Finding Carly (SEAL Team Hawaii #5)(48)

They were currently lying on his couch, and Carly was curled into him. The TV was on, but Jag had no idea what was playing. His attention was fixed on the woman in his arms.

“Are you close with your dad?” Carly asked.

She’d also done exactly what she said she would, doing her best to get to know everything about him. Every night, they played twenty questions as they learned as much as they could about each other. Jag had been uncomfortable with it at first, but had actually found himself enjoying their nightly talks

He shrugged in response to her question. “Not really. I mean, I call him on his birthday and Christmas every year, but otherwise, we don’t really talk.”

Carly had a hand on his chest, and every now and then she would trace circles with her fingers. He loved her casual touches, craved them.

“Hmmm.”

“No comment on how that’s sad? Or that I should make more of an effort to talk to him?” Jag asked. He didn’t mean the question to come out as harsh as it sounded, but he’d had plenty of people in the past try to make him feel guilty for not being closer to his only parent.

Carly lifted her head and propped her chin on his arm as she looked at him. “No. I’m not all that close with my parents either, so I’d be the last one to judge. Besides, familial relationships can be tricky. Fraught with triggers for people. If you don’t get along with your dad, I’m sure you have a good reason.”

Jag pressed his lips together for a moment. “We’re just very different people.”

“I get that. My mom wanted me to be exactly like she was as a kid. Wanted me to be in a gazillion sports, have tons of friends, and be part of the popular cliques. She never said it, but I know she was disappointed when I turned up my nose at most of that. I mean, I’ve always been outgoing, and I was on my high school swim team, but the people I hung out with were on the fringes of what was deemed ‘cool’ in high school. Band geeks, the drama kids. I even dated a guy who was president of the robotics club.” Carly chuckled, and Jag couldn’t help but smile too.

“And your dad?”

“He was gone a lot. He worked long hours and he spent most of his free time with his poker buddies,” Carly said with a shrug. “I have to admit that really bothered me about Shawn…the amount of time he spent with his friends. He’d sometimes invite them over even when I was there. Many times I ended up leaving and going back to my apartment, and he’d call me later and ask when I’d left. It was pretty telling that he didn’t even notice me leaving.”

Jag brought a hand up and smoothed it over her head. She rested her cheek on his shoulder and began to play with the buttons on his shirt.

“My mom left when I was young,” Jag said. “I don’t even remember her, and Dad never talked about her. I remember asking why I didn’t have a mother once, and he got really upset, so I never asked about her again. But my dad was a guy’s guy…you know the type. Really into cars and football, always telling me boys shouldn’t cry. Had a new girlfriend every other month, and he drank a lot of beer. He was always telling me to man-up, to stop being a pussy, things like that.

“I tried my best to be just like him, but I always seemed to fall short. I didn’t love the things he did, and it took a toll on me, constantly trying to impress him. It was exhausting.”

“I know how that feels,” Carly said softly.

“Yeah. I was on the football team in high school, and my ol’ man was so proud. But I wasn’t really very good. I wasn’t big enough to be a good linebacker. I was a fast runner, so the coach tried to turn me into a wide receiver, but I couldn’t catch the ball worth shit, so that didn’t last long. Interestingly enough, though I couldn’t catch, I could throw. So eventually I settled into the quarterback position.”

“Really?” Carly asked, sitting up so she could see Jag’s face more clearly. “You were the freaking quarterback? Jeez, Jag, that’s like being high school royalty.”

His lips twitched and he shook his head. “It would be if I actually got any field time. I was the backup to the backup quarterback. I spent most of my time standing on the sidelines during games. I think I played about ten minutes in my entire four years.”

“Oh,” Carly said, lying back down. “I’m sure you were great during those ten minutes,” she told him.

Jag loved how supportive she was, but he didn’t want to mislead her. “I had two interceptions, ten missed passes, and a grand total of thirty-seven yards gained.”

“Well, that’s thirty-seven more yards than I had,” she said with a goofy grin.

He shook his head. “My point is, I was always a disappointment to my dad. I didn’t go to my junior or senior prom and wasn’t that interested in girls.” Jag’s heart rate sped up. He was getting dangerously close to thinking about a time in his life that he really just wanted to forget.

“He has to be proud of the fact that you’re a SEAL,” Carly said after a moment.

Jag relaxed a fraction, now that they were veering away from his childhood. He shrugged. “I guess.”

“You guess?” Carly asked in disbelief. “Jag, you’re the best of the best in the Navy. You’re doing amazing things for our country. You put your life on the line constantly, even though no one knows exactly what you do. And if your dad wanted a son who was a ‘man’s man,’ you are the epitome of that.”