How to Save a Life(45)

“I know, I know, it’s shit,” I said. “But if I take more, Lee will notice. You know how it is.”

Del tapped an acrylic against her lip where the cut was on mine. “Yeah, I know how it is, baby.” She pulled out a small ledger book from under the cash register and flipped to the back where she kept my savings separate from The Rio’s accounting.

“Today’s deposit brings you to $433. Not bad for three months.”

“But not nearly enough.” I ran both hands through my hair, my elbows on the bar. “God. Four hundred bucks. Pathetic.”

Del put her warm hand over my scrawny pale one. “You’re doing good by bringing this money here, honey. And I’ve had a good month, myself…”

“No, Del,” I said sharply, snatching my hand away.

“Yes, sugar,” Del returned. “I got a little extra and it’s going straight into the Josephine Clark escape fund. Every damn penny.”

“Dammit, Del, we’ve been through this. I can’t let you do that.”

“No one lets me do nothing, sugar-pie.” Her serious expression softened into a smile. “I do what I want, which is why this glorious establishment is still standing.”

I didn’t smile back. It wasn’t just a matter of pride, or the fact I knew Del was barely scraping by. Her disco balls and glittering costume jewelry sparkled from afar, but up close, it was all cheap plastic. She needed every dollar she had for herself. Her helping me felt like someone giving up their hard-earned money to bail a loser out of jail. I shouldn’t have been in the jail in the first place, never mind let someone else pay for that colossal mistake.

“Don’t do it, Del,” I said, my voice cutting through Gloria Gaynor’s girl power anthem. “I have to do this on my own. If I don’t, I can’t live with myself.”

“Pride goeth before a fall.” She planted her hands on her hips, smile vanishing again. “And how do I live with myself if that fool beats you to death? How will you be able to work and make money to walk out of here on your own two legs if that meth-head breaks your bones?”

“I’ll protect myself. I don’t want you to put one damn dollar into that fund, Del, I mean it. Don’t do that to me. Just… keep being my friend. Okay?”

She looked as if she wanted protest some more, then her lips rolled together to press back the words.

“Mmm,” she said, and I didn’t miss that she hadn’t agreed. “You do what you got to do. But you do it fast, you hear? Or else Del is going to be taking her fabulous ass to down to your neck of the woods to crack some skulls and you know how I’d hate to mess with my manicure.”

I mustered a smile even as the thought of Del being face-to-face with Lee made me sick to my stomach.

Del had offered to let me live with her when she had first learned about my predicament, but I’d said no. I’d tried to escape from Lee once before, early on. I’d had no money, no belongings of any kind. I had been in such state of fear and pain that I even left my car and hitchhiked west. I’d made it as far as the woman’s shelter in Calhoun when Lee found me.

Of course, I’d made it easy for him. I was standing right in front of the shelter, smoking a cigarette like a goddamn, naive idiot. I’ll never forget the icy sliver of fear down my spine when I saw Lee’s car pull up to the curb. He didn’t have to say a word. He only rolled down the window and beckoned me over. The look on his face and the deadly cold in his eyes spoke volumes.

See? they said. I warned you. I will never let you go.

On the drive back to his house, Lee wondered aloud if Del hadn’t put the idea in my head to run off on him. Maybe he and some buddies should drive out to The Rio and “Run that fag outta town with a gallon of gas and a match.”

The threat killed any notion I might have had for shacking up with Del. I had gotten myself into this quicksand and I had to pull myself out. Not drag others down with me.

Maybe Del was right and I was too full of pride. I was barely hanging on. Lee sapped the strength I needed to put one foot in front of the other every day. The shame of it weighed me down, kept me from reaching out.

Except at night, when I’m alone and Lee is sleeping. Then I reach for Evan.

I tossed down the shot of whisky Del set before me. As if mental telegrams to a high school boyfriend were ever going to get me anywhere.

Del’s velvety voice pulled me from my thoughts. “All I know is you got to have something to look forward to. All the time. It gives you hope. Gives you something to wake up for in the morning.” She leaned over the bar. “It just so happens I made the acquaintance of a guy who does fake IDs. One hundred percent legit. Does social security, drivers’ licenses… Hell, he can even get you a passport.” She fluttered her fake lashes at me. “Know anyone who might need a passport?”

Not to the Grand Canyon, I wanted to say. But even thinking of it was too painful. Like prodding old bruise that would never go away.

“No passport,” I said, turning over this new development. “But if he’s as legit as you say, he’s bound to be expensive.”

Del sighed. “That he is. But he can get you everything you need to disappear, sugar, so that no one will be able to find you. New identity, new name, new everything.”

A twinge of pain settled into my chest. Then Evan won’t be able to find me...