Crazy Stupid Love (Crazy Love #1)(58)

“I don’t understand.” I take a couple steps towards him, but he steps away when I get too close.

“I’m a f*cking tornado, Kimber. I will rip through your life and destroy every single thing you love.”

“I don’t believe that.” I shake my head.

“Believe it,” he warns. “I always hurt the people who are closest to me the most. I could never forgive myself for hurting you.”

“But you are hurting me,” I plead, wiping away a tear that escapes my eye.

“It’s nothing compared to how badly I would hurt you if we don’t end this.”

“Decklan, please.”

“This is over, Kimber.” He breaks my gaze, crossing the room towards the front door.

“You can’t do this. Being with you is my choice.”

“And ending it is mine.” He rips open the door.

“Decklan.” My voice barely breaks the surface as tears now flow freely down my cheeks.

“Leave, Kimber.”

“No.” I refuse. “I’m not going to just walk away, I can’t.”

“You don’t have a choice. Now leave.” His tone is absolute.

“I’m not leaving.”

“I said get the f*ck out!” he screams. The slur of the whiskey makes his voice sound so much more vicious than it probably would otherwise. “Now!” I jump when he screams again.

“Please.” I am desperate at this point. Fear grips at my chest nearly paralyzing me on the spot.

“So help me god, Kimber, if you don’t get the f*ck out of my apartment I will remove you from it,” he threatens.

“No, you won’t,” I challenge, tensing when he storms towards me, his hand closing down on my forearm as he pulls me through the room.

“Remember me like this.” He forces me onto the landing at the top of the stairs. “And don’t ever come back here again.” The door slams in my face before I have a chance to say anything.

I stand in front of that door for what feels like an eternity, somehow trying to convince myself that this is all some kind of sick joke and that any moment he’s going to open the door and pull me into his arms.

I wait for that moment, but that moment never comes.

Convincing yourself of a truth that your mind refuses to believe is somewhat like falling into a nightmare. Deep down the only way you can cope with it is to make yourself believe it isn’t real.

Only this is real...

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I don’t remember leaving the bar, only the vague memory of someone saying my name as I stepped out onto the sidewalk stuck with me; the drive home’s even more of a blur.

It’s like one minute I’m standing in front of Decklan’s door trying to convince myself none of this is real, the next I am in my dorm with no real recollection of how I got here.

All I know is I feel like the walls are caving in around me and there is no way to survive the weight that is slowly suffocating me.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t think clearly.

I feel like my heart is literally being torn from my chest, and I am helpless to stop it.





Chapter Twenty-two


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Decklan

“You can’t keep doing this, dude. I’ve covered for you for over a week now, but I won’t continue to pull your weight.” Gavin stares back at me from across the bar, his tone serious. “I know you’re going through some shit right now, and I know what next week is...” He pauses, his gaze softening slightly.

“Conner has nothing to do with this,” I object, slinging back the remainder of the drink in front of me.

“Conner has everything to do with this,” he says, his face hardening, “and you’re a f*cking idiot if you think he doesn’t.”

“Watch it,” I warn. “You may be my best friend but that doesn’t mean I won’t f*cking lay you out.”

“Really?” He bites, his clear aggravation growing. “Is that how it’s going to be now? You’re just going to push everyone away this time, including me?”

“I’m not pushing anyone away.” Even as I say the words I know deep down they aren’t true.

Isn’t that exactly what I did to Kimber? Pushed her away? I still can’t shake the way she looked at me when I forced her to leave my apartment. I don’t think a look has ever f*cking gutted me the way that one did.

“You do this every year. Every year when it gets close to the anniversary of the accident you shut down. I’ve come to expect it, Deck. But this is extreme, even for you. You can’t just hole yourself up in that apartment and drink yourself to death. You have friends, a business, and last time I checked a beautiful girl, for reasons unknown to me, who is f*cking crazy about you.”

“I doubt she’d agree with you there,” I mutter, not meeting his gaze.

“Because you f*cking discarded her like a piece of f*cking trash, Deck.” He sighs, running his hands through his hair on a sigh of frustration. “The first girl, dude, the first girl to ever pull you out of the dark fog you’ve been living in for the past eight years and this is how you treat her?”