Conviction (Consolation Duet #2)(44)

“Dreambaby?”

“Well, he’s Dreamboat, so he has Dreambabies.”

“Oh, Jesus.”

We both laugh and talk about my doctor’s appointment. According to them, everything is on track and I conceived while we were in South Carolina. I’m only six weeks pregnant and my plan is to let Liam know once I make it through the twelve week period. I’ve lost two babies during the first trimester and the other was at fourteen weeks. I can’t worry him, and I don’t want to have him distracted.

Reanell sits back in the booth with a look that I know too well.

“What?” I ask.

“How are you handling Aarabelle and Aaron?”

I sigh and look away. “It’s hard sharing her like this, but it’s the way it is. Aaron is trying really hard and we’re getting along surprisingly well. He’s going to therapy and he loves her.”

Right now he’s taking her for short periods of time and nothing overnight. He said he’s not ready with his sleep schedule and the nightmares being as bad as they are. I’m proud that he’s aware of his PTSD and how it’s affecting him. The decision not to keep Aarbelle overnight is his decision instead of something I have to fight him on. Our lives have drifted through rougher seas, but he’s trying to calm them.

“How do you think he’s going to handle . . . ?”

“Not well. But he knows I’m moving on. I filed for divorce and he signed it.”

“Wow, that’s surprising.”

It was a shock, but I was glad it wasn’t drawn out. Aaron and I had tears in our eyes when I gave him the papers, but nonetheless he didn’t fight me. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It was truly admitting that the marriage was dissolved on our own choice.

“He said he loves me and he wants us both to be happy.” She nods and looks around. “You don’t think so?”

Reanell smiles. “I think you both are handling this difficult situation the best you can. I keep trying to imagine how I’d act if this was me. I think the divorce was more than a long time coming. I just want you all to be happy and in a good place. I know he was in a bad way when he got back, but considering he’s in counseling, it should help when he finds out about the baby.”

Since the fertility problems were basically the beginning of the end for us, I know this will kill him. I’ve thought about it and how to handle telling him, and I come up empty each time. Mark is the only person other than Reanell who knows. I owe it to Liam to let him know before anyone else. While having more children has always been something I wanted, I never thought it was a possibility. Now here I sit, pregnant with Liam’s baby.

“Do you think Liam will be happy?” I ask the burning question.


“Did you guys ever talk about it?”

“No, not really. I mean, he loves Aarabelle so much, I assume he won’t be upset, but . . .”

It’s the one black cloud that looms over me. I worry that he’ll think I tricked him before he was ready, but then knowing Liam, I doubt that at the same time. He loves me and we weren’t some one-night fling. He’s already made mention of marrying me and moving forward together.

Reanell grabs my hand. “I think Liam and you have a love that’s real and true. He’s patient, kind, loyal, and most of all, he adores you. He’s chosen you over a friendship that lasted far longer and he loves Aara. I mean, not many men would do what he has. Liam is your forever love.”

A tear falls as I allow my wall to come down for a minute and think about him. I miss him and can’t imagine my life with anyone else. Liam fills the cracks that formed in my heart. He makes me whole again, and gives me something I didn’t know I was missing. Just the sound of his voice can calm or excite me. I fall asleep thinking of him and wake up wishing he was next to me. I don’t think I could ever get over him. He would forever exist inside of my soul.

“I’m such an emotional mess. Damn hormones,” I laugh and wipe under my eyes. “I think Liam allowed me to see the difference between a comfortable love and a love that shatters your world. I loved Aaron, don’t get me wrong . . . but it was just something I think we did. We dated, got married, then having children became what we should do next. When we couldn’t, I felt like we were broken. Does that make sense?”

It’s Reanell’s turn to wipe her eyes. “It does.”

My heart breaks for her. As much as she puts on the front about her purses and shoes, she wanted children. “I’m so sorry, Rea.”

“I didn’t want to go through it. I couldn’t after watching you. My faith in God broke each time you’d call me and say it didn’t work or you lost a baby. You’re so much stronger than me, sister.”

I come around the other side of the booth and hug her. There’s a sisterhood we share. One of understanding, support, and unending friendship. When half our hearts leave, we bind our remaining pieces to get through the days. Not everyone can understand what we do. They say they can, but it’s not all sunshine and unicorns. We put our fears aside and wear plastic smiles because that’s what you do. Military wives aren’t strong because they want to be. They have to be. I know the chance that Liam can be returning in a box is real, but I love him regardless.

Reanell returns my hug and sniffles. It’s not often she breaks down, and she never shares this with Mason. “You have no idea how strong you are.” I pull her close and we both cry out a little of the pain we share.