How to Save a Life(35)

Marnie and Adam were waiting for an answer. I shrugged it off. “We’re just hanging out. Whatever. It’s no big deal. I gotta get to class. See you guys later.”

I practically ran away. I told myself to chill, all the while a voice in my head helpfully pointed out, again and again: only ten days left.

Ten days. And because the old walls and thick armor had only been down for a little while, it was easy for me to resurrect and retreat behind them.

The entire time I was at the strip mall after school, my rational mind told me I was being stupid. But my subconscious-self warned I had to be careful or I was going to be smashed to pieces.

At the sporting goods store and I spent $85 of my saved up money on a waterproof watch with a timer function. I waited with mounting anxiety until nine o’clock rolled around, then I threw my purchase in my bag and rode to the pool.





The pool area looked empty and for a horrible moment I thought Evan wasn’t there. But no, he sat on a lounger totally dry. He scrambled to his feet when he saw me, a beautiful, open smile broke out over his face.

“Hi, Jo.”

I took the watch out of my bag and put it in his hands.

“What’s this?”

“What’s it look like?” I said, crossing my arms. “It’s a waterproof watch. So you can time yourself underwater.”

He turned the box over in his hand, and tried to hand it back to me. “Jo, I can’t take this. It’s too much.”

“Exactly,” I said. “And the seventy-five bucks you paid for the prom tickets is too much. Not to mention a tux and dinner or whatever.” I sniffed and flapped my hand at the box. “You need a watch. So take it. And we’re even.”

“Even?” Evan said quietly. “Jo, what are you doing?”

“I’m being a bitch. What do you think I’m doing? It’s the only thing I know how to do. I know we’re supposed to be honest with each other, but if you tell me you’re still leaving after graduation, then it’s a little too much honesty. So don’t say it, okay?” My voice started to crack and tears flooded my eyes. “Take the watch, but don’t say anything. Not a damn word.”

Evan set the watch down on a lounger, a tiny smile playing over his lips. “Can I say something now?”

“No,” I sniffed. “And don’t get cute with me. I’m scared shitless.”

He moved to put his hands on my elbows and he wasn’t smiling anymore. “Me too. Because I want to be with you all the time. Every f*cking minute. When we’re apart, all I do is think about you and the next time we’re going to be together. Do you do that too? You think about me when were apart, Jo?”

I nodded, unable to look at him. “Yes. I can’t stop and it’s so scary.”

He moved closer, and I could feel his body humming with tension.

“So let’s not. Let’s not be apart. Let’s keep going after graduation.”

Now I raised my teary eyes to look at him. “To the Grand Canyon?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

“Really? You mean it? You have to f*cking mean it, Evan, because I can’t take it if you don’t.”

“I can’t take it if you say no,” he said. “I’ll stay with you. Or go wherever you want.” He pulled me to him, his arms wrapping around me. “I don’t want to stop feeling like this.”

“Neither do I.”

His mouth found mine and we kissed. We laughed through the kiss and then I cried through it. Tears streaming down my cheeks until he kissed them away. We lay down on a lounger, him on his back and me curled up beside him. We kissed more, talked and made plans while the stars wheeled above us.

“You really want that with me?” I asked.

Evan grinned. “It’s the only way I’m going to keep that watch.”

I laughed and felt a tidal wave of joy drowning me as Evan raised both hands and brushed the long, dark locks from my scarred face. I held still, letting him see me.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, and kissed me long and hard and deep. I sighed into his mouth, leaned into his body, fell into him. I wasn’t beautiful, but it was nice to hear.

“I know you don’t believe me,” Evan said, his words echoing my thoughts with uncanny precision. “But you don’t have to believe it for it to be true.”

His fingertips moved soft and warm across the lightning crack that marred my cheek. “The Grand Canyon was carved by a river. It sliced through the rock, revealing layer upon layer of beauty. Beauty that couldn’t be seen until the earth was cut open. One little sliver of water…”

“Evan…”

“One little sliver.” He traced the ragged seam down to my chin. “The majesty of the Canyon is that depth. All that beauty lay buried for years until the river cut it open. Then all was revealed.”

I felt tears sting my eyes and pressed my cheek into his hand. “Don’t,” I whispered.

Evan snuggled me closer. He didn’t force it. Years of feeling ugly couldn’t be erased with a few poetic similes, but now we had time. We had all the time in the world, and I knew someday I would believe him.





Evan walked me to the front door of my house like the gentleman he was. I was less than ladylike. I wanted to drag him inside and spend the night celebrating our future.