Breathe In (Just Breathe, #1)(79)

Another indistinguishable sound gradually becomes more apparent as it grows louder and the ringing in my ears subsides. It’s the engine of a car. My brain finally starts to put the fuzzy pieces of evidence together. I must have fallen asleep in the back seat. A familiar smell creeps into my nose that reassures me — my mother’s perfume.

“Mom?” my throat squeezes out in a raw, breathy, hoarse tone.

Wake up, Emma.” Her voice replies in a low sluggish tone.

What is she talking about? I am awake.

A sudden rush of nervousness enters my belly. The car feels as if it’s flying down the road like a rocket ship as the speed of the flashing lights zooming above my head all blur into one.

“Mom,” I try to shout, but not a single sound escapes my mouth this time. Confused, I try again. “Mom!”

She doesn’t hear me. I don’t hear me.

A single, bright white light races towards us, growing larger by the second. Mom turns her head towards me smiling. Why doesn’t she hear me? How does she not see the light?

Again, with all my might. “Mom . . .!” my voice trails in my head like a deafening siren, stabbing my ears like a knife.

Time stops in this very moment. I can see everything with complete clarity as I stare in horror into my mother’s eyes. No. Joe’s eyes. I can’t move. My mouth is left open, screaming without a sound. I can’t hear anything besides a piercing ring that echoes in my brain.

My body lurches backward as I scramble to grab anything.

“Wake up, Emma!” the voice beckons.

Ignoring the command, my nails dragging over the flesh of my mother’s body, reaching to yank the bloody, metal object from her stomach. Black liquid oozes from her mouth as her eyes appear lifeless.

“Mom!” I finally hear the sound of my own voice as I claw at the protrusion in her abdomen. Tears run down my face, blocking my vision as I jerk at the metal object to remove it from her cold, stiff body. “Mom . . . I can’t get it out.”

I’m thrown backward when the voice echoes, “Emma, wake up!”

With my mother’s body no longer within reach, I scramble to get a hold of one of her legs. Using all of my strength, I pull myself over and grab onto the metal.

“I need to get it out,” I cry as I’m snatched away again. “I need to . . . .”

“Wake up, Emma!” the voice orders.

My eyes fling open as I scream out in horror. Disoriented, my body shakes as tears stream down my face. “I need to get it out!”

“It’s okay,” a voices cracks.

I feel a tender, warmth drape itself around my shoulders.

“I need to get it out!” I sob. “I need to get it out! I need to get it out!”

“I’ll be right back,” the voice instructs.

“I need to get it out!” I repeat, trembling as all I can see is the image of my mother’s lifeless body and the blood that is everywhere — it’s all over my hands. I sit rocking with my legs curled into my chest and my hands out-stretched, not wanting to get anymore blood on me. “I need to get it out,” I mumble to myself. “There’s so much blood. I need to get it out . . . .”

“I’ve got you, Kitten,” a different voice claims as something wraps around my body. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

“I’ve got to get it out . . . There’s so much blood.” I inform it. “I’ve got to . . . .”

“I know you do. But, you can’t. It’s not real. Remember?” the voice reminds me gently. “Come back to me, please.”

“It is real. Don’t you see the blood? Look . . .” I attest.

“No, Kitten. It’s not real,” the voice declares while gripping my face. “Look at me, Emma. Come back to me. Come back to what is real.”

I pinch my eyes shut, focusing on it’s words. His words.

“It’s not real?” I question, not believing him.

“No, Kitten. It’s not real. Open your eyes and see. Come back to me,” he pleas.

Choking in breathes, I open my eyes as I exhale to find Jared’s face a few inches from mine. I reach to wipe the single tear that has escaped his right eye.

“There you are,” he reports.

Relief consumes me as I burry my face into his chest and cling to his body with all of my strength.


“I’ve got you, Kitten. It’s okay.”

I overhear some commotion in the room, but deliberately choose not to listen. I don’t care at this point. I’ve got Jared and I know I’m safe.

His chest reverberates as he pets my head and reminds me, “I’m here, Kitten. It’s not real.”

I drift back to sleep as hushed voices dance in the room.





Eighteen


A murkiness in my head wakes me; a murkiness that’s all too familiar. The smell of Jared relaxes me slightly as my consciousness unfolds the event that happened earlier. It wasn’t just the nightmare. I haven’t dreamt of my mother’s body like that in years and I’m not sure why. I pray that it won’t happen again.

I curl into Jared a little longer knowing that I won’t be able to go back to sleep. I should probably get up to feed Sadie. Where is she?

I roll away from Jared into another body that I expect to be Nathan’s. Instead, I find Joe which doesn’t alarm me. I study his relaxed features and body as it’s curled into mine with his hand resting on my waist. Carefully propping myself up, I glance around the room to find Nathan on the bed, but on the other side of Jared. Jimmy and Allen are on the chaise near the french door and Maggie and Henry on another chaise that was not previously in the room. My heart melts as fear swells inside. I appreciate everyone’s concern, but I need to get away. I need to distance myself.