative(52)
She leaned over the counter when she got to the kitchen; she wasn’t sure what she should be feeling right now, other than conflicted. And guilty.
“Jessie?” Her name on Kai’s lips warmed and horrified her. There was so much love and ache behind the syllables. But the feeling he inlaid in the word was wrong. They couldn’t be like that, they just couldn’t. Jessie twisted around to face him, and she felt tears in her eyes again. “Cousin?” he whispered, his expression sad as he looked her over.
Jessie’s tears built to a level she couldn’t sustain, and they began to freely slide down her cheeks. Kai immediately walked up to her and brushed them away. “When does it get easier, Kai?” she whispered as she searched his face.
Kai dropped his hand. He stayed close to her, but it was obvious he was being careful not to touch her. “I don’t know.” Shaking his head, he shrugged. “Someday?”
Jessie hung her head, her forehead just reaching his chest. Kai stepped in and enclosed his arms around her in a warm embrace. Knowing they shouldn’t, Jessie slung her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his body. They both exhaled at the same time, and it felt like a weight was being lifted from Jessie’s shoulders. Why did touching him have to bring her such peace?
Kai rubbed her back and placed a tender kiss on her head. She snuggled into his arms, burrowing her head in the space under his jaw. Feeling a warmth and safety that she knew wasn’t appropriate made another tear fall from her eye.
Listening to their quiet heartbeats and the girls giggling in the next room, Jessie whispered, “April is going to ask you out after dinner.” She pulled her head away from his embrace and looked up at him. Searching his face, Jessie pierced her heart. “I want you to say yes. I want you to go out with her.”
Kai’s eyes widened, and he shook his head. Jessie’s face was blank, emotionless. Her heart was so torn she couldn’t even fake a reassuring smile. It had to be this way. They quicker they moved on, the better. Kai opened and closed his mouth; by the confliction in his eyes, it was clear he was trying to find a different solution to their problems…but he wasn’t succeeding. It would be so nice, so easy, if they could just shut off the attraction they felt for each other. If she could stop the warmth and affection from growing larger with each and every moment she spent with him. But she couldn’t stop it, so maybe April stealing some of his time away from Jessie was exactly what they both needed to sever this connection they had, before it got any deeper.
Because, as nice as it was, the depth of feeling that she had for him was wrong. Wanting his arms to always be around her was wrong. Wanting him to lean down and place his lips against hers was wrong. Wanting him to tell her that he couldn’t see April because he was madly in love with her…was wrong.
Kai closed his mouth as he searched her eyes. His face changed as Jessie stared at him. Some decision had been reached while he’d silently debated with himself, and Jessie knew that either way, his answer was going to hurt.
Softly sighing, he slumped in her arms and whispered, “Okay…cousin.”
Kai watched Jessie as discreetly as he could during dinner. She smiled and talked with everyone as if nothing was wrong, but Kai could see the excess moisture in her eyes, the tightness in her jaw. She was torn; she was hurting. He could see the pain, but even if he couldn’t, he would have known without a doubt that it was there, because he was torn, he was hurting. Yet again, they were both feeling the exact same way, and there was nothing either one of them could do about it.
As Jessie gave him a sideways glance before locking her eyes onto her plate, Kai internally sighed and looked over at Jessie’s roommate, April. She was definitely beautiful, with long black hair, dark eyes, full lips, a lean body, and an attitude that exuded confidence. But…Kai didn’t want to date her. Honestly, he didn’t want to date anyone. He just had too much going on right now. Well, no…if he were going to be completely honest, there was one girl he would gladly date, if she was a possibility. But, she wasn’t.
Kai nodded as he listened to the story April was telling. The flirtatious woman was sitting next to him at the table, across from Harmony and Jessie, and her palm was resting on his knee. Knowing she had the intention of asking him out later, and knowing Jessie wanted him to say yes when she did, Kai was letting her leave her hand there. It felt odd to him, though. Foreign, unwanted.
Picking at his food, Kai tried to make polite conversation with the group. While he did, he wondered if maybe Jessie was right. Maybe, with whatever was building between the two of them, it would be better for both Kai and Jessie if he distracted himself with a little female company. And Jessie liked April, otherwise she wouldn’t have asked him to date her. Maybe if Kai was seeing someone Jessie approved of, it would ease the transition. Just admitting that stung. Easing the transition meant making one, and even though he knew it needed to happen, he wasn’t ready.
Kai watched Jessie stick a piece of roast into her mouth. Her tongue flashed down to her lip, to swipe away some stray sauce, and a forlorn sigh escaped him. He wished he could feel her lips again, just one more time. At hearing his wistful exhale, Jessie’s eyes lifted to meet Kai’s. Reluctantly, he shifted his gaze to his plate. He shouldn’t think about that. It wasn’t helping anything for him to allow his thoughts to keep going down that path.