Finding Isadora(100)

Standing side by side, we watched Pogo streak down to the edge of the water, yap at the surf, dart away again to explore an interesting pile of kelp. An alarmed gull took flight and my dog scrambled after it.

“He loves chasing gulls,” I said. Pogo, the eternal optimist, pursuing impossible dreams and never losing hope.

“Have you done anything with Valente’s ashes?” Gabriel asked.

Startled, I gazed up at him. “No, not yet.” I remembered that, just before I put Valente to sleep, I’d told her to dream of chasing gulls on the beach.

“We should scatter them here. She can chase seagulls along with Pogo.”

My eyes filled. And, that suddenly, I realized something. I loved Gabriel DeLuca. “Shit.”

“What? Sorry, was that a bad idea?”

Really bad. I couldn’t let myself love him. Except, it was already too late.

“No,” I said quickly. “Uh, the ashes. Yes, that’s a wonderful idea. I was thinking of something else.”

“Okay,” he said warily.

He looked so puzzled, my beautiful Gabriel. I remembered him saying he couldn’t read me like he could other women. Thank goddess.

And then I remembered other things he’d said. That he couldn’t forget me, couldn’t think straight, that I made him lose control. Could Gabriel be falling in love with me, too?

I had fallen in love with a man who was totally wrong for me. And yet, he was the finest man in the world. If he could love me, too…

I gazed up at Gabriel, and the confusion in his eyes made me smile. Suddenly, everything about him made me smile. Could I imagine spending the rest of my life with this man? As Jimmy Lee would say, Hell, yes! What was unimaginable was being without him.

It was a light-bulb moment and it changed everything.

When I’d thought of my feelings as lust, I’d agonized over whether to give in to them. But love was different. Love was worth sacrifice and compromise. This was why I’d had so much troubling figuring out what to do about Gabriel. I’d been falling in love with him. Had he been doing the same?

Follow your hearts, Janice had said.

Yes, she was right. Now, if I could only persuade Gabriel to believe he had one, and to trust in it. In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy had helped the Tin Man do that very thing. And look at Gabriel—he’d acknowledged to himself and his son that he cared. He was realizing that relationships were as important as causes.

He shifted and looked wary again. “What’s up, Isadora? You’re looking at me strangely.”

With love and calculation? Yes, my expression must be a little disturbing.

I reminded myself of what I’d said moments earlier. Men could be pretty thick when it came to dealing with emotions, and Gabriel was thicker than most. If I leaped into his arms and confessed my undying love, he’d turn tail and run faster than Pogo.

“We haven’t said a proper hello,” I said softly, in what I hoped was a seductive tone.

“Uh…”

I loved this. Loved throwing this man off balance.

“A hug is customary,” I said, “and maybe even a ki—”

His lips silenced me as he pulled me into his arms for a quick, savage kiss. “Can’t say I’m not obedient,” he murmured into my ear.

Obedient. Sure, he’d obey, but only when the command coincided with his own wishes. Definitely a cat personality. But I’d known that from the moment I saw him at the fundraiser and branded him a panther.

His lips nibbled my earlobe and his tongue caressed the sensitive flesh inside. Sensation shot straight through my body, down to my now-liquid center. I snuggled my body closer to his, arms tight around his waist, hips cradling his erection. What would it be like to feel him inside me?

I gripped his firm butt, pulling him closer, and he groaned softly. His lips left my ear and traveled down the line of my jaw. I tilted my head so my mouth met his, but instead of kissing him I suckled his bottom lip, every now and then pressing my teeth gently into his flesh.

Then I couldn’t resist any longer. I reached down between our bodies and gripped him. I could feel his heat through the fabric, burning into my hand. He thrust against me once, then grabbed my shoulders and jerked me away.

“Isadora?” His voice was ragged. “What’s going on? Last night you stopped me and tonight you ask for a kiss and then… Damn it, woman, you know I want you, but what about Richard?”

I checked the beach, saw that Pogo was playing happily. “Let’s sit down.” I walked over to one of the logs closest to the ocean. When I sat, Gabriel did too, leaving space between us. I moved closer so our thighs touched, and he didn’t move away. His hand rested on his thigh and I intertwined my fingers in his.

He turned toward me. “This is your show. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

I moved our hands higher, so the back of mine rested against his erection. His hand twitched, but he didn’t pull mine away.

“We both care about Richard,” I said.

“Didn’t we have this conversation last night?”

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Gabriel, we’re not responsible for what he thinks and feels,” I said tentatively. “One person doesn’t make another person feel a certain way. Different people react to the same event with quite different feelings.”