Falling Down(103)

"I think it's time for us to move inside and give these two some privacy," Ben says. "Come on, Regina and Anthony, I'll give you the nickel tour."
Jesse and I sit there staring at each other as everyone clears off the patio.
Cage pauses. "That's going on the album. Your title track."
I nod and he heads inside, closing the door behind him.
"You can answer me now that they're gone," Jesse bites out.
I stand up and begin pacing. "What do you want from me? That--" I wave my hand, "touring, being wild, women, promiscuity--is your life. I walked into this with my eyes wide open, Jesse. I don't expect you to change your life for me."
"Why the f*ck not?"
"What?" I look at him.
"Why don't you expect that?"
"Because you're you. You're a god damn rock star. It's what you do."
He nods then runs his hand through his hair.
"Who f*cked you over, Lucy?"
"Huh?" How the hell did he get that out of…
"Who was it that f*cked you over?"
"I don't--"
"You do. Who was it that made you feel as if you didn't deserve to be treated with respect? Who was it that made you feel so inferior you don't have the right to ask for things you deserve?"
My heart is pounding so fast, my breath catches. I can't talk about this with him.
I shake my head.
He walks up to me, gently grabs my arms and gives me a soft shake. "Who did this to you?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Oh, there's where you're wrong, Lucy. It matters. It matters a whole f*ck of a lot because whoever the prick is that did this, he broke you."
I gasp and tears fill my eyes. "Don't do this," I whisper, my body shaking.
"Why not? It's the truth, isn't it? When we were in Chicago you had this look where it almost seemed as if you claimed me the minute you felt that zing. Six years ago you were ready to make demands and we were strangers. Now we're in a relationship, we're fu--intimate, I've licked every inch of your body, and you won't ask that of me? Don't you think, being in a relationship with me, you'd have a right to ask that of me before we tour? I sure as f*ck expect it from you."
The first tear falls. He wipes it with the pad of his thumb.
"What happened, Lucy? Who hurt you so badly you're shaking right now just at the mention of it?"
At his quiet, tender tone, I break. The dam bursts and he pulls me into his arms, holding me close. He sits back down and pulls me onto his lap, holding me as I sniffle.
"His--" my voice cracks and I clear my throat. "His name was Ian. We met on the set of Fair Play."
"Go on," he encourages gently.
"He was so nice when we first met: sweet, kind, attentive. We began dating. We'd go to dinner, movies, or the theater when we got a few days off from filming. After a little more than three months we went away for a weekend together, we went to the Keyes, and, uh, we slept together."
Jesse nods, his lips pressed firmly together. "You were a virgin?"
I nod. "Yeah," I whisper.
"Did he hurt you?"
"No… not then." Jesse stiffens.
"When?"
"That weekend was really great. We spent a lot of time on the beach, doing touristy things. We were out of the hotel room more than in and I was glad he hadn't brought me there solely for sex, you know?"
He nods.
"Anyway, he continued being great for a couple weeks and then when his part in the film was over--mine wasn't, I was the female lead. He became resentful of my time away from him and in front of the camera. He made me feel guilty for going to work every morning," I say with a soft laugh. "Isn't that ridiculous?"