Existence(10)

“I’ll see you later. Your mother’s home.” I jerked my gaze 30



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up from my hands, which I’d been wringing in my lap nervously, but my bed was empty.

“PAGAN! Come help me get the groceries inside!” Mom called from the bottom of the stairs. I sighed and stood up, glancing back once more to my empty bed before running downstairs to help her unload the car.





* * * *

Sleep did not come easy the rest of the weekend. I’d even slept with my door open and my closet light on. It was ridiculous that he had me scared of the dark. The dark circles under my eyes had been impossible to completely cover this morning. Tugging my book bag up higher on my shoulder, I made my way through the packed hallway. I passed Leif and he nodded politely. The other times I’d seen him today, he hadn’t even noticed me. Why his lack of attention made me want to go back home and crawl in bed I didn’t know. But then again I may just want to go crawl in bed because sexy-dead-stalker-dude was causing me to lose sleep and I was exhausted.

“Don’t look at him next time. It’ll drive him crazy.” The familiar drawl didn’t startle me. It was almost as if I expected him. Even though he’d been frustratingly absent since telling me he’d been watching me for weeks Saturday afternoon. Of course, there was no way I could respond to him right now and he knew it. I turned and headed for my locker. “He’s trying to play hard to get. Kind of proves what a child he is, but I can see it’s bothering you.”

“I’m not bothered,” I said between my teeth as I opened my locker.

“Yes, you are. There is this little wrinkle between your eyebrows that appears and you nibble your bottom lip when something bothers you.”

I knew I didn’t need to look at him but I couldn’t help it. I turned my head and peered at him through my hair. He was 31



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leaning against the locker beside mine with his arms crossed over his chest, watching me. No one had ever paid enough attention to me before to actually be able to describe my facial expression when I was bothered. It was oddly endearing.

“You’re missing the public display of affection across the hall between your two buddies. They may need you to throw a bucket of ice water on them.” I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I didn’t need to turn around to know what he was talking about. Miranda and Wyatt could be a little gross.

“There that’s better. I like it when you’re smiling. If the football kid keeps making you frown I’m going to take matters into my own hands.” I opened my mouth to protest but he was gone.





* * * *

I glanced over at the clock. Leif would be here any minute. My mother had left thirty minutes ago for another date with Roger. I’d spent the time alone walking through the house looking for the soul I couldn’t seem to get rid of. I wasn’t sure where I expected to find him. He didn’t really seem to be the kind of guy who sits around and does nothing.

If he was here wouldn’t he be trying to tell me what to do or asking me questions that were none of his business? But I searched for him anyway. I wanted to discuss the comment he made earlier. The doorbell interrupted my hunt and I headed back to the living room to get the door.

“Hey.” I stepped back and let Leif in. I’d ignored him the rest of the day. Wasn’t sure what good it did, but I decided I didn’t want Leif thinking I cared if he spoke to me or not.

“Hey,” he replied and stepped inside. I led him over to the kitchen table and waited while he set his books down.

“Safe sex,” he announced.

I froze and stared at him, unsure whether I’d just heard him correctly. His serious face broke into a grin and then he 32



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started laughing.

“I wish you could see your face,” he said through his fits of laughter.

“You did say ‘safe sex’ then?” I asked, trying to determine what was so funny. He was the one talking about sex.

He nodded and held up his paper. “The topic for this week’s speech.”

I laughed weakly. “Okay, well that was one way to announce it,” I replied while going to the fridge to get our drinks.

“I’m hoping you’re well educated on this topic because I haven’t got a clue.”

“What?” I squeaked in reply.

He laughed again and I stood there waiting on him to get a grip. “I’m sorry,” he said, “It’s just that you’re so cute when you’re shocked.”

I stiffened at the word cute and wished I hadn’t. Hoping he didn’t notice my reaction, I took a deep breath and prayed silently for my eyes not to betray me when I turned around.

It wasn’t as if I wanted Leif to see me differently but I didn’t exactly want him to think I was cute. Maybe attractive or pretty, even, but not cute. Although him referring to me as cute helped remind me where I stood with him. Any delusions I may have had of us being anything other than friends dissipated.

“I think having had actual experience isn’t necessary. It’s basically supposed to be about your beliefs on the subject or the importance of it.” I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes.

He reached over and tilted my chin up so I wouldn’t have a choice. “You’re embarrassed.” I averted my eyes and he chuckled. “That’s cute.”