Chasing Abby(80)

I draw in a slow breath and let it out, then I begin. “I’m sure Caleb didn’t expect such a large turnout or he might have planned something a bit more grandiose.” I pause as a few people chuckle and I try to catch my breath. “But that’s the way Caleb was, always doing amazingly huge things when no one was looking. He once planned a scavenger hunt for me. It was my sixteenth birthday, so he took me on a tour of our firsts. The first time he saw me in Mr. Wentz’s biology classroom. The first time he realized he had a crush on me in Mr. Warner’s algebra class. The first time we spoke to each other in my hospital room. And the scavenger hunt ended on my front doorstep, the location of our first kiss. At each location, there was a gift for me and I later found out he had borrowed money from his boss to buy some of those gifts. I should have known then that Caleb would stop at nothing to give me everything.”
A surge of raw emotion overcomes me and I stop for a couple of minutes to collect myself. “Caleb wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my caregiver, my study partner, my number-one distraction, my reality check, and my belly laugh when I needed it most. He was the one person who always knew exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it. So it doesn’t surprise me at all that Caleb knew I would need his heart just as much in his death as I needed it when he was alive.”
The sobbing in the crowd is almost unbearable. I take a few deep breaths and wipe my face before I continue.
“But if there is anything I think Caleb would most want to be remembered for, I don’t think it would be the priceless gift of life he gave to me. I think Caleb would want to be remembered as part of a family, part of your family and mine… So Caleb, wherever you are, thank you for letting me be a part of your family.”
I can’t escape the podium any faster. The humidity is suffocating and the chest-racking sobs aren’t making it any easier to breathe. My dad wraps his arm around my waist and my feet float over the grass as he carries me toward the car. As I collapse into the backseat, I’m surprised to find Ryder sitting back there. He’s wearing a handsome dark-gray suit and his eyes are rimmed pink from crying.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“I asked your mom and she said it was okay to ride with you. Is that okay?”
“Of course it is.”
I stretch my arms out to give him a hug and his nostrils flare as tears spill over his cheeks. He carefully wraps his arms around my waist and we hold each other the whole ride home. By the time my dad pulls the car into the driveway, Chris’s Jaguar is already parked on the curb waiting for us.
I kiss Ryder’s forehead and slowly let him go. “We’re home.”
He looks up at me with those brown eyes that stunned me when I first saw them almost three months ago. “Are you coming back? I asked my dad and he said he doesn’t know.”
“I don’t know, Ryder. I’m really behind on my classes right now because of all that time in the hospital. I don’t think I can take any more time off. But I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”
“Maybe you should take the semester off,” my mom says, twisting around in the front seat to face me. “All the doctors said these first three to four months are the most critical time. You’re going to need a lot of rest. Maybe… Maybe you can spend some of that time with your siblings.”
Ryder’s eyes light up. I don’t want to tell him that I don’t know if I’ll ever be strong enough to visit him at their house in Cary or the beach house. The place where the best and worst summer of my life began and ended. The place where I got lost in the ocean and found myself in someone else’s eyes.
“Come on. Let’s go inside.”