Craving The Player (Amateurs In Love Book 1)(88)

“Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling? Will that help? I’m ready to do just about anything so we can move forward. This is exhausting, Son,” he sighs, shoulders sagging in defeat. “You don’t have to like the idea, but I would appreciate it if you would just accept it and stop being such an ass about it so we can all move on. Lana isn’t going anywhere.”

“Right,” I chortle.

“What?” he asks, brows lifted with an unspoken warning. “Spit it out.”

I lean forward on the leather couch and grip my knees, meeting his pointed look with my own. “You expect me to believe that this marriage will be any different than your last one? You and Mom couldn’t even make yours work and you had a little kid to think about. Not like that made a difference. You both dragged me into the middle of your gigantic shit storm instead of making it work.”

The shock that crosses my dad’s face nearly makes me proud, but I shrug away the feeling before it has a chance to fester.

“We never meant to drag you into anything,” he whispers, eyes dropping to his sock-covered feet.

“Well, you did. Over and over again until Mom took off to live to travel the fucking world. Neither of you cared enough to hide your problems from me, and now you want me to believe that you’ll be able to actually keep this one around?” I ignore the hurt in his eyes and continue, the built-up feelings crashing into me like a wave that I can’t hold back. “I love you, Dad, but you both fucked up. And you fucked me up.”

“If this is about Sierra, there’s still ti—”

“No, there’s not still time!” I’m shouting now, my skin burning under my fingertips when I rub my jaw and stand up. “She’s gone and it’s your fault! If my idea of love hadn’t been so fucked up, maybe I wouldn’t have let her leave me. Maybe I could have said it back instead of letting my fear destroy us! You should have seen her face. I can't stop seeing it."

“Braden,” he chokes out, my name sounding muffled. “We never meant for you to carry our problems with you. If I could go back and change how we acted, I would have. You didn’t deserve to witness that. Especially not at such a young age.”

“Well, there is no going back. It’s too late. It’s too late for everything.”

My hands slide in my hair, yanking on it in an attempt to distract myself from the burning in my chest, a feeling I never used to be used to, but have quickly grown to hate. I’ve been sucking these words in for years, way too many years. They keep sliding out like my tongue is covered in soap, and as hard as I try to feel guilty for saying them, I’m not.

“Your mom and I weren’t meant to be together, Braden. We were just too young and naive to realize that. We ignored the red flags, and we paid the price—you paid the price. That doesn’t mean that you and Sierra would have made the same mistakes we did. You can’t let that ruin your happiness,” he says gently, standing in front of me now, sunken eyes dull and glossy.

“The way you light up when you see each other, and grin until your cheeks hurt, that’s how you know you have something special. Please don’t give that up. Especially not because of your mother and I,” he continues.

I squeeze my eyes shut and sigh heavily. “I love her, Dad. I love her more than I thought I could love anything or anyone and I hate it. I fucking hate knowing that to be with her, I have to give her the power to hurt me. How is that fair? How am I supposed to want to do that?”

“Nobody wants to give somebody else power over them. But we do it because we would rather have them for a short time than never at all. That’s what you want, isn’t it? To at least have the chance at real happiness with her? Even if it doesn’t last forever?”

Is that what I want? Are a few more weeks, months, or even years with her worth the chance of it crashing down on top of us? By the way my stomach lurches as I ask myself that question, I think I know the answer already.

“What if she doesn’t want me anymore? I wouldn’t even be able to leave here for a few weeks. There’s too much to do.” I swallow, nerves starting to coat my skin.

“I don’t think you have to worry about that,” he chuckles. “As far as arrangements go, I know that Tyler wouldn’t mind helping you. He acts like he owns the gym anyway. I’m sure he would love to be the real one in charge for a change. You can figure out the rest after you go tell her how you feel. The last thing you want is her boarding that plane thinking that your balls aren’t in her carry-on.”

A rough laugh tears up my throat before I look at the grandfather clock pushed to the corner of the living room and feel my mouth fall. Her plane leaves in an hour. She has to be at the airport already. “I’m not the guy that runs through an airport to make some intense, movie-worthy love confession, Dad.”

He grips my shoulder in a tight grip and squeezes, staring at me with a look so intense my eyes widen. “Tough shit, Son. Today, that’s exactly what you are.”

My heart pounds against my rib cage, adrenaline beginning to burn beneath my skin. “Look,” I say guardedly. “About what I said before—”

“Don’t apologize,” he cuts me off, voice heavy with authority. “You should never have had to feel like that in the first place. I’m sorry.”