If I Only Knew(3)

My friends keep saying how great I’m doing, and how they’re proud of the woman they see, but they’re not there at night when I break. When I long for the smell of his cologne on the pillow next to me. When I can’t stop the tears and bury my head in my pillow to muffle the sobs.

Tears start to prick as my thoughts get away from me.

“Danielle?” Callum calls my attention.

“Sorry,” I shake my head, shoving down the emotions. “I think you’ll be making a mistake if you pass this one over, Callum, I really do.”

“Is that your professional opinion?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“If you were sitting in my chair, you would pay the extra half-million dollars?”

If I had half a million dollars I wouldn’t ever want to part with it, but I know based on what Callum has paid for projects before, the high price tag won’t hurt him.

“Yes.”

“Okay, get the offer in.”

My eyes widen a little that he listened and I didn’t have to push him harder. I was ready to start breaking out all kinds of statistics, comparatives, and where we could save cash in other areas.

“I’ll get this wrapped up for you today,” I say with a smile.

“There’s something else we need to discuss,” Callum says and steeples his fingers.

Callum Huxley is an intimidating man, even with our existing friendship. He’s fair, but at the same time, he puts up with zero bullshit, which baffles me daily on how he’s married to Nicole. She’s chock full of crazy bullshit, but they balance each other in a way that makes me jealous. Peter and I never had that.

Sure, we loved each other, but if it wasn’t for becoming pregnant with Ava, we never would’ve gotten married at twenty-three. However, our life was on track finally. We were doing great, happier than we’d been in years.

And then he was stolen from me.

I pull myself back to professional mode. “Of course, what’s going on?”

He leans back in his chair. “Are you happy at Dovetail?”

“Yes, it’s been a great experience.” I smile.

This job gave me purpose, a reason to fight each day, get up, shower, eat, and live again. Of course, my kids kept me functioning, but when they went to school . . .

I would curl in a ball on the couch, eat ice cream, and cry watching some horribly made romance movie that ended with people riding off into the sunset.

That was until Kristin showed up, smacked me around a bit, and made me get my shit straight. I was offered a position here, and it was like someone reminded me how to exist again.

“As you know, my brother, Milo, has stayed in London,” Callum says with a heavy sigh. “I hoped he would get his head of out his arse, but . . . Milo refuses to grow up. I’m looking to fill the position of Senior Vice President of Acquisitions and Logistics.”

“Oh, great,” I say. “Do you want me to help you find someone?”

He laughs. “No, I want you to take that role.”

My jaw falls slack. “What?” He’s crazy. I’ve only been here a little over a year. I’m freaking part-time. “Callum, you can’t be serious.”

He smirks. “I very much am. You’re qualified, smart, driven, and you bring me quality projects each time.”

“I haven’t been here long enough,” I tell him.

“That is not important to me.”

He leans back in his chair, watching me. I don’t know what to say. “I’m part-time here. I have the kids and . . .”

“I will need you to be full-time, but I’m very aware of your situation, Danielle. I’m perfectly accepting of you needing to work from home at times, but when I’m away on travel or holiday, I will need you to step in. There’s a generous salary boost, as well as other luxuries.” He hands me an envelope. “All of the details are in there. Think about it.”

I take it in my hands as I get to my feet. “I’ll think about it,” I promise.

I head home for my next job as an epically failing mother before their bus is due, pushing the conversation with Callum to the back of my mind. My daughter is let out of school an hour before Parker, and she watches him until I get there. Of course, she loves to remind me how she should be getting paid for “doing my job”. I fucking love teenagers. Dealing with Ava is much like being a bomb disposal officer. You approach the device, hoping it won’t go off before you’re able to contain it. However, I’m not trained like they are, and usually we have an explosion just by me smiling at her—or breathing.

The drive from Dovetail isn’t long, but I take my time, wanting to savor the small slice of quiet before I’m bombarded again. Between Parker’s karate, Ava’s dance classes, and having no help, I’m already ready for bed.

When I pull into the drive of the house I spent the last thirteen years in, I sigh. Small things are starting to become noticeable. The lattice on the front of the porch is falling to the side a little. Peter would’ve fixed that already. The gutters need to be cleaned after being filled with twigs and leaves from the last storm we had. And the yard has more brown patches than ever before. I never remember to water the stupid lawn. That was Peter’s thing. No matter how busy he was at the firm, he loved to have the winning green grass on the street.