Finding Isadora(96)

“He’s in my picture. And my picture was fuzzy and confused. But it’s getting clearer.”

“Well, my picture is getting fuzzier by the moment. I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jan.”

She uncrossed her eyes, shook her head, and gave me a teacher-to-pupil look of condescension. “Relationships. I’m talking about relationships.”

“Uh, okay. And what are you saying about them?”

“Nothing yet, because you keep interrupting.”

I shoved aside my empty plate, rested my elbows on the table, and kept quiet.

“Okay,” she said. “There’s me and Martin, and you and Gabriel.”

Momentarily distracted from my own issues, I said, “So there’s now a you and Martin? You’re a couple?”

She shook her head. “Not yet. But there’s ‘maybe’ potential, like with you and Gabriel.”

“We’re not—” I was going to say it was a different thing, that at most Gabriel’s and my potential was as sex partners, not as a real couple, but she held up a hand, stopping me.

“Izzie, I know I have terrible instincts when it comes to men, but this time I’m about … mm, ninety-five percent sure Martin is attracted to me. And I’m a hundred and fifty percent sure I’m attracted to him. But we haven’t done anything about it. Why?”

She stared at me with raised eyebrows, and I shook my head. “Why?”

“Part of it’s that ‘does this other person really like me?’ stuff, but part of it’s being afraid of what the world will think. For me, it’s mainly what my parents will think. And maybe my colleagues. He’s younger, he’s just starting university and I have two degrees.”

And Martin had a history I was dead sure he’d yet to tell Janice about. Would she feel as attracted when she found out?

She was going on. “And he’s Cree and I’m Chinese. That’d be the biggie for my parents.”

“My parents would probably approve of Gabriel,” I said wryly.

“But Richard wouldn’t. What I’m trying to say is, who is a relationship about?”

“I’m not following.”

“Is my relationship with Martin about my parents?”

“No, it’s about the two of you, but—”

Again she cut me off. “Forget the but. Stick with what you said. It’s about me and Martin. Your relationship with Gabriel is about the two of you. If it’s good for you, who has a right to object?”

“A right? I’m not saying anyone has a right. I’m saying it would hurt Richard, and I don’t want to do that. Nor does Gabriel. He and Richard are, just maybe, starting to finally build a relationship.” I crossed my fingers that their dinner had been a step in that direction.

Janice flicked her hair back. “If Martin and I get together, will that hurt you? It’ll mean I have less time to spend with you. That I’ll care about someone else.”

“You can care about as many people as you want to. As for time … well, I’d miss you, but I can hardly be hurt if you find a guy you’re serious about.”

She nodded. “That’s how I felt about you and Richard, and how I’d feel about you and Gabriel if you got together. And of course, because you’re my best friend and I love you like a sister, I want you to be happy and I’d kill him if he hurts you.”

The idea of petite Janice tangling with Gabriel made me smile. They both had serious attitude, and I wouldn’t take any bets on who’d come out the winner.

I thought about what she’d said, trying to figure out her point. “Are you saying Richard and I should be the kind of friends you and I are?”

“I’m not saying should. But let me ask you, how will you feel when he starts dating again?”

I considered the question seriously, remembering the twinge I’d felt when he used the word “family” in relation to himself, Eric, and Caroline—Care—Winston. “A little jealous,” I admitted. “But that’s silly. He and I aren’t dating, so I shouldn’t feel jealous. Mostly, I’d be happy for him, and hope it worked out.”

“How’d you feel if he was dating your mom?”

“Grace? Give me a break!” Imagining Richard and my mother made me laugh.

Janice joined in. “Okay, that was a freaky example. But why do things change if the new partner is a relative of the ex?”

I knew that answer. “It feels like a betrayal.”

She nodded slowly. “Is it?”

I reflected. “No. How I feel about Gabriel has nothing to do with how I feel about Richard. If they weren’t related, it’d be just the same. Well, much better, because I wouldn’t have this conflict.”

“So you want to ditch this hot thing with Gabriel simply because he’s related to someone you used to date?”

“He’s the father of the man I was engaged to up until two days ago.”

“Okay, it’s a more extreme example, but isn’t the principle the same?”

“I don’t know. You’re talking logic, but emotion comes into this, too.” I dropped my head into my hands. “Oh, Jan, I’m so confused. I’d like it if you could persuade me…”