Four Week Fiance 2(40)

“So, Mila, tell me what’s going on.” Nonno turned to me as we walked to the shoreline. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Oh, Nonno, I feel like an idiot.” I made a face, trying to sound lighthearted. I wanted to make a joke, but I felt like I was going to start crying. “I’m a fool. I could be a clown for a king or a court jester or something.”

“Why do you say that, Mila?” Nonno frowned at me.

“Because I’m a royal fool. The biggest fool on the planet.” I tried to smile at him, but he didn’t smile back. Instead I watched Nonno’s expression go from shrewd to sad and he stepped forward and grabbed my hands.

“You’re not a fool, mi cara. Don’t ever say that.”

“I am.” I sighed. I gulped and looked down.

“Then tell me, why are you a fool?”

“Because I really thought that there was a chance that TJ really loved me. I really thought that he could be the one for me.”

“You don’t think he loves you?” Nonno sighed. “And you love him?”

“I love him with all of my heart.” I closed my eyes as my heart froze. “You don’t even understand. It’s something I feel in my soul. It’s something that I can’t stop thinking about. Just saying his name makes my heart jump for joy.”

“I know the feeling. That’s how I feel about your Nonna.” He nodded. “That’s true love, Mila.”

“How can it be true love if he doesn’t love me?” I sobbed. I knew Nonno was probably confused about why I was crying and why we would be engaged if we weren’t in love, but I knew he was smart enough to know that obviously something was up. You didn’t go from a lifelong crush to an engagement and deep love in 2.5 seconds.

“Mila, I’m going to need for you to explain to me exactly what’s going on.” Nonno grabbed my hands and turned me to face him. “I don’t really understand what you’re saying.”

“I don’t even understand what I’m saying sometimes.” I took a deep breath. “And that’s not the only thing, Nonno. I have a secret. Something I did years ago that he doesn’t know about. And it’s haunting me. Sometimes I think, what if he does fall in love with me and then he finds out what I did? Then he’ll stop loving me.”

“Mila, tell me what’s in your heart.” Nonno caressed my cheek. “I need you to tell me exactly what you’re thinking. I need to know what’s in your heart. What’s in your soul. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to let you know what happened. I don’t want you to be ashamed of me. I feel so weak.” I sighed.

“I would never be ashamed of you, mi cara. You are my heart. You are my soul. Everything I do is for you. You’re my only granddaughter and you are everything to me. You know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. All I want in this world is for you to be happy and to never suffer. It pains me to see you suffer. It pains me deep in my heart. Your pain is my pain. I don’t want to see you cry. I don’t want to see anything in your eyes that makes me think you’re going through turmoil. You know that, right?”

“Oh Nonno, I know. I know how much you love me.” I gave him a half-smile. “You’re the reason I’m such a hopeless romantic.” I laughed. “If it wasn’t for all your and Nonna’s stories, I wouldn’t want to believe that true love existed. I wouldn’t be such an idealist.”

“So tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Sometimes I think he could love me,” I said, my voice echoing all the hope in my heart. “Sometimes he looks at me with a light in his eyes that makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world, but then...” My voice trailed off as I looked out at the ocean and watched the waves crashing into the rocks, close to the pier. I felt too sad and too tired to continue. Even talking about the situation had the ability to make me feel empty inside.

“But then what?” Nonno asked me softly, his hand on my shoulder as we stood there.

“But then, I think I’ve imagined it,” I said softly. “The moment disappears. The tenderness in his gaze, the lift in his lips, the knowing look in his eyes. It just fades. And then it’s as if I’m looking into the soul of a stranger.”

“You’re being too dramatic, Mila,” Nonno said and he sounded weary, as if he were attempting to take on the burden in my heart and put it on his shoulders.

“I’m not being dramatic.” I turned to him. “I’m being realistic. I’m being safe. Nonno, when I look at him, my heart skips a beat and my stomach jumps. I feel happy. I feel excited. I feel like my soulmate is once again in my world. It’s like every part of me knows that he is my other half. And every part of me wants him to know that I’m his other half too. Every part of me is craving for the moment he will suddenly realize who I am to him.”

“Maybe he does know,” Nonno said softly. “You can’t rush these things. Maybe he’s scared. You know he had a hard life with his dad after what happened to his mom.”

“I know his dad is cold. I know his mom died when he was young. He never talks about it. I mean, can that still be affecting him?”