Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(39)

“I didn’t think you did.”

“So why are you so pissed off with me?”

“Why was she in your room Sean?” He looks down at the floor and shakes his head.

“I was so drunk G, I’d done a couple of lines of coke, Marley wanted to get hold of her but she wouldn’t come back to the room unless I went.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did she want you to go back with them?”

He takes a few steps toward my bed, “George.”

“Why Sean, tell me why?” He sits on the edge of my bed and looks at me.

“She wanted a threesome.” I wanted to be sick, I wanted to punch him, and I wanted to kill her.

“And you went?’ He nodded.

“I’m so sorry G, I was off my face.”

“You were drunk and off your face and you went back to your room with Marley and Haley the whore for a threesome?”

“I didn’t know what I was doing G, I went back so that Marley could get hold of her, then I was just gonna leave them to it…” he trailed off.

It suddenly struck me, I wasn’t crying, I hadn’t cried since he called me Thursday night, I was hurt and angry and emotional but I didn’t cry, I just let that little man keep building that wall, higher and higher, one course at a time.

“So what happened?” He drags his hands through his hair and I want to do the same but I won’t, I can’t, I need him to look me in the eye as he explains what happened, I need him to tell me that he didn’t touch her, that he never laid a finger on her. I sit and stare at him for a few long moments and notice that his hair is almost perfectly straight now, the curls that he had when we first met have gone, he’s wearing it longer again. When did it grow? When did his curls disappear? It’s a simple observation but one that makes me realise he’s changing and because he’s not with me, I’m not noticing, I’m not part of his everyday world, this boy who’s skin I have known as well as my own these past few years has grown and changed and he’s done it all without me.

“I was so drunk.”

No! Please no.

“As soon as the door slammed shut behind us, she was on me.”

Oh Sean!

“She was on you?” He nods as he covers his face with his hands, his elbows resting on his knees, he’s sitting on the edge of my bed, angled toward me, his skin looks tanned, obviously from the time he’s spent in the sun these past few weeks, in the sun, around a pool, without me. Every single beat of my heart hurts, it echoes through my body and wherever it reaches, it causes pain, I don’t want it to hurt, I don’t want it to feel, I would rather it just stopped.

“How, how was she on you?” This time he shakes his head.

“Rocco had these pills, I only had one, Marley had a couple, they were, they made me feel fantastic, we danced for ages down by the pool, everything just felt good and I just felt so horny.”

“No, no, no! Get out, get out Sean, I don’t want to hear this.”

My stupid, stupid, naive, sixteen year old heart has now ceased to exist and something hard, harsh and cold is slowly taking its place but before it does, I need him to shut up and I need him to leave. Now!

“I love you G, you, no one else, no one else ever, please listen to me, it was the drugs, I just couldn’t stop, I couldn’t…”

Now it was time for me to cover my face with my hands, I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to die. I slid off the bed and took my engagement ring from its hiding place and held it out to him.