Going Down Easy (Boys of the Big Easy #1)(68)

“Gabe—”

“And she’s done so much,” he went on, interrupting her again. “She helped me out when I had no idea about teething and diaper rash. But Cooper is beyond those things. Now his problems are . . . bigger.” Gabe sighed heavily. “Now Cooper needs his dad, and I have to step up. I can’t keep expecting someone else to do it all.”

“Your mom loves helping,” Addison said quietly. But her tone had changed.

He narrowed his eyes. “Of course she does. But she should be his grandmother, not his mom. Or his dad.”

Addison didn’t say anything to that.

Gabe felt his gut twist. She agreed with him. She wasn’t saying it, but she agreed that it was time for him to be the dad and take on Cooper’s needs.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” he asked. He didn’t know why, but he needed to hear her agree with him. Not because he needed confirmation that he was right. He knew he was. But because he needed to know that she understood this.

Addison swallowed.

“Addison,” Gabe said, his voice low and firm, “you agree that I’ve been taking the easy way out and it’s time to step up, don’t you?”

She squeezed her arms tighter against her stomach. “You’re a wonderful father, Gabe. Cooper knows you love him and that you’ll keep him safe no matter what. That’s all he really needs.”

“That’s not an answer,” he told her. He took a step forward. “You’re Supermom. You’re there for everything. You refuse to let other people into Stella’s life completely, knowing that you are the best person to make decisions for her. You know that no one else can take care of her the way you do.”

“I didn’t have the support system that you do,” Addison said.

“You still wouldn’t have let someone else raise her the way my mom has been with Cooper. Because you are the best one to take care of her.”

She wet her lips but didn’t respond.

“And that’s the thing, Ad. I don’t know that. I don’t know that I’m what’s best for Cooper.” Gabe heard the gruffness in his voice from the emotions swirling through him. “But I want to,” he finally said. “I really want to be the best thing for Cooper and know it.”

Addison’s eyes were filled with love. He could see that. But there was also a sadness there. “So you want to start doing this on your own now?” she finally asked.

No. Fuck no. He didn’t want to do this on his own at all. Which was the reason why he should absolutely do it. Yes, he wanted his son to have a lot of people in his life he could depend on and who would love and support him. But, hell, Cooper hadn’t told his grandmother or his uncle about any of this, either. He’d told another five-year-old he liked and trusted but who couldn’t do a damned thing about it. He needed to know that there was one person he not only liked and trusted but who could make everything right.

And Gabe would do that.

He might not always make the perfect decision. He still didn’t know if he should be encouraging Cooper to try new things or just accept him as he was or how to find a balance between the two. But he could absolutely instill the fear of God into Miss Linda and the kids who thought they could push Cooper around.

“I need to do this on my own,” he finally told Addison. “For Cooper’s sake. And for mine. I need to know that I can do that.”

Addison pressed her lips together.

“How can I ask you to let me into Stella’s life when neither of us know that I can handle even the one I have?” Gabe asked.

Her eyes flickered with concern, but she still said nothing.

“You were right, Addison,” he said. “Parenting is hard. But it’s supposed to be. Honestly, I haven’t had to work hard at much in my life. I was handed a successful business that happens to be something I enjoy a lot and that I can do with my brother who can cover whenever I can’t be there. I was handed a baby who I love but who I immediately brought to my mother. I haven’t had a relationship that took work beyond doling out orgasms, which is also something I enjoy doing.”

As she flinched slightly, Gabe realized that talking about his past sexual escapades—and how much he enjoyed them—had been a miscalculation. But frankly, he wasn’t capable of sorting through what was right and wrong at the moment.

“So now it’s time for me to grow the fuck up and do some of the hard stuff. I need to show Cooper that he’s worth it.” A realization dawned, and Gabe felt a surge of yes. “I’ve tried to push Cooper outside of his comfort zone, thinking that he’s missing things or that it would help him grow. But here I am, very entrenched in my comfort zone and happy about it. That’s no example for Cooper.”

Finally, Addison did speak. It was only one word. But it almost sent him to his knees.

“Okay.”

That was it. Just “okay.” But that word meant a lot of things. Mostly that she agreed with him that he needed to grow up and step up. And that he should do this on his own. Which meant that she was saying goodbye.

He nodded once. “Okay.”

Addison came toward him, lifted on tiptoe, and kissed him on his cheek.

Then she turned and headed upstairs. Two minutes later, she and Cooper were at the front door. Gabe met them there. He opened the door, and looked over to where Stella stood on the bottom step, watching them go. He felt like his heart was shredding.