Gaining Miles (Miles Family #5)(17)

I was feeling things—big things—and it scared me. I’d told myself more times than I could count that Ben and I were just friends. That I wasn’t going to date again. That my life was fine the way it was. And the idea of things changing between us made me more than a little bit nervous. So I hesitated.

He closed his toolbox and picked it up. His eyes made a slow, deliberate trip down my body, then up again. “I’ll see you later, Shannon.”

“Bye, Benjamin.”

I went back inside and sat with my kids at the table. Eventually, the impromptu gathering tapered off. Two by two, they left, until it was once again just me, alone in my house.





It was late, but I couldn’t sleep. Instead of continuing to toss and turn, I went out to my front porch and lit the candles in the lanterns Ben had made. I sat in the wooden chair wrapped in a sweater, the book he’d brought in my lap. The candlelight flickered, casting shadows across the porch. I decided I’d read a while and hopefully get sleepy.

Before I’d gotten more than a few pages into the book, I got a text.

Ben: Any chance you’re awake?

Me: I am. Couldn’t sleep.

Ben: Me neither. Did you light the candles tonight?

Me: I did. They’re beautiful.

Ben: Glad you like them. What are you doing now?

Me: Sitting on the porch with the book you brought me. Sorry if you wanted to talk earlier. The kids all just wandered over.

Ben: Can’t say I blame them. You did have scones.

Me: True. Those are hard to resist.

Ben: Mm, so hard to resist.

I bit my lip and read his last text several times. Was he talking about the scones? Of course he was talking about the scones. I was a good cook. He obviously wasn’t saying I was hard to resist.

Was he?

Me: Are we still talking about scones?

Ben: Maybe. You have quite a few things that are hard to resist.

Me: I do?

Ben: Oh, Shannon. If you only knew.

My heart fluttered and that sense of giddiness stole through me again. Texting him like this, late at night, made me feel a little bit brave. Brave enough to…

Me: Tell me.

Ben: I’ve had to resist you for a long time. Resist your eyes. Your smile.

Ben: And those lips. I’d die a happy man if I could taste them even once.

Me: It’s been a long time since these lips have been kissed.

Ben: Too long. Far too long.

Ben: Shannon, I’d kiss you so you’d forget ever having been kissed before.

Me: It would feel good, wouldn’t it?

Ben: So good. I’d put my hands in your hair and kiss you breathless. Remind you what it feels like to be desired.

Me: It’s been such a long time since I felt that, too.

Ben: Shannon, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. If you have any doubts that you’re desirable, I’d love to be the man to fix that for you.

Me: It’s hard not to have doubts. This body is… well, it’s not the same. And I haven’t… in a long time.

Ben: There are so many things to love about your body. And if you let me, I’ll show you each and every one. But the most important thing is that it’s you.

Ben: I find you desirable, Shannon. All of you.

I closed my eyes, imagining Ben’s lips against mine. His hands on my body. I’d been trying to tell myself I had plenty of things to fulfill me. That I didn’t need anything—or anyone—else.

But what if I did want more?

Me: Benjamin?

Ben: Yes?

Me: You’re desirable, too. In fact, I think you might be the sexiest man I’ve ever seen.

Ben: I’m a little bit speechless.

Me: You are. So sexy. So handsome and strong. Can I tell you something else?

Ben: Oh my darling, please do.

Me: I imagine it sometimes… what it would feel like to kiss you.

Ben: Tell me.

Me: I imagine the way your beard would feel on my face. And what it would be like to have your arms around me. Your hands touching me.

Ben: Believe me, I’ve imagined the same things. And more.

Me: I’ve imagined more, too. Is this really happening? Are we…?

Ben: Yes. How does that make you feel?

I took a few breaths of the cool night air. My cheeks were warm, my body lighting up in ways I hadn’t experienced in a long time. How did this make me feel?

Me: Honestly? A little bit scared.

Ben: That’s okay. We don’t have to rush. But the next time I see you, I am going to kiss you.

I thought about telling him to come over and kiss me now. But I stopped before I typed the words. I did want Ben’s kiss—and so much more. But it was easy to imagine while I sat here alone in the dark. It was quite another thing to invite him here in the middle of the night.

I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. Not because I was innocent or naive. I had different reasons for hesitating—reasons that were no less real.

It felt like opening a book I’d thought I’d lost long ago. Still familiar, but I needed to keep turning the pages to reacquaint myself with the story before I was ready for the climax.

Me: If you do, maybe I’ll kiss you back.

Ben: Maybe? Not sure about those odds, but I’ll have to take my chances.

Me: You never know until you try.