Healing Gabe (The Last Hangman MC #3)(31)
I head upstairs, wanting to see my old room. I wonder if that is still the same or if someone has redecorated. I open the door and I’m 8 years old again. Purple room, my obsession with purple started way back, A huge collection of teddy bears, a princess dress along with a tiara and the tiny heeled slippers, pictures of me and my family on the walls, a huge collection of books, I was a bit of a nerd, an unfinished drawing and pencils scattered around the small desk. I look back at the dress and remember bugging my dad for days to get it for my birthday. Of course, he obliged. Since I’m a total tomboy, he thought it was for Annie, that she wanted two dresses and had managed to bribe me into getting one too so I could give it to her. Instead I had seen this dress in a toy store and fell in love with it immediately. I’m not gonna lie, I wish I could still fit in it!
I look at the pictures hanging on my walls and feel my heart warming and breaking: the happiness at seeing the pictures I thought I lost is indescribable but they are also a reminder of what I have lost. I don’t have any more family and it hurts. Nobody wants to realize they are on their own for good, that no matter what, there is no one that you can run to for help or comfort. I pick up a picture of my parents, Annie and myself taken just before they died, we had gone on a trip to Lake Charles for the summer. I lay on my old bed holding the picture over my heart and let the tears fall freely.
I miss them so much and I would give anything to have them back, even just for one day. I need my mom’s comfort, my father’s good advice and my sister’s positive attitude. They were my strength, even when my parents were gone, Annie was always the one staying positive, telling me that one day we’d make it out of my uncle’s hell hole. It hurts so much to know that my sister died too early all because of me and my stubbornness.
I’ve never told anyone but I’ve always felt, and still do feel responsible for her murder. Had I gone along with what Jared and Trent wanted, she’d still be alive. Gabe never would have had to step in and help that night and none of this mess would have happened. Maybe they still would’ve found each other. I don’t know what happened to Gabe after that night when he left with the Last Hangman, obviously he ended up joining them but I wonder how his life was. He obviously had a new family and people to confide in, but knowing Gabe, he’s not big on opening up and sharing his feelings. I hope he was able to get some comfort from his brothers.
I had wanted to help him get through losing my sister. We could have helped each other, but the look of pure hatred on his face made me want to leave forever and never come back. He was the one thing that could have held me back here.
I need to make my decision now, do I leave forever or carry on rebuilding my life, Gabe or no Gabe? My head is telling me to run away like I always do, but my heart is telling me to stay. A huge part of it wants to go after Gabe, to seek my own happiness and let myself live. Traitor. I’m tired of living in fear and I refuse to let it rule my life. I can’t do it anymore.
CHAPTER 12
Gabe
After this morning with Viv and the talk we had with Sanders, the day couldn’t go any slower. As usual, I work on fixing a car in the garage but unlike the other days, it’s been dragging and I can’t stop checking the time every half hour.
Viv doesn’t understand where I'm coming from. I can’t stand the drama that our past is bringing, or any drama in general. I have a short tempter so it’s not helping and I don’t want to ever have to worry about someone taking her from me the way Annie was taken from me. Other MC would use our women to have leverage over us, it’s happened already.
I know I f*cked up this morning. Yelling at Viv wasn’t a good idea, but she is at fault too, she was being irrational and emotional. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t want to cause her pain, she’s been through enough as it is but I want to be with her, I need her. I can’t lose her.
I wish she would understand my side, I know she has a valid point and if I were in her place I would be the same. I just have to make her listen to me and stop being so stubborn.
My biggest fear is those *s from the Kings coming back to take her away from me. Why did she have to come back here? She was safer when she was on the run. Maybe they’re forcing her to come back here to hurt the both of us? Who knows? Nothing they could do would surprise me more. She was the missing key the Bastards needed to ally themselves with the Kings. Hopefully, with the Bastards’ new Prez, things will be different, they’ve already agreed to a truce. They had a couple of f*ckers, the likes of Blades who were trying to stir shit up, but hopefully they are all gone and Viv won’t be needed anymore. The only one who would still have an interest in her would be Jared, who has now become the Kings Prez. He’s always had a dangerous soft spot for Viv.
They are the worst motherf*ckers out there in that they use women however they please, not giving a shit about the women. I dread to think what they would do to her. They are known for kidnapping women and keeping them captive for as long as they please. The few lucky ones who have escaped often end up killing themselves with the horrors they witnessed and endured.
That will not be Viv.
After a long day of work at the garage, I stop by a local Italian takeout and get Viv’s favorite food. We haven’t had the chance to really sit down and eat together, but for some reason I remember the smallest details about her like her favorite food. She means so much to me and she has no idea how much. She never will. I can’t bring myself to tell her and invest myself in a relationship that is one sided, I don’t want to get my heart broken. She is the only one who has the power to completely destroy me, no matter what happens or how badly injured I may be, only she could truly shatter me.