Healing Gabe (The Last Hangman MC #3)(27)
CHAPTER 10
Gabe
I wake up with a smile on my face, it’s an odd feeling, I haven’t woken up smiling in such a long f*cking time.
I kiss the top of Viv’s head who’s still fast asleep on top of me, her head resting on my chest, her right hand lying over my heart. It feels so f*cking good to have her in my arms, finally.
We’ve both come a long way.
We should have been damaged beyond repair after that night, but we’ve made it, surely it can only get better from now on? I know I’ll have to constantly reassure her that it’s her that I want to be with, not an Annie replica.
Annie…
I still can’t believe that we slept together, I never intended for it to happen that night, but the more time I spent with her, the more I wanted her.
I know it’s sick, I loved her sister and now I’m f*cking her. I feel like a new man when I’m around Viv. She’s the light to my darkness. No matter how shitty my day has been, she always brings a smile to my face. She was the missing piece to my happiness and I finally have her with me. She doesn’t give a damn that I’m a biker, which is a huge change for me, when you’re biker women throw themselves at your feet wanting the danger and adrenalin. I never minded, hell I was pretty f*cking happy about it, easy f*cks on tap, what kind of men would turn that down?
The most f*cked up thing is that I knew Viv had feelings for me back then and if I’m being completely honest, it’s Viv that I’ve always wanted. Those eyes, those lips, those curves…
I’m aware that makes me a total dick, initially I dated Annie because I thought Viv didn’t feel anything for me and blamed me for Jared’s treatment of her, which only got more brutal and cruel after that night. It wasn’t long after I started seeing Annie that I found out Viv reciprocated my feelings but I was stuck. I couldn’t just end things with Annie and go to Viv telling her that it was her that I had loved all along. Annie had quickly fallen in love with me and I couldn’t stomach the thought of breaking her heart, Viv never would have wanted me after I broke her sister’s heart.
Selfishly I stayed with Annie. If I couldn’t have Viv, then I’d have Annie, she was the closest I could get to Viv. Maybe if I’d had the balls to end things with Annie and forgot about those two amazing women, Annie would still be alive. I never should have pursued Annie, it was a big f*cking mistake that I’m still paying for. But at the same time, I don’t regret any of it because I was still kinda with Viv.
I disgust myself, but I don’t plan on stopping whatever it is that Viv and I have. Call me a f*cking *, I don’t care, I have loved that woman for the past twelve years and I am not punishing myself any longer. I might not be showing it the right way at the moment but I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I need to explain everything to her, she won’t believe me though, even when I tell her that I want her not her sister, she doesn’t believe me. She’s my Viv, she’s always been mine. Even if I was with Annie, I’d always look out for her. I sigh to myself, all my happy thoughts leaving my mind, I guess this is what she’s doing to herself every time she overthinks things.
I wish I was better at expressing my feelings. My greatest wish is to have what my parents had, what Cabe and Josie, Ayd and Ant have. Hell even Aleck, the one man who swore off love, found his one and only.
I found mine years ago but stupidly went out with her sister instead of owning up to how I felt and confronting the right one. Viv had my heart the moment I punched Jared, without a word she managed to steal it and she’s never given it back. Hell she doesn’t even know she has it. I need to explain everything, to pour my heart out to her before her head overrules her heart. She already doubts me, I constantly catch her lost in her thoughts and I know it’s always about me and Annie. I need to do this soon before I f*ck things up, it’s bound to happen, I know what I’m like.
“Now look who’s over thinking things.” I jump as Viv’s sleepy voice brings me back to reality.
“Fuck! How long have you been awake?” She chuckles and stretches her small frame next to me, pressing herself closer to me in the process.
“Long enough to know that you’re the one over thinking things right now.” She smiles softly looking up at me.
“No, I’m not. Good morning, Doll.” I gently brush my lips over hers and squeeze her ass.
“Good morning and yes, you are.” She kisses me back softly before getting up and disappearing in the bathroom, fully naked. I have the amazing view of her ass and her tattoo. A fallen angel with burned wings. Beautiful.
A few minutes later she emerges from the bathroom, wrapped in a robe. I can’t stop the frown that appears on my face. “What? It’s chilly, I’m not going to walk around naked for your pleasure.”
“You should,” I say completely serious and get up, wrapping her up in my arms. “How did you sleep?”
“Not too bad actually.” She smiles. “You didn’t have any more nightmares last night.”
It takes me a minute to think and I realize that she’s right. I didn’t. “That’s the first time that’s happened; I dreamt of the most beautiful purple-ish eyes looking up at me with my dick between your lips.” I grin sheepishly and groan when she slaps my stomach.