Going Down Easy (Boys of the Big Easy #1)(75)

He gave her a nod and turned toward the kitchen. He took three steps, then turned back. “Uh, what do you want to have?”

“Anything. Honestly, whatever you’re making is fine.”

He nodded. Then frowned. “I guess I don’t really know. I didn’t have a plan.”

“Then just whatever,” she said.

“Okay.” He headed into the kitchen, and she worked to keep her seat. God, it was killing her to see him like that—clearly wrung out, not at all his usual happy, sure self. But she also respected what he was doing. He was being a dad. Happy and sure were simply not possible all the time.

A minute later, he reappeared in the doorway. “I get why you didn’t want to do this,” he said.

“Do what?”

“Double up on the kid thing. The family thing.”

She frowned. “Gabe, I—”

“No, I mean it. I . . . This is hard.” He glanced at Stella. “You have a good night, you’re on your game, and you fix things for one of them. And you think you’re all that. But then the other one has something happen. And you try to fix that. But it’s not as easy. And then, even if you do fix it, you have to think that it’s just a matter of time before something else happens for one of them. Everything—the worry and frustration and fear—it’s all double. And then what if you have more? What if you have three or four? I mean—” He shoved his hand through his hair. “Holy shit. How do you deal with that? Right? And then if you have a wife . . . or a husband, I mean . . . they’ve got stuff, too. Shit happens for them, too, at work and with their family and stuff, and you can’t fix it all. You can’t keep that stuff from happening.”

Addison waited for him to take a breath. She just watched him, her heart aching.

“Anyway . . . yeah.” He turned and went back into the kitchen.

Addison stared at the doorway. O-kay.

Should she go after him? Should she leave him alone? She might have a few things figured out with Stella and Cooper—and she did mean a few things—but she was still feeling her way through all the things she wanted to do and be for Gabe.

She’d just refocused on the television when Gabe came back into the room. She met his eyes and he just stood, staring at her.

“Are you okay?” she finally asked.

“I have no idea what to make for dinner,” he told her.

“Oh. Well, we could do pizza. Have it delivered. Or we could go out. Or even mac and cheese.”

He shook his head. He dragged his hand through his hair and then gripped the back of his neck. “I seriously cannot make one more decision, Ad. I can’t. I honestly don’t have the capacity.”

And that was her signal. She leaned Cooper away from her, kissed the top of his head, and got to her feet. She went to Gabe, took his hand, and tugged him to the couch. She pushed him down on the cushion next to Cooper.

Cooper smiled up at him and curled into his side. Gabe took a deep, shuddering breath and looped his arm around his son. “You got your cuddle quota filled?” he asked.

Addison shook her head. “You need the cuddles,” she told him. Then she looked at Stella. “Okay, girl, come on. You’re going to have to suck it up. Gabe needs a double dose.”

Stella looked over and sighed. But she put her markers down and came to the couch, crawling up next to Gabe and snuggling into him.

With a stunned expression, Gabe slowly put his arm around her. He lifted his eyes to Addison’s. “Wow.”

She laughed. “I know, right? Now you just sit there and watch cartoons. I’ve got dinner covered.”

“I think I’m in love with you,” he said.

She swallowed hard. “Well, I know that I’m in love with you.”

She started to turn, but Gabe said, “Ad.”

She turned back. “Yeah?”

“I mean it.” His gaze was completely focused and intense now. “I’m in love with you.”

She pressed her lips together. God, she’d never wanted anything more than she wanted what was on that couch right this minute. “Good,” she finally said.

“Thank you for being here for Cooper,” he said huskily.

She felt tears pricking the back of her eyes. “I’ll always be there for Cooper,” she said. “But that’s not what tonight is.”

“No?”

She looked at Cooper, feeling her heart expand. “I know he had an ordeal, but he’s going to be okay.” She focused on Gabe. “Because of you. Because you’re willing to do anything for him. To fight to protect him. To love him every day so he knows that he’s worthy of love and respect. You’re there for him when he’s hurting because you love him. And I’m here because you’re hurting, because I love you. You’re willing to sacrifice and sometimes be out of your comfort zone and try to think about things differently because you love him. Well, I’m willing to do those same things for you. Yes, it would be easier, in some ways, to not take all of this on. But I’ve realized that, in a lot of ways, it’s way harder not to take it on. Because I want to be there for you and make things better for you, and . . . I want to see the amazing moments with you, too.”

He was looking at her with an increased intensity and heat. “I can’t believe you planted children on either side of me so that I can’t get up, stomp over there, and kiss the he . . . helium out of you,” he said.