Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(44)

“Oh George, is it still that bad?” I nod my head.

“Yep, every second of every day.” She reaches out and squeezes my hand.

“Then you need to hear what I have to say, because he’s in exactly the same state you are.”

Fuck!

“What?”

“He’s a mess G, a complete f*cking mess, he gets up on that stage or in front of a camera and he’s big bad Maca but as soon as the show is over, all he wants is you. He does the interviews, smiles for the cameras, stays for five minutes at the after show parties and then he goes home, he still loves you George and he misses you so much.”

My hand instinctively reaches up to the delicate silver necklace I still wear, it’s the only part of him that I’ve allowed to stay in my life and that’s only because I can’t actually see it, well I can if I look in a mirror but it’s been there so long now, that I don’t really notice it, it’s part of me, of who I am, exactly like he is.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

My head is spinning and it’s not because of the wine.

“Because it’s what you wanted, because, until today, I thought you were right, I thought you had every right to stay away from him, I thought it was the right thing for you but now I’m not so sure.”

Ashley came back at that moment, with another bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne, which she waved in front of her. “This ladies, is compliments of the gentleman at the bar.”

A barman appeared at our table with three champagne flutes and proceeded to pop the cork and fill the glasses. We thanked him and turned around to thank the blokes at the bar; there were four of them. One looked like he’d just come from the golf course, one looked like he’d just come from the gym and the other two from the office, one in a suit, one in a pair of dark fitted trousers and a white shirt, his sleeves rolled up to the elbows, he had his back to me and I couldn’t see his face but I could see he had a lovely arse and shiny black hair It was quite long but not cut in the mullet that everyone seemed to be favouring at the moment, just long and pushed back, he was tall, very tall, with a broad back and shoulders. I smiled politely at all the others, mouthed cheers and tilted my glass toward them, just as I was about to look away, he turned and his eyes met mine.

Fuck!

My heart gave a little judder, it was like after three years, it was letting me know it was there and capable of doing more than just keeping me alive but I didn’t want it to, I wanted it to focus on just one job, doing nothing but keeping me alive. I didn’t want it to feel and I certainly didn’t want it to react. His brown eyes remained locked on mine as I took a swig of my drink and as I did, he smiled, very slightly at me with his soft, full lips and once again, my heart stopped for a split second and then picked up its rhythm in my chest.

Fuck!

Fuck!

And f*ck!

“Fuck G, he’s nice.” Jimmie nudged me and I almost spat my drink out as she said out loud, exactly what I had been thinking.

I noticed that he laughed as he watched me wipe champagne from my chin and his eyebrows rose slightly as I sucked it off the side of my finger, he shook his head and looked away and for the very first time in three long years. I felt the stirrings of desire, deep down in my belly and I knew that I had to stay the f*ck away from this man; because there was no way that I would ever get involved with anyone who stirred that kind of reaction in me again. Ever.

After drinking the bubbly and the bottle of wine, Ashley stayed at the wine bar with some friends, while Jimmie and I jumped in a taxi and went back to her house. Lennon was in front of the telly watching a video of the band and as I stepped through the living room door, there, filling the screen, in all his glorious beauty was the love of my life. The room swayed as I quickly closed my eyes for a few moments but something inside me forced them to open and take just one more look, as soon as Len looked over his shoulder and saw me, he ejected the video, then stood as I finally dragged my eyes away from the now blue screen, I noticed that he was smiling at me sadly.