Healing Gabe (The Last Hangman MC #3)(30)

I need to get out of this place, wherever I look, there’s a reminder of my two passionate nights with Gabe. The deck of cards is still on the coffee table, I can’t sit at my table without getting hot and bothered and then there’s my bed, where he made me feel like I was the most important and sexiest person in the world. He could have just f*cked me and left straight away but he stayed both times cuddling me. Ugh, I’m pathetic!

I take a quick shower and get dressed in leather look leggings, a sleeveless top and flannel shirt, along with my trusted leather Converse. I lock up the house and get in my truck. I back out of the driveway and drive away from the place I call my home one last time. I drive without any direction in mind, just needing to be away and on my own for a while.

I turn on the radio and sing along to some of my favourite rock songs. I smile as my father’s favourite David Bowie song, ‘Rebel, Rebel’, starts playing. Even if I didn’t get many years with my parents, I cherish all the memories I have of them.

Yes my father was in a MC, but that doesn’t mean we weren’t brought up with all the love a kid could need and much more than that. Our parents treated us as if the world revolved around us, and our extended family at the compound treated us like we were princesses, it really was the best place to grow up. I miss those days. Spending time playing around a huge place where there would always be someone you knew who would tell you jokes and play with you or tell you stories; a place where you could run around and always be safe; a place that felt truly like home. I loved our home as well but we spent so much time at the compound that it felt more like our home than our actual one. We were there only to eat and sleep.

I smile thinking back on the days when I used to bring my homework to the compound needing help and there was always someone who could help. Weirdly enough the one subject I sucked at, no one was able to really help me with. I shudder thinking back to my math class. I HATED math. Whenever I had math homework, all the members would all sit down with me and pass around the paper trying to figure out the answer. Algebra was alright, I was good, I could do that, but probability and geometry? Hell no!

I’ll always remember when one of the members, I can’t remember who, wrote on my homework that I didn’t have to do it because it was bullshit and wouldn’t be useful for my future. Needless to say, I was yelled at by the teacher which resulted in me being in detention for a month. My father wasn’t too pleased about that and yelled at the teacher and principal, I wasn’t in detention anymore, oh no, I was suspended for a week.

Opening a bar. I smile at the thought, I have yet to fulfil that dream of mine. It was my father’s dream too and I still want to make it happen one day. I want an old school bar, no fancy shit that tastes like candy. Jukebox, darts, couple of pool tables, just a couple of tables, long ass bar with a nice choice of alcohol. That’s it. It’s time to open my bar! Should I look around here? Who knows, maybe that’ll make me happier and keep me busy, stopping me from thinking about Gabe 24/7.

I drive around town singing along to the radio for hours, the sun is slowly starting to set and I find myself in front of my childhood house. I can’t believe that, out of all the places I could drive to in New Orleans, my childhood house is where I end up. I think about turning around and driving back home, but I have this nagging feeling that’s telling me I need to go inside. It’s never been sold. I know a couple club members live here when they need a temporary place to stay in, so it’s been taken care of over the years. I park in the driveway and get out of the car.

I’ve always kept my key to this house, I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. It would have been too difficult to say goodbye to the last thing standing of my family’s. I hope they didn’t change the locks. I walk up the small path and look around. Not much has changed. The patio has been painted cream and someone has been taking care of my mom’s roses. She loved her rose bushes and would spend hours taking care of them. It’s strangely comforting to see them here still, I smile as I brush my fingertips over a fully bloomed rose. So beautiful, a deep blood red, the soft petals remind me of my mom’s softness. She was the most beautiful and kindest woman ever. I miss her so much. I sigh to myself and walk up the few steps that lead to the front door.

I haven’t been here in over twenty years, it feels so weird. I look at the patio again and remember when Annie and I used to spend so much time out here, playing. The swing set we used to play on is still there, half broken, but it’s still here. Maybe I could refurbish it? I take a deep breath and try my old key in the lock and after a few attempts it turned. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and I open the door slowly taking the first step inside my childhood house in twenty years; I haven’t been back here since I was forced live with Trent.

I look around, recognizing almost everything in the house. The wallpaper hasn’t changed, well in the hallway at least. The little table is still by the hall closet. It feels so bizarre, it’s like I’ve gone back in time. I'll walk through the door in front of me into the kitchen and my mom will be there baking cookies. I know it’s not going to happen, but how I wish that’s what I would find. It feels like time froze and these last twenty years have been one big f*cking nightmare. I close the front door behind me and turn on the light.

I go around the house and explore each room. Nothing really has changed, a couple of pieces of furniture are new, the kitchen has been modernized but other than that, it feels like I never left. It feels like home. The strength of the feeling startles me, this place never felt like home when I lived here but now, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. I smile as I look around, enjoying being here. I thought it would be difficult to see what I had been missing for so long, but it’s not, it’s soothing. I feel like my parents are still with me here, as crazy as that sounds.