Existence(15)

Miranda choked on a sob. “I’m sorry. I said I wasn’t going to cry. I really had myself all worked up to be bright and cheery but I keep remembering your car and hearing the words ‘she was rushed to the hospital unconscious’ over and over again in my head.” She wiped her wet face and smiled 45



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through her tears. “I’m just so glad you’re okay. Yesterday was the worst day of my life.” She took our joined hands up to her mouth and kissed them.

“I know,” I said simply. Because I did. If it had been her in this bed instead of me I would’ve been terrified.

“Ironic isn’t it. The one day you decide to break the rules and skip school and not wear your seat belt, which is weird since you’re the Seat Belt Nazi, it all blows up in your face.

Makes you want to keep walking the straight and narrow doesn’t it?” Wyatt asked with a grin on his face.

I smiled because laughing hurt, and Miranda rolled her eyes but a smile tugged on the corner her mouth. “Yes, I guess so.” I wanted to clarify the fact I’d been wearing my seat belt but I couldn’t explain something I didn’t understand, so I kept my mouth shut. A knock sounded on the door and Miranda stared at me, chewing her bottom lip nervously.

She lowered her voice to a whisper. “He hasn’t left since he got here with us yesterday. He even missed football practice.”

I watched as Leif walked inside the room. His eyes met mine and he paused a moment before walking into the room farther. I wasn’t sure exactly what to say to him or what he could possibly say to me. He was a guy I tutored and he’d slept in the waiting room all night because I’d acted ridiculous over his blowing off our study session. He was obviously nervous and I knew Wyatt and Miranda’s presence wasn’t helping matters. I didn’t intend to tell everyone my accident was his fault. I didn’t believe that. I knew I’d caused this. Letting him off the hook would be easy enough.

However, with my two best friends in the room it would be awkward. I didn’t want them to leave me because having them here felt like a security blanket. I glanced back at Leif and I could see in his eyes he wanted to talk to me without the audience but he wouldn’t ask them to leave. The thought of him sleeping in the waiting room all night because he felt 46



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guilty seemed unfair. I needed to ease his conscious so he could go home.

I turned to Miranda and Wyatt. “Could you two give us a minute?”

Miranda glared over at Leif and nodded. I watched as she stood up. Staring at Leif wasn’t something new for Miranda but glaring at him was. After I rectified the situation with Leif I would need to clear things up with my friends as well.

Once the door closed behind them, I turned my attention to him.

“Yesterday, I…. God.” He ran his hand through his messy, blond hair and closed his eyes. “You’re here because of me. I know you left because you were upset. I could see it in your eyes but I didn’t know how to make you talk to me.” He stopped again and gazed down at me. “I can never express to you how sorry I am.”

I shook my head. “This wasn’t your fault. I made a stupid decision.”

“No, it is my fault. I could see the tears in your eyes, Pagan, and it was killing me but I couldn’t find the right words. I wanted to explain but I did a poor job.” I couldn’t let him take the blame for my stupidity. “Stop blaming yourself. I will admit that I acted foolishly over you not showing up or calling. I did let the fact you were with Kendra upset me and that was silly. I don’t know why I let it upset me like it did. Crying over a guy isn’t something I do.

The fact I was fighting back tears confused me and I left.” He reached out and gently touched one of the two dozen pink roses sitting on a table by the window. “You left because I hurt you. That makes this my fault,” he replied simply. I didn’t want him beating himself up over this. He needed to get over it and go home.

“Leif, I’m your tutor. We aren’t even friends. You can miss a session and forget to call me, and I shouldn’t let that hurt me. I read more into our relationship than I should have. You have never insinuated we were more than study 47



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partners. We don’t speak at school; we don’t see each other except at my house when we are working. This was my fault.

Stop blaming yourself and go home.” I said the last with a softness to my voice so it didn’t sound rude. He frowned and walked over to stand beside my bed.

“You think I only see you as my tutor?” he asked. I nodded, unsure of his meaning. He gave me a sad smirk.

“That would be my fault too. I have never had a problem letting a girl know I’m interested...until you.” I wasn’t sure what he meant so I remained silent. He sat down in the chair Miranda vacated moments ago.

“I knew you didn’t like me when you agreed to tutor me.

You didn’t have to tell me that day in the hall when you said you’d turned me down because you didn't like me. I’ve always known you didn’t like me, but I wanted you to be my tutor. I wanted you to be the one to know my secret. Never did I expect the one girl who looked at me with disdain would be so much fun. It came as a surprise to find out the girl I’d been watching since our freshman year in high school happened to be just as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. You surprised me and it didn’t take much to hook me.” A sad smile touched his lips. “Yet, at school you still seemed as untouchable as always, so I kept my distance.