In The Darkness (Project Artemis #1)(34)

He watched as Persephone smiled and nodded before answering, “I have a lot I want to accomplish, but first on my list of things to do is finding a way to make sure no woman ever has to go through what I went through, Angie.”

The newscaster looked genuinely surprised by that answer and attempted to ask a follow up question to get more details, but Persephone refused to give any. All she’d say was she planned to devote her life to that one goal of ensuring no woman would ever have to experience what she had.

Nick didn’t know what she meant exactly, but he knew if anyone could achieve that, she could.

Holding the remote in his hand, his thumb hovered over the button to change the channel as he stared at Persephone Gilmore for a few seconds more before the screen faded to black and a commercial for some kind of home gym began. She had looked as incredible as he knew she would. Now all she had to do was find that wealthy man to marry and her life would be set.

That he hated the very idea of that happening made him wonder if he was as much a monster as any of those militia fucks. Or maybe he was just selfish.

Either way, he felt certain it made him the last person in the world Persephone should be with.

No matter how much he wished the opposite was true.


Nearly a week of no sleep made Nick feel like a bus had hit him and then backed over his head just for good measure. If he kept going like he was, he’d end up in some mental hospital clutching his knees and rocking back and forth as he recited the alphabet backwards.

He hadn’t had a sip of alcohol in years, but as this bout of insomnia inched into a second week, he wondered if the moratorium he’d forced on himself a year after leaving the bureau now seemed a little too strident for his current circumstances. Back then, he’d let himself become a drunken mess after Tanya’s death and walking away from the only life he’d known for so long. He lost himself in the bottom of a glass for months on end, draining not only bottle after bottle of whatever liquor he could find but his bank account as well.

Now he knew better, though. He didn’t need to drink to drown his misery. That misery would be there when he got sober again anyway, so if he went back to drinking now, it would only be so he could sleep.

Rationalizing all this as he dressed to head out to get a few bottles, he threw on a shirt and pants and slipped his feet into a pair of shoes before opening the front door to his apartment to see Persephone standing there with her hand raised ready to knock. How she found where he lived ran through his mind, although that question seemed pretty dumb since her father could have told her or she could have just hired someone to find out for her. It wasn’t like he lived off the grid.

He just preferred to remain unknown. It suited who he was.

“Nick, I was just going to knock on your door,” she said with a beautiful smile.

But all he could think of was how she shouldn’t be there. She should have been anywhere else but there with him.

“I’m just leaving,” he said brusquely. “I have to go.”

She put her hands out and pressed lightly against his chest as she looked up at him with those dark eyes that threatened to swallow him up. “Please don’t push me away. I need to speak to you.”

The feel of her touching him made his head swim with guilt and need, never a good combination of emotions. He felt his feet move backwards into the apartment, and Persephone followed him, closing the door behind her.

Swiveling her head left and right, she looked around his home and smiled again. “This is so very much you, Nick. Very few decorations and very functional.”

At that moment, nothing in him seemed to be functioning right. He couldn’t be there with her. Why she didn’t understand that he couldn’t fathom, but he didn’t know the words to explain it to her either.

“Persephone, you shouldn’t be here. You should be home. I didn’t see anyone in the hallway. Why aren’t you letting your father have security watch you?”

Her smile faded. “I’m not a child, Nick. I’m guessing you’re not that much older than I am.”

“It’s for your own safety. You should let him do that.”

Nick didn’t know why they were having this argument. He had no right to tell her what to do with her life. That he hated the idea of her being hurt again so much it made him want to kill someone meant nothing.

Taking a step toward him, she touched his hand gently before squeezing it. “I need to talk to you.”

“About what?” he asked, sure he didn’t want to hear the answer.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since what happened. I have some ideas about what I want to do now, but I’m not sure how to implement them,” she said, grimacing as she admitted that truth.

He didn’t know what she meant, but he saw it clearly bothered her that she hadn’t been able to start working on these ideas yet. Some part of him wanted to help, but he knew better. What happened between them would always get in the way of anything they did together.

No matter what it was or how much he wanted to be around her to help with anything she could need.

“I don’t know what I could do to help,” he lied, hating how dismissive the words sounded as they came out of his mouth.

Persephone let go of his hand and hung her head. “What have I done to you to deserve being treated like this, Nick? Will you just tell me so I can fix it?”