Borrowing Trouble(44)

“I was surprised.”

“I can respect that. Doesn’t mean I have to forgive some of it any time soon.”

Bethany smirked. “A gay good ole boy. How does that work?”

“I don’t think, no matter how simple I felt at times, I was ever just your average redneck, Beths.”

“You’re right. You always were kinder than the guys we grew up with. It’s one thing I liked so much about you.” She tapped her fingers on her coffee cup. “I feel like the shitty ex-wife who flew through in hysterics, making things bad, but Jay, this is a tough road to hoe. And I won’t lie, even I’m gonna take some adjusting.”

“I happen to know a good counselor.”

She snorted. “Idiot.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for Millie to go, Clint if he wants.”

She nodded. “Millie probably. She’s confused, but she’s just a little girl. She doesn’t have any point of reference. A lot like you, I suppose.”

“You’d be surprised what meeting one openly gay person did to my poor little brain.”

She frowned. “Maybe if you had long ago.”

“I don’t know,” Jay said. “I feel like I’m old enough now, I know life is do or die. Any younger and I might have been more likely to keep shoving it back. Maybe it was just the right person at the right time.”

She held up her hand. “I’m really not ready to talk about that. I’m sorry Jay, I’m just not.” She looked a bit baffled. “But when did Clint grow up? He just came in and made so much sense. Then I felt like the biggest heel that my own kids can at least roll with the punches and I’m shrieking like a soap opera villain.”

“You were surprised,” Jay reiterated charitably. He held his breath after he asked if she really intended to take the kids.

“Will you at least discuss with me before you introduce them to Landon as anything… more? And I mean if either of them is so uncomfortable they prefer living with me, I’ll not fight you, I’ll just say ‘okay.’”

Jay nodded slowly. “I can live with that.”

She started crying, but Jay didn’t reach for her. It wasn’t his place, and she didn’t seem to want him to anyway. After she wept for a while, she announced she’d go shower, then she and the kids were going to spend the day together.

“Jay? I need to not talk to you for a while, okay? Unless it’s about the kids.” She seemed on the edge of losing it, again, and Jay couldn’t tell whether it would be anger or tears, or a nasty storm of the two. He quietly watched her go.

Clint sauntered into the kitchen, fully primped and dressed, while Jay poured himself another coffee. “You’re dressed and ready awful early,” Jay observed.

Clint grunted and made his way for his own coffee cup. “I promised mom and Millie we could go to Council House over in French Camp for breakfast. On me.”

Jay scoffed. “On me, then”

Clint gave a toothy, sarcastic grin. “Pretty much.”

“You can use the truck if you won’t all fit in yours.” That Clint’s old Toyota pickup was too small was a given.

“Thanks, dad. Oh, hey, did you talk to Landon? Millie and her big mouth. We saw him at the store. She told him mom was moving home and I couldn’t really say anything in front of her. But I’m assuming with your big gay coming out you, uh, might wanna let him know … whatever.” Clint’s words fell out, but Jay caught them. Horror flashed through him as he remembered Landon had called last night while he and Bethany fought. It was awkward acting like a teenager in front of, well, his teenager, but he freaked out right there.

“Shit.”

“Yeah,” Clint said, at least a little sympathetically. “Um, before you… He’s not going to be like coming for dinners and shit yet, is he? I’m thinking that’s... too soon.”

“First, language, second, no. I wouldn’t even do that if I’d only been dating a woman for a couple months.” That’s the party line, anyway. But he did understand. Jay wasn’t sure he was ready for the kids to know Landon was there as his date yet.

Clint eyed his dad skeptically and sipped his coffee.

Jay checked his phone again, noting Landon hadn’t left a voicemail. But while they’d been talking, a call had come in from the office phone. He wanted to pull his hair out, knowing he needed to talk to Landon and tell him the new developments, even that he realized Landon had fit into his life while Jay hadn’t been paying attention.

He wanted to sit in the comfort of Landon’s company and make better promises than he’d been able to make before. Because truth be told, he’d known it had become more real than he’d expected, probably when they’d made love—er, with penetration—the first time; but it’d definitely become real when they’d sat quietly with Landon running his fingers through Jay’s hair, Jay humming in the quiet night. He’d never felt peace like that, not since he held his children in his arms the first time, and something close to it at fifteen when a pretty girl named Beth sat down and asked him why he was so quiet.

He dialed the office first, hoping this would be quick. “Jay, son, good mornin’ to ya. Sorry to call so early.”

“It’s okay, Ricky. What’s going on?”