Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(46)

Lennon puts three cups of tea down on the coffee table, I lean forward and pick mine up, I know it’s going to be too hot but I need something to do while I try and absorb all of this info; Len stands in front of me with his hands on his hips and says, “Yeah, didn’t you know that?”

I shake my head. “No, I didn’t, anyway, carry on Jim.” I nod toward her to keep talking.

“Well you know the rest, Rocco sent copies of the pictures to the press and assumed that the images, along with the rape allegations would get Carnage off the tour and would split you and Sean up.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “He had half his wishes come true, the other half had the complete opposite effect, meaning Carnage are now bigger than KR and Rocco is thoroughly pissed off.”

She looks at me and shrugs, I don’t know what she expects me to say, yeah I’m well and truly pissed off that Rocco and Whorely plotted and schemed and got their wish in breaking up Sean and me, but at the end of the day, he did what he did and for me, the issue was never about the rape allegation, I knew that was a lie. I just knew, but Sean going back to the room for a threesome that was the truth, her getting naked and letting them snort blow off of her body, that was the truth and that was what I couldn’t forgive him for.

“Well, thanks for letting me know Jim, I hope if you ever come across either one of that scheming pair of cunts you will smack them right between the eyes for me but at the end of the day, he was there, he was in that room, snorting blow off her tits, just four days after declaring undying love and proposing marriage to me and there are pictures to prove it so it doesn’t change anything. Nothing will change the fact that he was in that room, with that slut, all that’s changed are the circumstances that led to it and yes I am angry that they set him up, but that just goes to show how easy it was for him to go astray, how easily he was tempted.”

I lean forward and dig into the biscuit barrel; I find a Mcvities chocolate digestive and dunk it in my tea. I actually want to curl up in a corner and rock, but I do what I have been doing for the last three years, I shut down my emotions and carry on with my numb little life.

“Do you know how much he still loves you George? He’s such a mess on the inside, he hides it well but I know, I’ve held him so many times now, when he’s had a few drinks, the conversation always ends up about you and always ends in tears.” I raise my eyebrows and look at Lennon.

“And there’s been no other women, since we broke up, there’s been no one else?”

Len pulls his head back and looks at me as if I’m mad. “I never said that G, there’s been sex, of course there’s been sex but it doesn’t mean anything, they mean nothing.”

“Well that’s where me and him differ coz those birds he f*cks, mean a lot to me, they mean he’s moved on, while I can still barely leave the house. Tonight was my first girls night out in over three years, I don’t even look at other blokes, I can’t, it’s pointless, because all I ever see is him and that’s okay, it’s my issue, not his and it’s just something I’m finally learning to live with.”

Lennon lets out a long sigh. “Would you talk to him, if I could get the two of you together, would you talk to him?” I shake my head.

“Len, apart from business trips and meetings, tonight is the first time I’ve socialised in over three years, I don’t watch telly, I don’t listen to the radio, I don’t read magazines, all because, just the thought of someone mentioning his name, catching a glimpse of his face or hearing his voice is much too painful. But I’m getting better, it doesn’t hurt any less, I’m just finally getting to grips with how I handle my feelings. Tonight was really hard for me but I did it, and I want to keep going forward and if I see or hear from him, it’ll probably just set me back, so no, not yet, I’m not ready.”