In Spite of the Bosset Life(12)
“Momma, I’m sorry,” said Kash, tearing up. I started crying because I didn’t know why he was crying. Kash never cried because Ace didn’t allow that. I eased out the bed and gave my only son a big hug. He broke down and cried more. I knew he had a rough life with his dad being gone all the time and Maya not caring for him.
“It’s okay. I’m okay. I want you to know I love you so much and I’ll never leave you guys. I love you too much.” Kash wiped his tears and straightened up. Koì gave Kash a hug and then me. “I need you guys help. We are a family and we have to keep going as a family. Majesty needs you both and me. I’m going to do better around here.” I was teaching myself as I went. It was all trial and error. I accepted the bad and good. I was speaking to them but was coaching myself as well. I was only twenty-two but I needed to boss up either way.
I had people here who love me tremendously. I needed to do better for my kids and I planned to. I know already it won’t be easy. I had to try. I damn sure wasn’t scared no more.
Chapter 6
It was two a.m. and I was mad stressed. I wished Ace was here to just get baby girl to eat. Majesty hadn’t eaten in three hours and my milk, for some reason, wasn’t coming out. Nola had fixed a bottle but I refused to give formula to my baby. Ace wanted me to breastfeed and that’s what I was going to do. Plus, I wanted to do anything to get my tummy back flat. I hated being fat. I had a little advantage because of my big ass breasts. I felt bad for little titty people because if you just had a little belly, it was very noticeable. I couldn’t wait to get in the gym and my time was approaching.
“What you wanna do?” asked Nola, growing restless. I was crying because I felt like I was starving my baby. My milk wouldn’t come out for nothing. Majesty had no problem latching on. It was me. She was chewing on her pacifier hard and just whining. I held my baby close and prayed.
“Call Aunt CoCo,” I said after praying. Momma Dukes was in the hospital with Big Momma because she wasn’t doing well. I had no choice or my baby wasn’t going to eat. Aunt CoCo came right over. I was grateful to see her.
“What’s the problem with my baby? Why she not eating?” asked Aunt CoCo, fumbling her keys around. Her daughter stood at the door. She went everywhere with her momma. I welcomed the little girl in and she just stood next to her momma. She was pretty and had thick long hair. She stared at my baby and I knew she wanted to hold her but right now wasn’t the best time.
“Let me see you breastfeed,” said Aunt CoCo, stepping back. She then went to the bathroom to wash her hands, getting back in time to see me fail getting any milk out for my baby. Her mini me followed suit and left to wash her hands. Nola laid in my bed, trying not to fall asleep on me. She was mumbling something but I was too focused on my princess. I wasn’t a bit uncomfortable that my breast was out. I guess stripping had something to do with that. I did try to cover up for the little girl’s sake. She seemed a little uncomfortable.
“Aunt CoCo, I can’t. I don’t have no milk,” I said crying.
“Calm down. You can’t be acting all hysterical. Now, watch this,” said Aunt Coco, just pulling my titty out my night gown. “Relax child. I got four kids.” Aunt CoCo started from the top of my breast and rubbed down. She did this about ten times, then milk squirted all over my bed.
“Now, look here. You stop crying. You gotta massage yo breasts, child. That milk be sitting up in there. You gotta push it down. I had no problem with this because my baby daddy played with my breast every night and sucked them too. That keep our milk flowing. I was done breastfeeding but I had milk still flowing months later. That’s how I know you got milk. This supposed to be Ace’s fun time. But he’s not here and you have to make sure your baby eats. You got these double d’s and they gon help feed this baby. I see you had your nipples pierced...that’s a plus for breastfeeding because they holes. Girl, you straight.” I watched my baby eat and I was so happy she was eating. Nola listened hard to Aunt CoCo because she was a pro at this.
“Thank you so much, Aunt CoCo.”
“Baby, you welcome. Anytime, anytime,” said Aunt CoCo, leaving. I allowed Majesty to always eat as much as she wanted. After she burped and was all finished, I laid her down for bed. Nola shut off the light and we all got some needed sleep. Nola always stayed all night when Sebastian was taking his trips across the world. Lately, she was talking how she became afraid to tell Sebastian she wanted him to get out the business but thought maybe trouble may start chasing after them. I knew my problems became her problems and had her thinking. I hoped she didn’t stress too much. She was good and pregnant and didn’t need no stress on her.
This weekend was going to be a busy one. The kids were walking the big stage Saturday. Sunday, Big Momma wanted to have an In Loving Memory ceremony for my husband. I didn’t like the idea at all. I was against it. I didn’t want to ever say Ace was dead. Nola encouraged it, saying I needed some closure and that it may be good. She said it wouldn’t be like a funeral. We would go to the landing strip and light some candles. I finally gave in.
The day my babies walked the stage, I was so happy. Majesty was there to see her aunt and big brother make a big accomplishment. Even though Ace wasn’t able to be there physically, I felt his presence. I had this picture of Ace with me, just to make it seem like he could see his kids walk the stage. I don’t think it eased the kids’ mind but it sure helped with my conscious.