Chasing Abby(78)

The drowsiness is taking hold again, and my throat relaxes enough for me to get out four words. “You were my dream.”


Chapter 33 - Abby


I SPEND SEVENTEEN excruciating days in the hospital, unable to speak or eat. It’s only my desire to see the endless biopsies and X-rays end that makes me take up solid food again. I need it all to be over. I need to go home, curl up in my bed, and sleep for a very long time. My dreams are the only place where I’m safe. My dreams are the only place where none of this ever happened.
The ride home from the hospital is the longest three hours of my life. The ride should have taken two and a half hours, but my dad insists on driving below the speed limit. Afraid my new heart might fall out or something. My mom is sitting in the backseat with me, wringing her hands with frustration because I won’t allow her to touch me.
I don’t want my mother to hold me while I sob on her shoulder and ask, “Why me?” I want Caleb to hold me and tell me I’m going to get through this. That losing him isn’t the end of every good thing in my life.
I just want to hear his voice one more time. Is that too much to ask? I think it would be easier if I could just hear him call me “sunshine” once more.
We enter our house in Raleigh and the first thing I’m struck by is the smell. The beach house always had a slightly salty, sunbaked aroma mixed with the scent of fresh laundry. With seven people in the house, there was always a load going. Our house in Raleigh smells like my mom’s favorite lemon-scented disinfectant. She must have disinfected every surface with that stuff when she and my dad came home a few days ago to prepare the house for my arrival.
I want to take a shower, but I’m not allowed to for another twelve days. And my mom is supposed to help me when I take a bath, so that rules out that option. I head for the kitchen to get myself a glass of water and my mom follows close behind me.
“Are you hungry, honey? I got a bunch of healthy snacks that are on the list Dr. Rosenthal gave me. We have tons of fruits and veggies, low-fat cheese sticks, gluten-free rice crackers.”
“I’m not hungry. I just want a glass of water.” I reach for the cupboard above the kitchen counter, but a sharp pain in my breastbone stops me.
“I’ll get you some water. You just go lie down.”
She grabs my arms and gently turns me away from the counter. I take a couple of steps forward, then I stop in the middle of the kitchen and look around. The beige stone tiles and cherry cabinets look the same as they did when I was last here, but something about this room is different.
“What did you change in here?”
My mom glances toward the kitchen window above the sink. “We removed all the blinds and curtains in the house.”
“In my room, too?”
“No.” She swiftly grabs a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water, then she places her hand on the small of my back to lead me to my bedroom. “Chris and Claire helped us install some remote-controlled window coverings in your room. The remote is in the top drawer of your nightstand. I know you probably don’t feel like it, but please consider leaving the blinds open as often as possible. It’s better for you. You know the saying. Sunlight is the best disinfectant. Turns out that’s also true in the literal sense.”
I stand on the threshold of my bedroom and marvel at how clean and organized everything is. The dozens of pictures of me, Caleb, and Amy that were pinned haphazardly on the walls are now arranged in a beautiful collage in a single picture frame that hangs above my headboard. The messy collection of office supplies and makeup on my desk is gone and a handy purple makeup case sits next to my laptop. Both my guitars hang from hooks on the wall. The room smells like lemon instead of the usual combined scent of shampoo and dirty socks. Everything has been organized and sanitized, except for the full-length mirror propped up against the wall in the corner. Where Caleb wrote with a tube of cherry lip balm, “Good morning, sunshine!”