Drive(103)

“Nate, please don’t do this.”

He whirled on me in the hallway. “I saw it. I saw you! You love him! You fucking love him!”

I felt my heart sink. “I love you.”

“I know,” he snapped as he turned toward the bedroom. “I know, Stella.”

He grabbed a suitcase from the closet and flashed a look my way. “Did you fuck him?”

“No. I kissed him. I got swept up in the moment, and there’s no excuse, so I won’t give you one. I can’t explain it.” Desperation leaked out of me as I watched him pack. “Don’t leave.”

The anger in his eyes told me I didn’t have a chance in hell of winning this fight. I crumbled then, and he caught me. “Stella, stop it. You can’t get upset like that.”

“Fuck it,” I said with conviction. “If you leave, I’ll be ruined anyway,” I said, my heart bared. “I said yes because I wanted to marry you, Nate. You are acting like I slept with him, like I had some sort of affair.”

“It’s the same damn thing if you’re in love with him!”

I knew he was right. I knew he was, but it didn’t stop me from fighting.

“Nate, we barely started, Reid and I, and we ended so long ago.”

“Lies. You’re not a liar, Stella! I deserve you! Where has this greedy fuck been? Where is he now? Waiting for you on a jet? Damn you both.” He jerked some clothes from our closet and began packing.

I had no right to argue, but the half of me that belonged to Nate Butler was not going down without a fight. “Never in all our time together did you not feel me with you, Nate Butler. You can accuse me of a lot right now, but not of being absent! You were the one who was absent!”

He stopped packing his bag and shook his head slowly. “You don’t fucking get to throw that in now when it’s convenient.”

“It never was convenient, was it?”

“Oh, that’s some fucked logic, Stella!”

I shrugged. “It didn’t matter. And do you know why? I wanted us. I would never have taken this ring if I didn’t think I would be happy as your wife and could make you happy.”

“Stella,” he said, his voice cracking as his eyes swam. “I saw it. I will never be able to erase that image from my head. Ever.”

He picked up a picture of us—a shot of us the night we got engaged, the night he got down on both knees and asked me for forever—and smashed it into the wall behind me.

“Nate.” I cringed at his outburst. He was seething.

He paced in front of me, his eyes blue fire.

“Tell me everything. Right now, Stella.”

“He was my first love. It just stunned me. That’s all.”

“You aren’t going to lie your way out of this. I want the truth. Right now. I deserve it.”

“I don’t even know him anymore,” I said, but even that felt wrong. I was defenseless after an ambush. I never felt like I wouldn’t be happy where I was. Nate was enough, that’s what my heart told me, and I believed it.

Reid was the goddamn grenade.

“Well, he knows you. That whole set was for you! Admit it,” he said, taking a dangerous step toward me. “Stella,” he snapped, as my eyes begged him to let it go. He lifted his chin, ready for the blow, and I delivered.

“I love you both,” I cried as he towered over me. “And he was never supposed to come back for me.”

“But he did,” he said as angry tears fell down his cheeks.

I would never forgive myself for hurting him.

“After the interview, he showed up to Paige’s wedding and told me he wanted me back. I told him I was with you, that I was happy.”

“And you came home and fucked me,” he scoffed.

“And the day after that and the day after. I’ve made myself clear to you both!” I pulled his suitcase off the bed and threw it on the floor. “It’s your ring that I’m wearing, your name that I’m taking.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head.

“No?” I said, walking toward him as my world stopped for the second time that night.

“Maybe you choose me now, at this moment, but regret that decision later, resent me. You already told me months ago you wanted more. And I’m not going to walk around like a fucking zombie waiting for my wife to leave me!”

He pulled my arms away from him, and I sank onto our bed as the gravity of losing him hit repeatedly.

“Nate, you mean so much to me. You’re my best friend. I love you,” I croaked. “Please don’t go.”

Nate stood with his heart cracking, his eyes full of emotion. I’d never seen him so distraught, so ruined.

“I deserved to know the truth,” he said, pulling me to stand. It was there, between us, all the adoration, the years of knowing each other so intimately, and so much unfinished love to be made. I gripped him tight and pressed my mouth to his, fighting, begging for him to kiss me back. His lips bruised me as he fought back, his tongue dueling with mine. I whimpered in his hold until he shook me away.

“No, Stella. Last night, it was honest between you and me. Tonight, it would be a lie. Don’t touch me. I’m crazy jealous right now in a way that scares me.” His eyes flicked to mine. “I want to hurt you both.”