How to Save a Life(40)

“Shut the f*ck up!” I screamed. “Just shut your goddamn mouth, you miserable piece of shit!”

I squeezed my hands and Shane clawed feebly at them, his eyes bulging.

“You talk about her like that again and I’ll kill you,” I raged. “Do you hear me? I will f*cking kill you!”

Shane couldn’t speak, and I saw his fear-stricken eyes dart to something behind me. A split second later, heavy hands clamped down on my shoulders. Merle wrenched me from Shane and hurled me to the ground. My back scraped against the pavement and my head hit down hard. But the pain felt distant. Even the fire burning in my gut was muted.

No more! No more! No more!

The thought echoed in my head. No more fighting. End it tonight. The bullying, the unthinking hatred—I’d had enough.

No more.

But Jo was waiting. She was more important than this. I had to get to her. It wasn’t too late. I could salvage the night.

I started to get to my feet and Merle’s foot planted in my chest, shoving me back. I grabbed his leg and twisted it, rolling to my feet at same time. He was right there ready with a left hook to my cheek. Pain exploded all up the side of my face but I ducked his second blow and drove my fist into his gut. It felt like hitting a slab of meat. I followed it up with another. He grunted and staggered backwards, and the battle hit a short lull, like the quiet in the eye of the storm.

“No more,” I told Shane.

His eyes were wild as he pointed at me with a bony finger. “I hate you,” he said, his voice shaking and tears welling in his bulging eyes.

“Why? Why, you f*cking bastard?” I cried, the fake note and Jo’s ruined corsage lying at my feet. “Why don’t you just leave me alone?”

“That’s what I want to ask you every morning of my life,” Shane cried. “I wake up wanting to ask why the hell you’re here. Why don’t you just go? You don’t belong here and you never have!”

“I’m leaving. After graduation you’ll never see me again.”

“No.” Behind me, Garrett gave a little cry.

Shane turned his wild eyes to him. “You shut up! You always loved him more than us. Always.”

“Leave him alone.” I moved to stand between Garret and Shane. Merle stood near, rocking from side to side, itching for more fight.

“No, you leave. Leave all of us alone.” Shane was working himself up into a fury. “You don’t deserve the business. You don’t deserve any of what we’ve given you. That tuxedo and the flower and Ma looking at you like you’re not some freak when you are. You f*cking are.”

The red haze was back in my eyes. My stomach burned as if I’d swallowed acid. My phone chirped a text—probably Jo asking me where I was, worried I was standing her up. I sucked in breath after deep breath.

“I’m leaving,” I said again. “After graduation. You’ll never see me again.”

“Go now,” Shane screamed. “I don’t want to see your face ever again. Go now and take that scarred up slut with—”

Like a lit match on gasoline I blew. The years of pent-up anger and pain burst free and I fought for Jo. Fought for the love of this girl who’d seen past the lies and rumors surrounding me. The truth. Jo learned the truth about me and still she stayed.

I flew at Shane again, only this time Merle was ready for me. Like the linebacker he was, he tackled me to the ground. I went down hard and his hands went for my throat, choking me as he slammed the back of my head against the pavement.

Shane circled us like a caged beast, shrieking and inciting Merle to greater violence. Garrett threw himself at Merle’s back and began pummeling him with his little fists until Shane hooked the little boy about the throat with his recovered cane and yanked him off.

I saw Garrett fall to the ground, coughing and crying. Rage filled me again, a second dose of gasoline to the fire. Merle’s hands squeezed harder and I fought for my life. Starbursts in my vision. My lungs screaming for air. The crushing grip at my throat. I pummeled Merle’s face, punched and writhed in more and more frantic attempts to gain freedom. Over and over, my feet kicked the empty air…

Until the air wasn’t empty.

My foot struck something hard. Somewhere between the red haze and my choking gasps, I felt flesh give and bones crunch. And then a sound I would never forget. A little yelp, like a wounded dog. From somewhere behind Merle’s great bulk, I heard Garrett strike the ground.

Everything stopped. Silence. Merle’s hands on my throat loosened as he turned to look behind him. I hauled myself out from under him, to my hands and knees, sucking in great gulps of air.

Garrett lay on his back in the driveway. Blood streamed from his crushed nose to coat his mouth and chin and throat. His eyes were partially open and rolled back in his head, eyelids fluttering. His little body twitched as if a current of electricity were running through it. Horror like I had never known in my entire life doused the fiery rage, making me numb. Beyond numb. Icy cold with dread.

“Garrett…” I crawled toward him.

Shane turned to me. “You did this. You did this to him!” He looked behind me. “It’s Evan’s fault, Ma. Evan’s fault!”

Norma pushed past us and stopped cold at the sight of Garrett. The streetlights came on, now Garrett lay in a pool of yellow light, blood still flowing maroon on his face. So much blood. Too much.