Falling Down(36)

I just nod. I can't think of anything to say.
"Little Lucy who couldn't even speak was standing there singing her heart out six years later."
I turn to look at him a little confused as to what he's trying to say and he glances in my direction.
"You're going to make it. It's going to happen fast, too. You need to prepare for that."
I nod. "I'm not sure how, but we'll try. I mean I know the fans and stuff are going to be much different than they are at movie premieres and things like that. I've been to concerts but I've never been backstage or a VIP or anything so I'm not sure how that all goes."
"It's completely different from what you're used to, Luce. There are so many fans, and they all want a piece of you. They'll reach up on stage to try to touch you and there are days you just don't want to be touched. You just want them to enjoy the music--not you--you know?"
I nod. "Well, from what I've heard you have no issues with the fangirl groupie whores."
He raises a brow. "From what you've heard?"
"Oh yeah. It's common knowledge that you're a manwhore. Jesse Kingston, the man with a new girl every couple hours." I nod. "Yep, it's not news."
He grins. "Really. That's what's being said?"
I nod and twist my fingers in my lap. I hated reading about that, hearing about it from people we've worked with. Manwhore Kingston. I cringe inwardly. It shouldn’t have bothered me. He was just my crush and he was nothing to me, but it did. It bothered me on a personal level which was utterly ridiculous. I knew it and I tried to not let it get to me, I tried to avoid the gossip, and I was successful until our next video shoot. I turn and look out the window as Jesse pulls onto the exit ramp in silence.
He pulls into the parking lot of the hotel instead of in front and I know he's going to talk. I don't want to hear it. I really don't. It's not my business. It's not like I was chaste, though I didn't f*ck everything with a penis either. I sigh and turn to look at him.
"What Jesse?"
He raises a brow. "Well that put a damper on your mood, didn't it?"
I shrug.
"Look Lucy, I can't change my past, what I've done or who I am. Yeah, what they said was true for the first few years we were out on the road, but that gets old after a while."
"So it's just one girl a show then," I say with intended snark.
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "You're going to find out and it may not be the same for you, but after a show, the adrenaline rush..." He shakes his head. "You feel on top of the world. I mean, you just got to do what you love and rock it out in front of fifty-plus-thousand fans and they f*cking loved it. It's like no other feeling I've ever experienced."
I just nod and look out the windshield at nothing in particular. A palm tree. Some desert plants that have quite impressive survivability in the rainless and super dry state of California.
"You don't want to lose that feeling. Then there are the women throwing themselves at you--"
I hold up a hand and look at him. "Stop. I don't want to hear this. You owe me nothing, Jesse. I'm not sure why you're trying to explain yourself or your actions to me. I'm nobody to you, not really. It doesn't matter."
"That's not true--"
"It's true. Thank you for driving me home, Jesse."
He nods, his jaw clenched. "What are you going to do for the rest of the night?"
"First, I'm going to take a nice long shower and rinse off the gross dried leather boobage sweat." I curl a lip. "Then I'll probably put a movie in and turn into a Tijanette for the night."