How to Save a Life(32)

With Evan, I gave it all up. It was only about him and me.

We kissed and let our hands roam, the force of his desire pushing me backward through the water until I had nowhere left to go. I fall back in the shallow waters of the pool steps and he was over me. Grinding his hips against mine, kissing my neck, his stubble chafing the delicate skin beneath my ear. I pressed my hips up, feeling his erection through the loose material of his boxers. My hand reached down to stroke him. His hardness settled thick and long in my palm and I gave a moan.

Holy god…

“Jo,” he said, groaning. His hand gripped my hip and held me tight to him. “God, I don’t want to stop… But we should stop.”

“You don’t have to. I want this.”

He kissed me again, long and slow and deep, but the urgency in his body waned. He moved to sit beside me on the stairs, holding my hand and running his fingers along my palm as we caught our breath.

“Why?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s not you, Jo. You’re perfect. And I want you so bad I can hardly control myself.”

“You don’t have to control yourself.” I leaned in to drag my lips along his neck. “I want to, Evan. I do.”

“I do too. But I want it to be perfect. The first time should be perfect.” He looked at me intently. “My first time, anyway.”

“Oh,” I said, comprehension dawning. “You’ve never…?”

His smile didn’t quite touch his eyes. “One of the many perks of being the town mental case.”

“Oh,” I said again, turning to face forward. I didn’t know what to say or do. Seconds slipped by as I tried to comprehend the enormity of what he’d told me.

“Is it a turnoff?” he asked, and I didn’t miss the vulnerable edge in his voice. It snapped me out of my surprise.

“No, no. God, no. I’m sorry, I’m just a little bit overwhelmed.”

“Because I’m a virgin?”

“No,” I insisted. “It’s not that you are…but that you’d want to not be. With me.”

Evan laughed with palpable relief, and took my face in his hands. “You’re amazing, Jo. And beautiful and smart and sexy.” He bent to kiss me, his mouth so warm and sweet on mine. “I want to spend the night with you. All night with you. And make it perfect.”

“All right,” I said, trying not to sound overeager. “When is this night of unbridled physical perfection going to happen?”

Evan didn’t laugh, but kissed my jaw, my chin, my lips one last time, before resting his arms on either side of my thighs on the stairs, his legs floating out behind him.

“Well… I was thinking we could spend the night together after prom.”

I stared down at him, not sure I’d heard right. “Prom?”

“Yeah. You know, the big dance in the gym, with a crappy DJ—?”

“I know what prom is, thank you,” I said with a small laugh that faded quickly. “I just…hadn’t thought of it.”

The truth was I’d never been asked to a dance. I changed schools too often to secure a date. Or so I told myself as I spent the night of every Homecoming or Winter Formal alone, watching a bad horror movie.

Evan was looking up at me, his expression amused, but hopeful too.

He’s probably never been to a dance, either.

A mini-fantasy played out in my mind: walking into the gym with Evan on my arm. He’d be in a suit or tux. Devastatingly handsome. All the girls would be kicking themselves that they never paid him any serious attention. Only laughed or whispered behind his back. They’d see exactly what they were missing when a slow song came on. It was the scarred-up new girl who got to press her body against his. They’d gape with regret to see how he looked at me. As if the rest of the world could blow up around him and he’d never notice, because all he saw was me.

I blinked to dissolve the reverie, tried to laugh it off. But a silly little thrill had sucked all the snark right out of me.

“You’re serious?” I said. “I mean… I don’t know. Should we?”

Evan grinned. “We should. We totally should. It’s our senior year. Last chance.”

I bit my lip. “I’m not one for dressing up…Do you really want to?”

“Yes, Jo.” His smiled turned softer, his eyes warmer. “I want to.” He took one of my hands, pressed the back of it to his lips. “Josephine Clark, will you go to prom with me?”

I looked down at him, no bullshit, no hiding behind a joke or a laugh. “I’d love to go to prom with you.”

His smile was ridiculously adorable as he pulled me off the stairs and brought my hands up around this neck. “I knew you were going to say that.” His hands skimmed up and down my back. “Ask me how.’

“It came to you in a dream,” I said, laughing. “What am I thinking right now?”

Evan bent to kiss my shoulder, his teeth grazing my skin. “You’re thinking prom is a long four days away.”

“Mmmhmmm,” I murmured. I slipped my arms down, around his waist, pulled him closer.

“And that’s a long time to wait,” he breathed, kissing my throat, his tongue flickering to taste my skin.