In The Darkness (Project Artemis #1)(37)

He pulled his hand away and turned his back on her before walking back into the apartment. She followed him, not willing to give up on the future she believed they could have if only he admitted the truth.

“Nick, just say it. Say it and then never let it come between us again,” she pleaded, but he refused to face her now.

“Saying a word isn’t going to change what happened, Persephone.”

“Then say it.”

Suddenly, he spun around and she saw pure anguish in his expression. All the kindness had left his eyes, leaving only pain and hurt. “I can’t! I can’t even admit it to myself without feeling like I hate myself for what I did,” he yelled.

But she knew he had to face what actually happened if they were ever to be together, so she would say it.

“Then I will. You raped me. You did it to protect me, but the word is rape. And I forgive you because you didn’t think you had a choice. I don’t care what the rest of the world would think about that because I know why you did it. But if you can’t admit what it was, and it was rape, we have no chance of anything from this point on.”

As she spoke, he grimaced and every time she said that word, he reacted like someone had punched him in the face. Finally, when she finished, he started backing away from her.

“Stop…don’t do this.”

But she followed him, unable to stop because she believed with all her heart that if they didn’t get past this, they would have no future. She needed him to admit the truth to her there as she stood in front of him not in judgment but in acceptance.

“Nick, you can’t let this tear you up anymore. I forgive you, but if you can’t forgive yourself, then how can we ever be together? Don’t you care about me? Don’t you want to be with me?”

He stopped and shook his head. “You have no idea. I fell in love with you, Persephone. It made no sense, but I fell in love with you during those awful days. I would have done anything to protect you. I would have died for you! And what did I do instead?”

She listened and heard what she’d wanted to hear since they escaped that horrible place. That he loved her like she loved him. Now that he’d admitted that, he hesitated to take the final step that he had to in order for them to be together.

Pain covered his face, and he finally said in a strangled voice that told her just how tortured he’d been over what he did, “I held you down on that bed and raped you while those fucks cheered me on.”

Persephone wrapped her arms around him as she pressed her cheek to the spot over his heart. “And you protected me by doing that. Never forget that, Nick. You protected me from them. And then you got me out of that place. You saved me.”

He stood stiffly, refusing to embrace her in return as she spoke, but when she finished, he hugged her to him and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m so sorry, Persephone. I’m so sorry.”

She reveled in the feel of his arms around her, protecting her as he had from the minute he met her. What they were wasn’t normal or ordinary or what most women would want, but it’s what she wanted.

Tilting her head back, she looked up into his dark brown eyes and said what they both needed to hear. “I forgive you. I promise I will never hold that against you. I just need to know that you can forgive yourself.”

Nick nodded, and for the first time, he kissed her. Softly and tenderly, his lips pressed against hers, sending waves of sweetness rolling through her. She’d never been kissed so reverently before, like he wanted to worship her with his mouth.

His hands cradled her face, gently keeping her just where she needed to be so they didn’t break this first kiss she would remember for the rest of her life. Just as she wondered if all he wanted was an innocent kiss, he pulled her into his body and slid his tongue into her mouth, sending a rush of need to the very center of her being.

Now waves of desire replaced the sweetness from just a minute before as his tongue teased hers with a promise of what he could do with it on other parts of her body. She wanted to feel him on every inch of her, teasing her need into a fever pitch only he could satisfy.

Gently, he stuffed his hand into her hair and tugged her head back so his lips left hers. Desperate for the feel of his mouth kissing her, she made a noise that let him know how much she missed him already.

“Don’t stop,” she said, not ashamed in the least to beg for another taste of him.

“If you stay now, I’m going to want you in my bed tonight and every night after that, Persephone.”

Breathlessly, she whispered the only word that came to her mind when she thought of being his. “Yes.”

“There’s no turning back,” he said in a whisper against her lips.

Once again, she spoke the only word she could. “Yes.”

With that, the final barrier he’d kept between them faded into nothingness, and he kissed her long and deep like her lips held the only salvation this world offered someone like him. His hands closed into fists in her hair, tugging harder than before so tiny licks of pain danced across her scalp.

She didn’t cry out, wanting to feel every sensation he created in her, and moaned with each time he pulled her hair, silently praying to God he wouldn’t suddenly worry about hurting her because of what happened between them at that house weeks before.

He said her name roughly against her lips before lifting her into his arms and walking toward the bedroom, never tearing his gaze from hers as they moved. She searched his eyes for safety while at the same time craving every inch of his body to be on hers.