Breathe In (Just Breathe, #1)(80)

Noticing that Sadie is not in the room, I discreetly slide out of the bed and into to the hallway. Tip-toeing through the halls, I scan each room for Sadie, but she is nowhere to be found. A muted sound coming from the main entrance catches my attention and I follow it.

“There you go, Ms. Sadie,” Anna whispers, unhooking her leash.

Sadie runs to me as I drop to the floor to greet her.

“She’s been fed and walked, Ms. Emma.”

“Thank you, Anna,” I return meekly.

“Everything okay, Ms. Emma?”

“Great,” I lie with a fake smile.

Anna watches me for a moment before asking, “You hungry?”

“No. I’m good. Thank you.”

Ana smiles and nods before she moves on to her next task and I stay on the floor petting Sadie.

Seeing that it’s after six when I enter the kitchen, I’m even more thankful of Anna for helping with Sadie. I make my morning clay as Sadie sits with her favorite stuffed sock monkey in her mouth. After using the half bath that is near the kitchen, Sadie and I play for a little while in the living room.

My thoughts keep drifting back to the nightmare, but I know dwelling on it doesn’t allow me to move forward. I just can’t shake this weird feeling that I have. I sense it trying to linger and remember that it’s some of the old emotions tied to my parents’ death. It’s going to take a bit longer to get past all of this today.

Sadie resorts back to chewing on her bone, which indicates to me that she’s done playing. I grab one of the smaller blankets from the living room, wrap it around my shoulders and head out to the patio. I’m met with a tranquil, late April, Saturday morning. I tilt forward looking over the wall out onto Colorado Boulevard as Sadie curls up at my feet. Taking in the quiet scene of Pasadena, I encourage my mind and body to unwind as I watch what little life there is occurring on the street below.

A short time later, I hear the patio door slide open and closed, but ignore who it is. A heated, firm body presses into my back, but I keep my eyes forward, looking off into the distance. No words need to be exchanged because I know who has found me. Wrapping his arms around my shoulders, I feel Joe nuzzle into my neck and breathe out a sigh of relief. Given my current state of emotions, it’s hard for me to feel anything at this moment.

Joe doesn’t push, poke or prod with words or his body. He just holds me attentively, as if he’s afraid he might shatter me. A small part of me appreciates his sentiment, but I’m so lost in myself that he practically goes unnoticed. I’m not sure how long we stay like this, but we’re here long enough for my bare feet to feel numb from the cool concrete under them.

I shift to break from Joe and go back inside. I curl into one of the corners of the couch, keeping the blanket close and rest the right side of my head on a pillow. Sadie lays on my left as I watch Joe grab another blanket before lifting my feet and sitting beneath them. He covers us both with the blanket and settles himself quickly. My blank stare meets Joe’s eyes and some sensation kindles inside me as he massages my right foot. The heat from his hands quickly dismisses any remaining numbness in my foot. He meticulously rubs each of my feet, not missing a single spot. I close my eyes savoring Joe’s reassuring touch.


I want to crawl into his arms. I need to crawl into his body. My heart is conflicted with craving comfort and distance at the same time. I’m so confused. Maybe I should go back to bed and lay with Jared. No. I don’t want to be around a lot of people right now.

My eyes are closed as my consciousness feels Sadie now at my feet. Joe slides under the blanket cautiously like he doesn’t want to disturb me. I don’t need to open my eyes to know it’s him. The smell and feel of his body confirms that it is.

Brushing my hair with his fingers, Joe searches, “You asleep.”

“No,” I mumble.

“Hungry?”

“A little. Why?” I turn my head to look at him.

“Here,” he offers handing me a tall glass.

“Thanks.” I take the smoothie from him.

“I made it just the way you like.”

I pause hearing his words before taking a sip. “You made it?”

“Yes.”

“You sure Anna didn’t make it?”

“I wouldn’t let her help me,” he sheepishly grins.

My eyebrows lift in astonishment.

“You can ask her if you don’t believe me.”

I shake my head and gulp the rest of it down. He takes the glass from me and places it on the table before grabbing a second one.

“I’m not that hungry,” I profess.

“This one is for me, silly,” he chuckles.

Once he’s finished, I feel Joe put the glass back as his right hand plays with my hair. He takes my left hand and holds it up to his mouth, kissing it several times before placing it back down, not letting go. I coil back into the pillow, longing to escape the drifting sadness in my chest.

Joe’s body alters abruptly and I’m coherent again. I feel his body weight, but his arms are no longer around me.

“She’s over here,” he whispers standing up.

“Thanks. How long has she been out here?” Jared whispers with his voice getting closer.

“A while. Is this normal for her?” I hear the worry in Joe’s tone.