If I Only Knew(4)

The timer is set on the bomb.

I can feel it counting down with each step I take.

Three.

Two.

One.

Please don’t detonate.

“Hi guys,” I say as I open the door.

“Mommy!” Parker yells as he runs towards me.

I catch him in my arms and kiss the top of his head. “Hi, my little Spiderman,” I try to put him down, but he clings to me. “Oh, you’re getting heavy.”

“I’m growing up.”

“You sure are.”

Parker’s blue eyes meet mine, and I thank God for giving me him. Peter and I were done after Ava. I wanted to go back to work, he had recently made partner, and our lives were good. I made my appointment to see the doctor to have a procedure to ensure no more babies, and low and behold, I was already pregnant.

After a lot of tears, anger, and accusations, we finally accepted it. It was the best gift we never wanted.

“I got an A on my test,” Parker beams, handing me the paper.

“Wow! Good job, dude.”

Parker’s pride is oozing off him. I love that he works as hard as he does.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Where’s Ava?” I ask, noticing her absence from the living room.

“She’s out back. She told me to stay here.”

I look to the ceiling, knowing no matter what I find, it won’t be good. “Finish your homework and I’ll be right back.”

He nods.

Making my way through the house, I hear her voice on the patio. When I get out there, the cigarette smoke punches me in the face. “My mom is such a bitch. She’s so stupid and I’ll sneak out tonight once she goes to sleep,” Ava laughs into the phone.

We’ll see who’s stupid. I grab the phone from her ear, putting it to mine. “Ava can’t meet you tonight because her stupid mother caught her, but don’t worry. In a month when she’s ungrounded…” I level her with a glare. “She’ll tell you all about the bitch her mother is then.”

“Mom!” she screams.

I grab the cigarette from her hand, dropping it to the ground. “Don’t talk, Ava. Don’t even say a goddamn word to me. Your phone is gone. You will go to school, dance, and home. That’s it.”

“I hate you!”

“Good, then I’m doing my job.”

“I wish you were shot instead of Daddy!”

And the bomb goes boom.





Chapter Two





Danielle





“She was fucking smoking!” I pace around as Nicole tries to calm me.

“So what? We did far worse than that, remember?”

I glare at her. “That was different!”

I’m not sure why I’m here. Nicole is the absolute worst person to try to get sympathy from for these kinds of things. She was that asshole friend who got me grounded more times than I can count. The bitch who convinced us that we needed to do whatever moronic idea she came up with because she needed accomplices in all her shenanigans. And me, Heather, and Kristin were the dipshits who followed the really bad leader.

It suddenly hits me. I gave birth to a Nicole.

I’m so fucked.

“How? You were the one who got caught smoking outside the church parking lot ten minutes before confession,” she reminds me.

“Because you made me!”

She bursts out laughing. “Yeah, but you didn’t have to smoke it.”

“I need new friends.”

Nicole shrugs and then gets up from her desk. “Listen, she’s been through a lot. Losing your dad blows when you’re her age.”

My head falls back and I groan. “I know, but she’s drinking, smoking, telling me she hates me, and God only knows if she’s having sex.” Dread fills me. I didn’t even think about that and now I imagine starring on 16 and Pregnant. Wouldn’t that be the icing on my life-is-shit-cake.

“Oh, she’s totally getting laid,” Nicole smirks.

“Fuck.” I drop my head in my hands.

“Stop,” she laughs. “I’m kidding . . . maybe. But look, either way, she’s a smart girl. I’ll have a talk with her if you want.”

I lift my head, eyes narrowed because Nicole isn’t going to talk her out of it, she’ll encourage the crap. “No.”

“I’m not going to make it worse,” she defends. “I’m all responsible and shit now. Just let me talk to my hellchild niece and fix her ass. I’ll scare her.”

It can’t get any worse, right? “What made you finally snap out of it?”

She sighs and leans against her large mahogany desk. “I don’t know. I think it was you, Kristin, and Heather. Or maybe your parents? It was like I didn’t want to disappoint them. Disappointing my mother, on the other hand, was the single joy I had in my life.”

I smile, remembering. There were times I thought she was nuts, but most of the time, it was hilarious to see Esther lose her mind. Nicole pushed every button that woman had, and it’s clear Ava is the same.

“Well, Ava is definitely on that same path. And I understand she’s angry that her father was murdered, I am too, but I don’t deserve to be her punching bag. I’m doing the best I can.”